You Get So Alone At Times That It Just Makes Sense Novels & Stories

My indecisiveness was raising its ugly head. It was moments like this that I could really feel how lonely I was and how partially stupid my decision to live life solo without any friends was. I should have someone who I could call during times like this, but I didn’t, and now I have to make my own decisions, and I would have no one to blame if it all went wrong.

“You know you’re not alone right?” “Of course, I know that” he answered. “I think maybe you know that in theory but you don’t know that, this is not like any other time in your life. People have got your back, some people worry about you now...” “Ash, I understand but surely you also understand why I need time alone to clear my head. Surely you understand that I can’t be at my best, not right now. I hope you don’t fault me for it. I didn’t promise it would be roses all the time...”

My own thoughts screamed at me no matter what I did, and being alone had come to be the worst idea I could ever think of. At the same time, I couldn’t bring myself to ask the guys out while I knew damn well what they were going to say to me. As much as I needed company, I was by no chance in a position to be judged by anyone. My mind did it for the whole world. And one other thing, despite what they could all say, nobody could ever understand what I was going through. Nobody could ever even begin to stomach the idea of having your world turned upside down in a blink of an eye.

If the company failed; I failed. I finished answering emails and checking the schedule for the coming week before locking up and heading back home. I had nothing else to do. I had never felt more alone in my entire life. I was used to being alone and even relished it, but now, I felt alone in the world. Having Yvonne in my life had given me a taste of what it was like to have someone happy to see me or wondering where I was when I didn’t call. No one gave a shit where I was or what I was doing.

Suddenly. BEEP BEEP. A bright pair of headlights washed over the alleyway, illuminating us against the brick wall. Our Uber had arrived. "Time to go," I gasped, pulling myself back to reality with a violent, frustrated jolt. I smoothed my dress down, my legs trembling so violently I could barely stand. I looked up at him, my breathing ragged, my eyes dark with a desperate, heavy promise. "We can deal with... that... when we get home."

“You don’t have to do everything alone.” “I know,” I said. “But sometimes alone is the only way I remember who I am.” “You don’t have to be alone with me in the room to remember that,” he said. The words landed somewhere in my chest that made me flinch and smile at the same time. It was a small thread and we’d both started pulling it. I didn’t know if it would fray or hold. Right now, it existed, and that was enough. We walked out together into the wet air. The world hummed with its own life: cars, distant music, someone laughing too loud at a bar. For a moment, everything else fell away.

Now dying because I couldn’t eat anything at all. Poetic. Stupid. Perfect. Bree was quiet. Verm accompanied me silently. Yet I felt alone. Just me and the slow, steady realization that this was it. Another day. And nobody was coming.

“I don’t need to hear your voice to know that I’m not alone.”

You want people to notice you when you're together. You feel an aliveness that could only be understood by someone who has been in love. It feels like flying or falling, but a good kind of falling. Have you ever been alone in your room and your favorite song comes on and you get so lost in dancing, only realizing that you were lost in the moment once the moment was over?... It's a lot like that. You can truly be yourself and are just in the moment all the time.

I was still not sure what happen, and I wanted to talk to Michael like always and tell him what happen and take his thoughts from him. But today when he asked me to leave is when I understood that I was alone I was always alone I have always been for myself and this would not change why had I forgotten that very real fact of my life. That one thought of me being alone made me so tired that I drifted into deep sleep. ___________________________________________ * *******************