Chapter 6

Lukas

I ran.

As soon as I could tell she was no longer behind me, as soon as I heard her magically speed away from me, I took off in the opposite direction, shifting into my wolf with no regard for the clothes I had been wearing.

And then I blacked out, my wolf taking over completely in his agony at still being unable to claim his mate. I did not know where he took us while he was in control. There was no memory of what he did while we were in that state. I was only aware of the pain that we were both feeling, the frustration and misery at our realization that, for whatever reason, our mate did not recognize us.

When I finally regained control, I was at the edge of the training field, where the pack’s weekend practice was finishing up stretches and wolves were pairing up to spar against each other.

I quickly grabbed a pair of basketball shorts from the basket placed at the edge of the trees for any wolves who needed clothing after ripping through theirs while shifting, and made my way to a ring, immediately replacing one of our strongest warriors so I could spar with his current partner.

I landed hit after hit, never hard enough to truly hurt or damage my partner, but enough to push him to his limits, and enough to help me vent out my frustrations over how the day was going so far.

When my first sparring partner had enough, I faced another. And another. And another.

I lost track of how many of our warriors I faced, of how long I had been inside that same ring. I knew my pack warriors could feel my inner turmoil, knew they could sense that their future Alpha was using them to deal with his own personal problems, but they lent me their support in the only way that warriors knew how — being each other’s punching bags.

As my body went through the motions of each fight, moving by pure instinct honed from years of training, my thoughts drifted back to this morning by the wishing well.

She looked so perfect, even dressed as casually as she was in jeans and a hoodie. That was one thing that I had always admired about her, that had always drawn me to her over other females in our pack in the first place — that she didn’t aim to impress other people with how she looked or how she dressed. She let her natural beauty and radiance shine through, and she was honestly the most beautiful member of our pack.

I was still not sure if she had any reaction at all to touching me and not feeling the mate bond. There had been a brief flicker of emotions in her eyes at first, but she had quickly put up a mask, hiding away any clues about what she was feeling.

Over the years, I had tried to determine whether she had any romantic feelings towards me, but she had become a master at hiding her true emotions, better than even some Alpha wolves I knew. Another sign that it always meant she would be mine, since being my luna would place her in many situations which would require her to be impassive and unreadable.

I had wanted to leave as soon as I realized she didn’t feel the bond, but I stayed. I stayed, because I wanted to see her open her gifts, and because over the last two years I had become a glutton for punishment, forcing myself not to claim her but being around her all the time. It was as if she was my personal drug, and the permanent fix was getting to claim her as my own.

My emotions had been spiraling as we sat together on that bench, her sweet scent swirling around me, her body close enough to touch, but still so out of my reach. When she hugged me, I had tensed my body. Not because I didn’t want her to touch me, but because I was having to keep myself from turning around and lifting her to my body, wrapping her legs around my waist as I explored her lips with my own. I so desperately wanted to taste her lips, to feel her body in how I had longed for and imagined for so long, and I would have to wait even longer.

It wasn’t fair. She was mine. I had known she was mine for so long. I had kept it a secret from her just like Selene had asked, not telling even my parents or my Beta. The least she could do was let her feel the bond now that she was 19.

What was she playing at? What was her game? Were my actions not enough? Was my self-control not enough?

“FUCK!” I roared out, slamming my fist with all of my unrestrained alpha strength into the jaw of the warrior I was currently sparring with, sending him flying across the ring and into the ropes on the side.

His body slumped down, his head rolling around uncontrollably, blood leaking out from his lips and his nose. The pack doctor and healer, who were always on standby during training in case of accidents like this, were immediately at his side, the doctor forcing his eyes open and checking his pupils with a flashlight, the healer sending her energy into his body to boost his wolf’s healing.

I gripped my hair in my hands as I realized what I had done, turning around to lean over the side of the ring. I could have done so much more damage with that hit, could have broken his neck, which in turn could have crippled or killed him. Even with our wolf healing, there were certain injuries that we couldn’t come back from, such as losing a limb or a severed spinal cord.

“Fuck!” I grunted again, kicking the pole in the corner that held the ropes up, my hands tugging my hair at the roots.

I shouldn’t have lost control like that. Even with how my emotions are rolling around under the surface, I still should have been able to hold back and keep my warriors from being injured by their future alpha. I was much stronger than most alphas, and I had trained not on my strength, but also my restraint over the years since I had first shifted, and even before that. I knew better than to use my full force and knew the consequences of that action. I should have been in better control.

“LUKAS DANIEL BANKS!” My father’s voice roared over the noise of the gathered warriors, his rage and disappointment causing all the wolves near us to bow their heads in submission to his alpha aura.

Like me, my father was also even stronger than almost every alpha, except, perhaps, the king, and it was even difficult for me to resist submitting to him when he released his aura at almost full strength.

So, I did the smart thing, and I didn’t fight it. I knew why he was angry, why he was frustrated with me. I was already beating myself up over it, already feeling the shame coursing through me.

But my submission was the only weakness I would show to him in front of our pack. The rest I would save for later, in private, when he gave me a proper scolding.

“It’s all right, Alpha Eric.” David, the warrior I had accidentally knocked out, was already coming back around, and sitting up on his own, his mate, Amber, sitting next to him and holding his hand. “It will take more than Luke’s punches to take me out.”

I nodded my head toward David, forcing a small laugh out and a small smile on my lips. “Sorry, Dave. I should have had better control.”

“No worries, Luke. It isn’t the first time someone has knocked me out, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.”

With that, his mate helped him up off of the ground, and they began walking away from the training field, his mate fussing over him and forcing him to slow down his pace.

I felt a twinge in my heart at the sight. What had once been something that caused me to look forward to this exact date was now something that I was wondering if I would ever even get to experience.

I turned on my heels before my dad could rip into me, striding purposefully through the warriors who were already slowly leaving the now disbanded training. I walked through the packhouse to my father’s office, where I knew he would head after speaking with the pack doctor and the head warrior who had been running the training in Beta Damien’s stead when I arrived.

I noticed my people giving me a wide berth, their heads lowered to avoid making eye contact with me. I knew my aura was pulsing off of me in waves, but I couldn’t even bring myself to rein it in or care. My thoughts were too wrapped up in the events of the day, too wrapped up in my frustration and self-pity.

I entered my father’s office without a thought, knowing it was currently empty, and headed straight towards the bar cart that he kept in there for when he had alphas visiting from other packs. I grabbed the first bottle I could, not bothering to check the label or see what it was, and took a long pull straight from the bottle instead of pouring it into a glass.

I winced as the liquid burned my throat on the way down, gritting my teeth while I waited for it to subside, before taking a second, and then a third drink.

Since I obviously couldn’t safely vent my frustrations through training, I would use the bottle in my hand to drown out everything I was feeling. I just wanted some peace, some time without my overthinking, so that I could actually rest, and maybe, just maybe, Selene would decide to visit me again, to explain to me why Juniper was 19 but still not feeling our bond.

I sat down in the chair opposite my dad’s desk and lifted the decanter to my lips for a fourth time, when my mother ripped the bottle out of my hands.

She had her lips pursed together as she walked away from me, closing the almost empty bottle and setting it back on the bar cart. Her shoulders were tense, and her normally put-together self looked slightly disheveled. She must have already been dealing with a major pack issue, and there I was, just adding to her plate.

I let out a breath, leaning forward in my seat and running my hand over my face, feeling where my day-old stubble was breaking through since I hadn’t shaved that morning before running off to find June.

Her face instantly softened when she heard me, her body turning towards mine. I knew she wanted to come and comfort me, but she stayed in her spot, her hands folded in front of her, her eyes looking behind me to where my father stood in the doorway.

“Lukas? Care to explain?” he asked, closing the door behind him to give us some privacy.

I leaned back in my chair, resting my elbow on the arm and my chin on my fist. My jaw clenched as I avoided his gaze. He strolled to his desk, his eyes scrutinizing my every move, his gaze practically boring through me, as if he could see the inside of my heart and my soul.

When he sat down, he exchanged a glance with my mother, clearly mindlinking with her, and she moved to his side, her hand gently resting on his shoulder.

“Lukas,” he said again, his voice low yet commanding. “Luke, you have trained harder than any young alpha I have ever met, even more so over the last three years; you trained yourself to have almost unheard of control over your wolf, your strength, and your primal instincts. I have watched you come close to losing that control so many times over the years, but you have always been able to hold it in, to keep yourself in check and do what is right by our pack. You were fine this morning, so what set you off?”

“It was nothing,” I lied, avoiding his eyes so he wouldn’t try to read me. “It won’t happen again.”

“Oh, I know it won’t. But that still doesn’t answer my question. What. Happened.”

I shook my head, my hand now gripping the arm of the chair, my claws threatening to break through and gouge a deep gash into the wood of the desk in front of me, my body shaking with the effort to keep my wolf from taking over again, and I realized I probably shouldn’t have had those drinks.

“You will answer me!” He let out his full aura, the aura that he only showed to those closest to him for fear of drawing too much attention to us, to our peaceful, unincorporated pack on the outskirts of the Werewolf Kingdom, and I had no choice but to submit to him, to give him what he was asking for. Not until I was officially alpha would I be able to resist my father’s full Alpha commands.

“I found my mate!” I gritted out, closing my eyes and leaning my head back towards the ceiling. “I found my mate on my 19th birthday, when she was still only 17 and couldn’t feel the bond yet.”

“You’ve known June was your mate for two years?” my mother said, her voice so quiet I wouldn’t have been able to hear it if I didn’t have my wolf.

I slowly looked up and saw her standing there with her eyes widened, her hand covering her mouth after her obviously unintentional revelation.

“You knew?” I asked with a breath. “You already knew?”

She exchanged a glance with my father, then nodded slowly at me.

I was in shock. Complete and utter shock. I didn’t even know how to react to the knowledge that somehow my mother already knew that Juniper was my mate, and had maybe even known much longer than I had.

“Since when?” I asked slowly.

“Since before her family came to our pack. Selene—”

I roared. Fucking Selene. It all came back to Selene, to her and her meddling in my life, to whatever plans she was making, whatever outcome she was pushing us all towards.

“This is BULLSHIT! Why would she do this? Why would she let me feel the bond for this long and then not let June feel it when she turned 19?! I have been waiting, patiently waiting for two fucking years for this day, all for her to touch my hand and feel absolutely nothing! Why? Why can’t she feel it? Why do I not have her with me right now, with my mark already on her neck, and her witch mark on me? What more do I have to do before I can finally claim her?!”

I was on my feet, my entire body shaking with the weight of my rage, my wolf as close to the surface as he could be without breaking through completely. My skin was bubbling with how close he was to taking over and forcing me to shift, but I was the one in charge and I wouldn’t let him make this situation any worse than it was.

My mother, however, was the picture of calm, even as I stood across from her, towering over her and fighting against my wolf, who was threatening to rampage in a blind rage. She was, as always, the perfect Luna, used to handling angry and emotional alpha wolves.

“I’m sorry, son,” she whispered to me, her voice soothing, her luna aura softly leaking out and trying to calm me. Instead of fighting it, I relented, letting the peaceful waves wash over me to relax my wolf. “I am sorry that you have had to endure these years knowing she was yours while not being able to claim her. I am sorry that she still cannot feel what you feel when you see her and touch her. I am sorry that I kept this a secret from you, and I am sorry that I will have to keep more secrets from you.”

My chest was heaving as I sucked in air, trying to calm myself the rest of the way down since she had relaxed my wolf, since my body wasn’t fighting against itself to shift into its second form. My mind processed her words: More secrets.

“So you knew this was going to happen?” I asked her.

“I didn’t know that Selene was going to let you feel the bond before June, no,” she answered.

My father gently pulled my mother down into his lap, and I sat down again, tears threatening to form in my eyes as I watched my parents hold and love each other in the way I had been longing to hold and love my June.

“What else?” I huffed out, turning my attention to the window that overlooked the packlands. “What other secrets are you keeping?”

“If she told you, they wouldn’t be secrets, now would they, Lukas?” my father teased, a low chuckle rumbling in his chest.

I rolled my eyes, not in the mood to joke like I had been that morning when we had spoken. “I just… I need to know. Will she eventually feel the bond?”

“She will,” my mother replied with certainty.

I nodded, my lips pressed together in a thin line. She would feel it. She would know. At some point, I would finally get to claim her, to tell her how much she meant to me, how much I loved her and have loved her throughout the years.

It wasn’t exactly what I wanted. It wasn’t a straightforward answer, but it was enough, enough to know that we would eventually get to be together, even if there wasn’t a specific date that it would happen. To keep my wolf in check, it would have to be enough.

There was an unsettled silence in my father’s office, and I looked back at my parents to see them staring at each other, both of them with small glares and frowns on their faces, locked in a mincline argument with each other.

I decided that the best thing for me to do right then was to excuse myself so I could shower and maybe try to sleep, and hopefully get the alcohol out of my system before dinner.

Fuck. Dinner. We were supposed to go to June’s house like we always did for her birthday. I would definitely need to make sure I had sobered up before we got there, so that I could remain completely in control and act as though I was as confident and happy as I always was.

I stood up from my chair, opening my mouth to excuse myself, but my father whipped his head towards me and pointed wordlessly at the chair, indicating our meeting was not over.

“We need to discuss you becoming Alpha,” he said calmly. I nodded, sitting up a little straighter, knowing the importance of this discussion. “We will hold your Alpha ceremony on the Summer Solstice. But first, we need you to go to Alpha Phil’s academy. You must find a new beta.”

I blinked at him, my brain not fully processing his words. I had a beta. Drew was going to be my beta. He had earned that position not just by birth, but by working his way through the warrior ranks and becoming the best warrior in our pack, other than me.

I made sure that the pack knew I wasn’t just playing favorites by choosing him. The people in our pack who held those positions earned them. That was why Drew and I always trained with our pack instead of privately — so they would see just how hard we worked, and feel comfortable approaching me, even though I was going to be their alpha.

“I’m sorry, what?” I finally said, forcing a laugh, realizing he had to be joking. Drew would never step down from his position, and my father would never force me to choose someone over Drew. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Drew, Beta Damien, your mother, and I all agree that it is in the best interests of the pack for him to step down, and for you to find a replacement.”

It was a joke. It had to be. A cruel, sick, fucked-up joke, but a joke nonetheless. June would jump out from behind the curtains soon, ready to confirm that she was my mate, and Drew would be with her too, having a good laugh at my expense, at me thinking he would ever leave my side as my second in command. Then we would all go about our lives and live happily ever after.

But the seconds ticked by, and no one was laughing. No one was telling me they had been playing a hilarious prank on me. My parents were still watching me, waiting for me to either blow up again, or storm out, or… have some reaction to what they just told me.

“So, not only did my mate not feel our bond on her 19th birthday, but my best friend is also walking out on his position, his job that he has trained for since we could both walk?” My voice was oddly calm, hiding the turmoil I was feeling underneath, but I knew my demeanor did not fool my father. “Let me guess: the reason is one of those stupid fucking secrets you still have to keep from me?”

I saw the hurt flash through my mother’s eyes, but it was too late for me to take the words back. And I honestly didn’t want to at that point. I was too angry with everyone and everything, and I was lashing out at those closest to me, trying to hurt them just like I was hurting. “Forget it. I don’t care. I don’t need to hear your excuses or Selene’s reasons for you keeping important things about my life from me. I’ll go to Alpha Philip’s academy. I’ll be gone by tonight.”

I stood up and threw the double doors open. My heart was pounding in my chest, my blood roaring in my ears with everything I was feeling, my father’s words behind me barely audible as I stormed out. “June’s dinner…?”

I paused, my chest tightening, but I knew this was what I needed to do, knew that this was what was best for me right now. “It’s better this way. I need… I need some space.”

I continued down the hall and up the stairs, leaving no room for arguments from my parents, resigned to my decision to leave that night, hoping that this was truly what I needed to distract me until June finally felt our bond.