Being His

"Honey, just calm down"

"I can't calm down! Just don't tell me what to do!" I scremed over the phone, tears pickling like first monsoon showers from the brink of my eyes.

"I can't believe you! I fucking can't! How could you do this to me!?"

"Meera, just relax.This is for your own good!" her voice emitted fake sympathy that just peaked up my anger more.

"How can I relax, when my fucking mother sold me!" I threw the phone on the floor and broke down into a fit of tears.

My life is a damn hell from the beginning and just when I think that it couldn't get better, my mother just drops the nuclear bomb.

She sent me to America, in order to study. Atleast, that's why I thought. And I felt that the broken divorcee who tries to make me feel miserable, has just realized that I'm her daughter. But, truth is really bitter.

She sent me here to actually use me as a source of money. Because, the people she used are done with paying our bills. And, I being the hopeless idiot fell into this trap.

I don't pay attention to the buzzing sound of the phone, as I dig my face deeper into the pillow. It's soft body soaked in the water that was rushing through my face.

"Fuck everything!" I scream and punch the mattress a few times, trying to let the anger dissolve into the cotton. But it didn't help.

My life is a rat hole and I have to live with it.

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I jolted out of my sleep and saw the clock struck 7. I just hope that it was a nightmare.

I move up from my bed, my eyes swollen red and my soul with no hope. The phone laid on the hard ground, motionless.

For a moment, I keep looking at it like it is the thing that's responsible for everything happening. It's easier to blame something like that, when you don't have enough excuses for why your life clocks around the bad fate.

I exhale sharply, exhausted of crying and walk upto the kitchen to prepare myself something edible.

Two packs of biscuit. That's all I have in the fridge. College fees, tuition fees, rent of this apartment... Everything summed upto the level of my expenses in here, leaving only a few dollars to pay for these.

I sigh and crunch the biscuit, the chocolate dissolving into my taste buds. For a person who knows that life is a struggle, these are not any less to heaven.

I hop into my bed, not before plugging my switched off phone into the charger. I hope that it's not in coma right now, because the bills will just add up to more. 

I turn off the main light and switch on my small lamp. I have a fear of sleeping in the dark alone, so I do it everyday since the time I came here. 

My heavy eyelids drooped close, lulling me into a dream less sleep. 

I just pray that I don't have to open my eyes tomorrow... 

The sun rays and the car honks disturb my sleep. I feel drowsy and tired from thinking about yesterday. 

Slowly, I made it out of my bed and try to switch on my phone. Hopefully, it was alive and flashed the main screen with my sister's picture smiling back at me. Her name is Sonia. She is the only reason I survive. She gave me a bunch of endless love and memories that I always store in the suitcase of my heart. 

I smile not a full fledged one though. It is sad and a hopeless one. I sigh and look through the Whatsapp chats I recently had with her. 

Does she even know about all of this? I hope not, because I won't be able to tolerate the sadness the news will inflict on her. My mother already tortures her a lot,I don't want to add up more to it.

I reminded myself that I'm being sold to this agency that is going to turn me into a sugar baby. 

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"Oh my freaks! How could your mom do that? She's a bitch!" Laila hisses at no one in particular. 

"I know, but I don't have any choice. That bitch is keeping my sister. And even though, I'm just an ATM for her, my sis is treated like a real daughter. So, if I send the money, I won't have to worry about Sonia getting her life banged up. Atleast she'll be safe. "

I walk over the corridor, with Laila being on my side. 

" Yeah, but a sugar baby agency? Sounds more like selling you to a brothel! "

" Does that even matter now? My life has never been better than this. How can I expect that I won't end up being a prostitute?" I sigh. I just have bet all my hope on hard cash. 

" But not like this! I can look for better jobs for you ! " Lai exclaims as we both enter the empty classroom. 

" Won't work Lai. She has already talked to the agency and now I'm a part of this sugary thing. I heard they've good sources. Even if I try to back out, they'll kidnap me and God knows, do worse than even prostitution!" 

"But not by losing your dignity Mi! You're a 20 years old college student. For God's sake, you've a life to build!" 

"I never had a life, Lai. I just existed for the purpose of the idea to live someday. But, that's not happening anymore. I hope that I just earn some money out of whatever I'm into and can save something for a living that I dream of. Till then, I just want Sonia to be safe and in good care. " My eyes well up, blurring Lai's face to some extent. 

I feel an arm draping over my body and I know that it is Laila hugging me. 

"Its going to be alright." she caressed my hair, like I am a toddler and I let the stream flow through my orifice. 

I was going to be sold out to something horrible and I don't know how my life is going to be ahead. 

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