CHAPTER 11

RONAN’S POV

I could not sleep.

I had been lying in the dark for what felt like hours, staring at the ceiling and replaying every moment of the conversation I had with Mira in the dark hallway. I thought about the way her voice had trembled when she said “My mate should not know about this,” the way her eyes was filled with something raw and desperate when she looked at me, the way her body had leaned towards mine even when she was trying to pull away. I could still feel the heat of her so close to me, could still smell the faint trace of her perfume lingering on my clothes — a scent that awoken something deep inside me, something primal that made my wolf pace restlessly underneath my skin, hungry for something I could not name.

And now she was in Declan’s chambers.

I had seen Claudia drag her tiwards that direction earlier, had heard the sharp edge of her voice as she commanded Mira to spend the night with her husband, to give him company and to think about producing an heir. The words had hit me on the chest like a physical blow, and I had growled angrily before I could stop myself. I had stood there in the shadows, frozen, watching Claudia walk away without even knowing I was there, and I had to force myself to stay still until it was only Mira and I at the corridor.

So she was with him right now.

In his room.

On his bed.

I knew Declan was gay, so I am very well aware that he does not want her and I knew that nothing would happen between them because he was not capable of wanting her the way a man should want his mate. But knowing that did not stop the jealousy from burning through my veins like fire. It did not stop the restless feeling that had settled deep in my chest, urging me to go to her, to pull her out of that room and take her somewhere far from him.

Even though she was not mine.

Even though she would never be mine.

I sat up in my bed and ran my hands through my hair feeling so frustrated and angry. I needed to distract myself. I needed to think about something else. Anything else.

I picked up my phone and called my pack officials.

The call connected and I saw their faces appear on the screen. They were looking so tired and confused, clearly having been woken from their sleep. One of them rubbed his eyes and looked at me with concern.

“Sir? It is already late. Do you not need to sleep?”

“No,” I said firmly, pushing my wolf down. “Let us have the meeting now.”

They exchanged worried glances but did not argue. Then the meeting began, and I forced myself to focus on the report they were giving me, which were the updates on pack borders, supplies and movement of rogues in our territory. I nodded and asked questions and pretended that my mind was still stuck in that dark hallway with Mira.

But I was not fooling anyone.

One of my officials asked me a question about a trade agreement with a neighboring pack, and I heard his voice but I did not register the words. I stared at the screen, with my eyes unfocused and my mind wandering back to the curve of her waist, the softness of her lips, the way her voice had sounded when she whispered in the dark. A low growl rumbled in my chest, and I had to clench my jaw to stop it from escaping.

“Sir?” The official’s voice cut through my thoughts. “Sir? Did you hear me?”

I blinked in surprise, because I had not heard a single word.

Silas’s voice came through the speaker, sounding very calm and measured. “I think he is tired.”

I shook my head and tried to pull myself together. “Oh. Okay. What were we saying?”

Silas sughed. “You are distracted. You are very tired because it is late. I think it is best to postpone this meeting and continue tomorrow.”

I looked at the faces on my screens, at the tired eyes, the worried expressions, the silent understanding that their Alpha was not himself tonight. They were right. I was not myself. I had not been myself since the moment I had see Mira standing beside Declan at the pack house entrance.

“Yeah,” I said finally. “I think so. Let us continue this tomorrow.”

The call ended, and I was alone again.

I sat there in the silence, with my phone still in my hand, and the jealousy crept back into my chest like a slow poison. She was there with him. She was lying beside him. Even though I knew he would not touch her, even though I knew she did not want him, the thought of her in that room made my blood feel like it was on fire.

I stood up and walked to the bathroom. Then I turned on the cold water and stepped under the spray, letting the cold water trickle down my skin, hoping that it would cool the heat burning inside me and quiet my wolf. The water was freezing, but it did not help. My body was still aching, still remembering the way she had felt beneath my hands, stilm craving the warmth of her skin against mine.

I closed my eyes and saw her face.

I saw her smile, and the way she had looked at me in the club like I was the only thing in the room. I saw her hamds on my chest, felt the ghost of her touch lingering on my skin. I saw her hair spread across the pillow in the morning light, and I heard her voice whispering in my ear.

“I want to forget.”

A growl rumbled in my chest, low and deep. My wolf remembered that night too.

And then I saw her in Declan’s room, lying beside him, and the jealousy surged through me so violently that I had to brace my hands against the cold tile walls as my wolf howled inside me, furious and possessive.

She was his mate.

She was his.

I repeated the words to myself like a mantra, with the hope they would sink in and calm the fire in my veins. She is his mate. She is his mate. Focus Ronan!

But the words did not help. My wolf did not care about Declan or duty or what was right. It only cared about her.

Because I knew the truth.

She had come to me first.

She had chosen me for that one night.

And now she was in his chambers while I stood here in the cold water, thinking about her, wanting her, and burning for her in a way that had nothing to do with loyalty or duty or what was right.

I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. The cold still clung to my skin, but it did not matter because the fire inside me was still burning and my wolf was still restless.

I walked back to the bed and lay down, staring at the ceiling just as I had been doing hours ago.

And I thought about her.

I wanted her again. There was no denying that. I wanted tk feel her hands on my skin, to hear her voice in my ear, to hold her in my arms and know that she was mine.

But she was not mine.

She was Declan’s and I had no right to want her.

I closed my eyes and tired to sleep, but her face was there in the darkness, and my wolf was still growling, still pulling, still desperate.

And I knew that I was in deep trouble.

Because this was not going away.

And I was not sure I wanted it to.