III. Heartbreak

“She’s pregnant with his baby.” 

Everything becomes too much after Arya found me face-to-face with Stella and Brad inside the store, and as every sane person would do, I bolted out, with Arya hit on my heels. At that moment I just wanted to escape and pretend that everything was just a big messed up nightmare. 

“My Brad’s baby.” A new wave of loud sobs wrenched my feeble body, shaking it to the point that I can no longer feel it. 

“Why! Why, Arya!” I wipe the tears after blowing the snot, blocking my airways, “All I want is to be happy with him. Am I not enough? He should have told me so I could give him more,” I wailed, clutching my chest in an attempt to ease the impervious ache I felt. 

“Let that be a lesson, Love. It’s never good to put the key to our happiness into someone’s pocket. We should—I mean, people change all the time, Elle.” 

“I know but it hasn’t crossed my mind that he’s going cheat on me for another woman.” She smiled sadly at me before engulfing me in her warm embrace. 

Holding me at arm's length, she then looked at me in the eye as she tucked her legs under her buttocks. 

“Best efforts doesn’t keep a man, Elle. Being always there for him doesn’t keep a man. No matter how pretty, kind, loving, honest, and loyal you are. He will betray you no matter what you do and give. You’re a good, one-of-a-kind woman, Elle but nothing can keep him because the only way to keep a man is if he wants to be kept by you. That’s the truth, Elle. And as much as you love him, you can’t force him to be with you. You can’t beg him to stay with you or undo the feelings that are gone. You can only watch as he moves on with another woman. I’m sorry if this may sound harsh but somehow you have to acknowledge and face it, Elle. And if he truly loves you, he will fight for you when life gets hard and when the future gets blurry for the both of you.” 

“But he loves me R, at least that’s what he said every time we made love.” I shrugged my shoulders as I wipe the last of my tears. 

Again that small sad smile, “A man truly in love only fights for the woman he wants to be with, and if not then it’s time to let him go.” This hit me hard. Am I ready? As much as I want to hate him, I can’t. I love him too much to plant something so ugly on his image. And besides, I don’t know life without him in it. 

I guess she saw it right through me because her hold on my shoulders tightened and her voice turned hard. “You’ve been in love with Brad for a long time, I guess, though you’ve given everything to him and more there’s just this thing he’s been looking for and he saw it in Stella.” 

“Can you—can you at least tell me? I've got nothing here. I’m going to change and show him that I deserve him more than her boss.” She shook her head like any other parents would do when they disapprove of their children's actions. I felt desperate with no one to hold on to. Desperation gnawed my insides in the most painful way as it continuously eats my insides and I knew it’s not long before part of me would be dead too. 

“Haven’t you heard what I said?” she sounded mad as she shook her head before folding her hands on her lap. “I’m sorry, Elle but he’s no longer the guy you fell in love with. He's changed.” Slap, slap, slap. 

“Or maybe he doesn't change but showing his true colors.” 

“I know,” I whispered withdrawn and beaten up, feeling the biggest loser in the world for losing the most important person in my life without even knowing it. 

“I saw it, you know. The way he looked at her is maddening to watch,” I shrugged, feigning indifference but deep inside I’m howling in pain. It’s probably a mix of jealousy, hurt, and anger because deep inside I know he’s in love with her. Even my subconscious acknowledged it. 

“At least have the decency to talk to me and break things off between us.” I sniffle, fighting another downpour of tears threatening to escape from my eyes. 

“What about our wedding?” I forced out, needing to hear it. 

“I honestly don’t know. He doesn’t say much after I accidentally punched him on the face.” I chuckled, picturing my five-foot-one best friend clocking Brad’s handsome face.  “But, I have our PI investigate it before I run after you, I hope you don't mind.”

“How far off is she?” I ask, voice cracking at the end. ‘Not now, Elle. Please don’t break down again for the man that doesn’t deserve your tears.’ 

“Almost three months.” Arya gulped before averting her eyes away from me. I know she can feel my pain. And as much as I’m hurting right now I know she’s hurting for me too.

 

“How long?” I braved to ask again. She smiles sadly at me, tucking the loss strands of hair at the back of my ear. 

“Three months.” Their relationship is going behind my back longer than I expected. 

“And I didn’t suspect anything?” I stated but it came out as a question. Who could have thought? Everything was normal between us. He was never late. Never miss a family dinner. And most especially we’re not lacking in the intimacy department or maybe it’s just me. 

'Maybe, that’s the problem. There’s no thrill. It’s normal—it's  boring.’ 

“I’m an idiot. Am I?” she shook her head, no. “You’re not an idiot Elle. You love him and gave him more than he deserves. You can’t push yourself down just because he can’t keep it in his pants. He’s the idiot, not you love.” 

“Then what? Just let the man I love go, our memories and everything? Just. Like. That?” 

“Don’t hold onto someone who doesn’t want to be kept by you, Elizabeth Morris. It’s not giving up on him, no, it’s him who gave up on you before you could do anything. Elle, it’s you who doesn’t have to waste any more time than you already have on him. Brad doesn’t deserve you, end of the story.” 

“I don’t know. I—” I started, wringing my fingers in discomfort, “I love him and I just can't unlove him, R.” I whispered.

“Elle, don’t let your feelings for him make you his prisoner,” She chastised while holding my hands in hers. 

“I just can’t believe I invested half of my life on a relationship that’s going to crumble in just a single snap of that wh*re’s thong.”  I fumed, gripping a throw pillow on a death grip.

“Then, it’s time for you to walk away.” 

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