New Normal

            Jess just kept driving, when she saw the name of her town pop up on the highway sign she sped up.  She must have blown through the main street stop sign, she was oblivious.  That was until she saw red and blue lights flash behind her.  Jess had never been so happy to see a cop in her life.  The familiar voice of the town sheriff come over a mega phone. 

“Jedidiah, turn off the truck and step out of the vehicle with your hands over you head!” He shouted.

            Jess flipped the ignition off and sobbed into the wheel.  She had forgot that she was completely naked and covered in blood up until this moment.

            “Step out of the truck! Don’t make me tell you again!” Even though the spot light from the squad car was bright; she could see in the rear view that his door was open and his gun was drawn.

            “Sheriff!” Jess tried to yell but it came out in a broken mess.  She opened the door and put her hands out where he could see them.  It was an instant realization to the sheriff that it was not a man.

            Jess attempted to step out of the truck but the pain from her injuries sent her to the ground.  She didn’t try to move instead she just laid there on the asphalt. 

            “Shit… Jessica Ryan?” He ran from the squad car and took his jacket off to throw over her.  “Dispatch, I need a paramedic to my location.  Call the Ryan’s I’m looking at Jessica Ryan, Over.”

Static came from the radio, “Repeat. A paramedic or coroner, over?”

“Dammit, Jane a paramedic!”

“10-4. Paramedic enroute, eight minutes, over.”

“I’ve got you Jess. You’re going to be alright, you hear me?” Jess felt the sheriff pick her up and for the first time in a week felt safe.

            The following weeks were hard for Jess.  If the healing wasn’t bad enough she spent days detoxing from the morphine.  Apparently and who knew that if you are given morphine constantly its just as bad as street drugs.  The first few days in the hospital she felt feral.  She even lashed out at a nurse because she refused to give her morphine.  Her mother never left her side and her father came every day after work. 

            Jess was kept as an inpatient for a few days and over the course of those days she turned away many visitors.  She felt like an alien in her own life.  How could six days do so much damage.  On the last day before she was meant to be released, the hospital wanted to do one more round of blood work.  She overhead the nurse talking about a blood pregnancy test.

            “I’m not pregnant!” She refused to believe that.

            “Honey.” Her mother placed a hand on her shoulder. “They just want to make sure.”

            The test came back negative, thank god.

            Driving home from the hospital everything seemed so off.  Jess knew it wasn’t the town, it was her.  She was…off.  Pulling up to the house there were a few squad cars in the drive way.  She saw the sheriff and instantly wanted to run away.  Her mother noticed the discomfort in Jess’ face.  “They just need to ask a couple more questions Jess.” Her mother shot her father a grieving look. 

            This was it. This was her new normal, everyone acting like she was this fragile glass cup.

            “I’ve already told you guys everything I can remember! What else do you fucking want from me!” She was holding back tears and opened the car door to get out.

            “Now listen here young lady! You will not-” As if on cue her mother reached out and calmed the storm.

            “I will be inside being interrogated.”  She stormed off as fast as she could on crutches with a full leg cast.

            Once inside she sat scowling across the table at a handful of cops and her parents.  The sheriff was the first to make a move and cleared his throat.

            “We, uh. We have not located Jedidiah yet.” He watched Jess as fear washed over her entire body and the blood drained from her face.  Her mother again was the first to react.

            “What do you mean you haven’t located him.  How many ran down shacks does Beltor County have?  She gave you the exact direction.”  Her mother stared in disbelief.

            “Tess, she gave us a general description of the area.  We did find the correct location.  Blood evidence is there but, he was not.  Now going off of what Jess told us; it is possible we are not even looking for a person but a body.  I have my county and the surrounding counties on high alert.”  He turned back to Jess, “We are not going to let anything happen to you.”

            “He’s not dead.” Jess let a tear fall off her chin and then wiped her cheek.

            “Now sugar you don’t know that.” He tried to reassure her.

            “DON’T CALL ME THAT!” She stood up abruptly and the chair fell over. “No one EVER call me that!”

            “Jess.” Her mother gestured for her to leave the room.  She was grateful to oblige.

            As she was leaving she told the room over her shoulder, “He’s not dead and he’s not going to let me just go you know.” She gimped out of the room and it took every ounce of her to make it up the stairs.  She heard them discussing posting squad cars and providing police escorts to her when she goes to school or out in public until he was found.

            She slammed the door to her room and there was a brief silence from the dining room and then whispering.  She didn’t care what they had to say.  She threw herself on her bed.  She had been so use to crying herself to sleep.  But right now in this moment she felt nothing. Not fear, or sadness, or hate, just numbness.  She gave herself to the absences and slept a deep, dreamless sleep.