Death is inevitable...Death is the worst reality...It is the balance of life it is the ice cold water that awakens your whole body from the illusions...The illusion of eternity..The illusion of happiness..
Everyone was mourning....
There were cries,screams...Screams from the people I know,the people whom I saw since my birth .They were saying something which I can't decipher.I can't understand anything....My grandmother!!!
She was the most patient ,the most kind person I ever saw..Those eyes which always shine with hope, affection were full of pain, those dark brown eyes of her...She shouted hysterically : "Your world is destroyed my child...Come see your mother....She's gone .....Please see her face..." she was crying hysterically.
It was too difficult for my mind to face the reality. My age was not adequate to understand and grab the consequences. The depth of doom and pain behind these words. I was just trying to understand why they are crying and wailing like a child. I've never seen a death before and why people react in such a way.I wasn't even sure what death means or people don't come back after they die.
MOTHER!!!! MOTHER!!!I didn't feel pain, I didn't feel sorrow ,I feel numbness. Complete numbness.Nothingness...The worst feeling was I wasn't feeling anything. My childhood inability and innocence wrapped in this cruel situation.
She moved my face towards body that was lifeless...The large black eyes that once held so much light so much life were dead...That beautiful face was pale ,swollen and blue.How could she be so still...She was never like this. Her large raven hair were falling behind her face... Never ever I 've seen that face so pale...without smile without laughter....She was not the mother I knew.She was not that women who can make all my family silent by merely few words, whom voice hold the authority the power. I recalled her lively beautiful face few days before.We were so happy on Eid.Then gradually she lost her colour and smiles.Two days before I saw her in I.C.U. Weird machines and tubes were clung to her body.I didn't know what was going with her beside the thing that she was not Ok. She just looked at me with those tired eyes , her usual shine was lost like she knew she was failing at this fight.I didn't even got a chance to talk to her,to be with her.We were always at aunt's home but it didn't feel right.Me and my brother wanted to go to our home and live normally.But I didn't realize we were never going to be normal.Our life would always be abnormal compared to others.Then I moved away ,I don't want to see her like this.I haven't cry..Because I haven't known why I should...Whyyy!!! I was too immature and young to know what I've lost..I don't even know what just happened in these past days.I want to go away from this nuisance ...From this suffocating rhythm of mourning...I don't get why they were hugging me so sadly ,there was pity in everybody's eyes ,why they were looking like that towards me.I don't need their pity. What’s wrong...My khala held me, her face contorted into expressions full of pain like it was end of world.She whispered hiccupping :"You haven't prayed for her life...Hayat tumne dua kun nhe ki (why didn't pray for her life)" She was shaking my shoulders.But,I don't have the answer.How could I've known.How could she say that to me?? How could she blame me for my naivety...I didn't know where my father was I didn't know where my brother was...There were too much people in those valleys of Murree.Everbody was mourning...The night was full of darkness and pain...There I didn't know at the moment It was turning part of my life..IT WAS MY DOWNFALL!!!!I don't know how long I stood there outside in verandah, away from the crowd of people.The cold wind kissing my face, reminding me back to reality. But still I can't get my head into clarity.Everything was blur. After having enough energy to walk, I move towards the corner of verandah. There he was....In the lap of grandmother who was trying to soothe him. He was crying hysterically. His beautiful black eyes were pouring tears, his curled eyelashes were all wet from crying. His face holding hundreds of emotions that I can't understand.How could I forget him, my brother, "The Hero" HUSSNAIN!!!!! Mama used to say his name was an amalgam of Hassan and Hussain. The Prince of Jannah...His proud eyes were full of pain,doomness.His arrogant and cocky face was so broken. So vulnerable. It was totally unusual scenario because my brother was never weak. His face always show his cockiness, his intelligence. He was handsome and he knows it.It was always envio
The day seemed to pass as wewere shifted to ourBaba's house.Dado jaan insisted Abu that we should now move to Baba's house.My Dado was an old woman with tall figure,round-face, her dark eyes were full of power like she was holding the world on her shoulders.She was always the authoritative and commanding woman with remarkable intelligence.Unlike Ami, she was more blunt and strict as my Dada died too early.She was left with the responsibility to bring upon four sons and two daughters.Huge family.I've always thought how with those huge brothers and sister they always managed.As baba says, me and my brother were too hard to handle.We fight like we want to snap each other heads apart.Nevermind Dado herself had 9 siblings.That fact just spins my mind.But what can we do.I don't know how she survived with 9 people.So here I am in my home.With Dado, chachu(Uncle), phopho(Father's sister) and all family here for the occasion of Baba'
Knotting my long hair into braid, I was getting ready for School.My hair had grown long,they were jet black and thick.Everyone used to say I had inherited them from mamaThey were only thing that I take pride in.I was not really a morning person,So I was walking like a zombie who had not eaten food for months.But guess what my Baba was all chirpy and all that crap in morning.He used to sing something and interact with everybody.He rushed towards me asking me questionsThey used to call me Haya as nick.While my brother called me Servant,our maid,little witch and blacky which I really loved a lot because I don't give a shit anymore.It used to annoy the hell out of me.But with time I grew out of my insecurities and as I was growing I transformed from thin,bony girl to healthy curvy one and my complexion kept on getting better and better.I knew he just used these names to get a rise out of me and I intend to not give him this pleasure.But with time I used
Time seems to fly as we were engaged in work,playing and sleep.Let me remind you I'm Scorpion. So we love to sleep.It is really our thing.When I'm sleeping anyone could put me in sack and export to hell because I sleep so deep.My sleep game is really strong,Unlike my brother who wake up even there is a minute sound.Always the curious one,the intelligent one,but I beat him in our studies due to my elegant cramming skills.Yes ,I could swallow the whole book without changing a little full stop in it.I was also good at picking new concepts.While Urdu and English were on my tongue with fluency.Never I had ever need an effort on those subjects.So ,he must be cool man but I was the nerdy one here.Me 1,Bro 0All cocky boys used to put there bad grades in just few words:"Actually we don't learn these books and are into them 24 hours.Unlike girls ,then we would have definitely topped them all"Really!!! boys you can't come with something better.So
It was afternoon,everyone was busy in usual cores.I was having Winter Vacations.Chachaa and Chachii were meeting some relatives in Murree.Ayesha api was snoring beside me.Bear-bro aka hussni went to meet his one of friends.After waking up,I was using my not-so-smart-brain for taking revenge.Speak of devil and he is here....Chocolate eyes was sleeping with mouth open,little drool was on side of his mouth.He looked like he is dead.I could kill him at the moment andend of game.As I looked at him ,I realized he looks like old Amaar with his smirk off his face.I almost wanted to touch him like the old times that I always used to awake him for breakfast.I immediately jerked that thought out of my mind.He is not the same Amaar and you are not a baby anymore.So seize your stupid acts right now.But then I caught sight of his phone.Wiggling my fingers,I rushed towards it.He didn't budge.What a heavy sleeper.I move out of room towards the sid
I'm just having breakfast in Sunday morning with my parents and bhai(brother).Arshad Chacha had shifted to their own house near our home after spending a month with us.I used to go their frequently.We had a lot of fun.My send-ups are over and now I'm free for 15 days.Afterwards I have to prepare for finals.Don't mistake me for those bookworms who are always studying.I study just one time and when I do,I do it perfectly.Not leave a single line.But exams are headaches.Really, So I study regularly while in exams I chill out.I swallow enough to not tense me.I really watch movies before paper night.It is kind of my habit.I know its weird but who said I'm not.So that's my particular routine.I always survived having good marks till now.Don't have any idea about future.So here I am free and full of entertainment.Let me tell you the good newsThere is WEDDING of my lovey-dovey-bestfriend-Chachu aka Bilal Chachu.So I'm really really happy
As exams drew near, I got busy in studying.You know exams are always a pain in the ass or its what I've thought.Because their is tension squeezing your insides whether you're prepared or not,Its still there.So our mind don't wander anywhere because their is a time bomb ticking in your brain,waiting to explode at anytime.I hate them yet I survived.Now they're over.The best feeling is when they're over.You know like a huge boulder has been removed from my shoulders.So we enjoyed the last day by roaming in college.Roaming is really my thing.I like to be free of bounds.As my lifestyle due to absence of my mother, I'm answerable to none.Baba don't pay much attention to where I'm going,what I'm doing unless I'm not causing trouble.Same goes with my brother.So there are perks of my life.I don't know I would like to have some loving ties than no hindrance.But this what circumstances have made me to.I didn't chose what
That night I broke apart.I don't know why but it hurts, It hurts more than anything.I felt daggers boring through my heart crushing it into pieces.Stupid me..I have not a little idea what I'm getting myself into.I used to tell myself ,its optional. If Allah blessed me with him its well and good.If not I will move on.Silly me had not a bit idea that it would bleed my heart.I would be victim.I didn't realize your feelings are most precious thingYour heart is most sensitive and essential thing in your bodyYou can't give it to anybodyNo nobody deserves your true loveNobody deserves your pure heartI will never ever allow any other man to contaminate my soul and heartMy self-esteem was brutally killed.I HAYAT AHSAN, who taught other girls not to fall for anything as worthless as boys.I who tell them how much naive they are to trust them ,had fallen into trap.How could I? Was my Imaan that weak? Was I only wort