WHAT NOW?

"Two years, we were together for two whole years Mia. He was my first love, we had that earth shattering kind of love. I was so devastated when he broke up with me out of the blue. It still hurts just thinking about it." She cried. "I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, I mean you saw how happy we were together. We had our ups and downs but we had a great real love." She sobbed. She couldn't stop crying, Mia tried consoling her.

“Are you going to see him again?” Mia asked. “I don’t know if I should. What if I go to see him and James is unhappy about it? I don’t want to do anything to hurt James. He has ben my rock, since we started dating. He made me believe in love again.” She replied. She managed to calm down. “I’m engaged to a wonderful man, he might not be perfect but he loves me and he shows me everyday that he loves me.” She turned to Mia. Mia took her hand and asked “Don’t you want closure? I saw your reaction when you saw him. There is still some raw emotion that has not been dealt with yet and if you don’t deal with it it might interfere with your current relationship.” She thought it over, Mia was right. There was still some feelings she hadn’t dealt with. It was still a bit painful seeing him again. It seems she wasn’t fully over him. She had always thought she was completely over him but seeing him tonight was as if she was back to ten years ago. That love and hurt was still there. He was after all her first love and it felt like she was back to being a teenager deep in love again.

Was she really going to see him again? She didn’t want to make a mistake but she wanted closure. She had decided she will go to meet him. She just wasn’t sure if she should tell her fiancé. What if he took it the wrong way? She wasn’t sure what to do but in order for her to move forward with her life and relationship she needed to deal with the past. It’s not always easy letting go but that is what she needed to do and she thought she had already let go but somehow when she saw him it felt like she was back to ten years ago.

She decided she was going to give him a call. “Alex, hello.” His voice was raspy and half a whisper. “Hey, Alex it’s me. Amaya.” “Amaya! I’m so happy to hear your voice. I didn’t think you would call as you didn’t seem to keen on talking to me.” His tone of voice changed to a higher pitch. “I wasn’t.” She responded. “But I thought about it and I don’t want to have any regrets.” She continued. “So , what did you decide Maya?” He probed. “I want to see you, I want to hear you out.” She suddenly felt very nervous, she had no idea why though. This is just to get closure. She couldn’t allow for things to get out of control, they couldn’t get out of control. She needed to get a grip. She cleared her throat. “Alex, let’s decide on a date and time to meet up and talk things out.” “That sounds like a plan. You can decide I will fall in with you.” He replied.

There he was again making it seem like she was the one in control when in fact he was the one steering everything. He always did that which made it seem like she was the bossy one. She always followed whatever decision he made but he always made it seem to everyone as if she was a controlling person. She however has always been putty in his hands. He had this power over her that she could never describe. He always used to hold her in those big strong arms whenever she was angry. He’d pull her in for a hug, whisper in her ears and she would just melt. He would rub his hands all over her body which used to send shivers down her spine. He’d then kiss her gently, first on her forehead, then her cheeks, then the tip of her nose. Finally he would kiss her on her lips and it would be a slow and arduous process, leaving her knees weak and buckling beneath her.