Chapter 16

Scared

I wanted to laugh out of anger, despair, and hoplessness. Bakit ko nga ba kailangang pagdaanan ang lahat ng ito? Ilang beses ko nang naitanong sa sarili iyan. And just like the previous times, I still couldn’t get an answer. Being happy is a luxury to me. Simple lang naman sana ang gusto at pangarap ko - ang mamuhay nang payapa at tahimik. Pero kahit iyon ay tila kay-ilap at imposible.

I kept asking myself ‘why’ as I drown myself. I didn’t mind to struggle even when I don’t know how to swim. And I don’t expect anyone up there to save me either. I just closed my eyes as my back touched the cold floor of the swimming pool. I heard water splashing but I couldn’t care less.

The next thing I noticed, I was out of the water and someone is putting pressure on my chest. Noises filled my ears but I couldn’t comprehend a word. Then something cold touched my mouth, blowing air in it. Doon lang tila bumalik ang paghinga ko. I coughed so hard that I almost lost my breath again.

“Fuck, I tho