Vicky

I'm awake rather early. The little aesthetic alarm clock I bought even after mom preached it was a scam read 6 am. I don't have any class till 10. Normally, I would've been waking up by 9.45. It's still so early, but there's ruckus in our dorm. It took me days to realize that college students don't sleep. We either party or study, and I've been doing neither.

“Didn't expect you to be awake by this time." I'm startled to see Jesse like we don't share the same room. The water droplets on his skin make me know that he just finished showering.

I turn to him smiling. “I'm surprised as well. My body just asked I be up so I am."

Jesse returns the smile. He and Gideon have been the nicest to me. Because Kyle is 2 years higher than us, he sees us as little children, so there's almost nothing for us to talk about. Magnus is just a jerk, I've come to realize.

“Well, do you want to come for coffee with me."

He removed his towel and the way I turn my head is so fast, I get whiplash. Jesse notices and laughs. “You're in the dorms. There's no need to be shy. We've seen each other's balls."

“Oh, I - I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. I'm -"

“Don't apologize. Change out of your pyjamas let's go."

I'm not brave like Jesse so I change in the bathroom. I chose a graphic tee and shorts. While checking for a beanie in my bag, my hand touches something. My spectacles. I intentionally ditched them because I look like a bug whenever I wear them. It doesn't help my anxiety at all.

“Okay, let's go." Jesse says when I finally come out of our room. Magnus is also coming out from his. He still has bed hair and a blanket round his shoulders.

“Good morning guys. Where the hell are you going this early?. It's barely 4 am."

I know he's being sarcastic but I feel the need to correct him. I hold back my comment though. No need to be talking especially in front of Magnus.

Jesse flips him off, and they make some sort of competition about it. “We're going to get coffee," Jesse finally responded after their little game.

“Sure, enjoy yourselves. Vicky, I'd like to speak to you when you're back." Magnus is staring right into my soul. He doesn't sound serious so I know there's no need to worry. But, why am I almost having an anxiety attack?

I nod and he nods back and Jesse is pulling me out of the dorms. The air is cold yet satisfying. I almost want to stay put and let it hit my face. The person beside me has other plans unfortunately.

I'm taken to a part of campus I haven't been before, and it's not like I've been to so many places. There is a line of shops ranging from cafes to laundromats. We enter the cute cafe, Becky's treats. The name sounds cringe but I'm not one to judge Becky.

“What are you ordering? My treat."

I look at the menu, not understanding a single thing on it. Words I know are being put together to form words I don't know. “I'll have what you're having."

“Okay then."

While Jesse goes to order, I stare at the place. There are all sorts of knickknacks in various places, giving it this homey vibe to it. The elephant in the corner doesn't really do homey, but I shrug to myself.

“Here you go. One iced matcha latte with almond milk." Jesse slides a cup towards me. Never have I drunk iced matcha latte with almond milk. Indeed there's always a first time for everything.

I take a sip and gosh do I want to spit it out. I don't because Jesse was nice enough to get it for me. I'm not a jerk. “Thank you."

He smiles at me then takes a sip. There's no contortion of any sort. He actually enjoys it. “So, I've never even asked. What's your major?"

“I'm doing film. You?" I give myself a mental high five for saying a complete sentence without stuttering.

“The worst course ever. I'm doing anatomy. It's driving me insane. Does film do that to y'all. “

I shrug while using the back of my palm to hide a smile. If one is to ask why I am smiling, I have no answer. I just am. "I don't know I guess. Maybe it's because I'm passionate about it. I never watch movies without watching the behind the scenes.“

Jesse takes a long sip of his iced matcha latte and I go quiet. "I'm sorry if I talked too much. You can talk now.“

He shakes his head no. "You almost never speak. I like that you're talking. Speak more often.“

I don't know what to do with that information so I nod quietly. "Shit, I forgot to get crackers. I'll be quick. “

While Jesse goes to get crackers, a call from mom comes to my phone. I clear my throat and wonder for a second if it's appropriate to answer it in a cafe. Standing up to go outside is even more torturous. I pick up and my stupid finger taps the speakerphone.

“Hey sweetie," Moms voice echoes through the half full place. Only a few people spare me glances before going back to their conversations. But, I'm still so embarrassed. I stand up gingerly and go outside. The air is chilly so I shiver a little.

“Mom. You just embarrassed me." I whisper scream into the phone.

“What happened sweetie? Are you with someone?" She's already giggling. I roll my eyes at my mother. Sometimes she behaves like the youngest in our home.

“No. Nothing. Why are you calling me?"

I hear some ruckus in the background that sounds like she's almost destroyed the kitchen. I roll my eyes even though she can't see me. “Well, your therapist called me. He asked if we should send more diazepam over. Have you had any panic attacks since you got there?“

I did almost have one when I was in the shower. It happened when Ander almost opened the door. I almost died in that shower. “I haven't had any since I got here. I'm fine. Tell your husband to stop sending me stickers. I'm going to block him.“

She giggles mischievously. “I'm the one that tells him to send them. They're so cute. It's to show our support.“

I peep into the cafe and see Jesse is back in his seat looking for me. "I've gotta go. Tell Otto I'm fine and I'll stop ignoring his emails.“

"Okay. Done. Stay safe and remember we love you.“

She blows me a hundred kisses before I finally end the call. I walk back to our table and Jesse looks relieved to see me. “My mom called so I went outside."

He nods, gesturing me to take my seat. I cringe internally, pulling the chair and sitting. All that and still tripping.

“So I got the crackers. I got them cause I'm obsessed with them. You could try them with jelly if youre feeling like getting something advanced." Jesse says all with a mouthful of crackers. I pick one from the cute basket and bite it. It's not horrible, but it's not the most amazing thing I've eaten. It's just there.

“You love 'em right? They're so good."

And because I'm such a kiss ass, I nod yes. Somebody's phone rings, and checking mine, I realize it's Jesse's. He looks at it then silences it.

“Why didn't you take it? Is it important?"

“Nope. It's Ander probably calling to ask where I am. Let him worry a bit. I'm hanging out with you."

It's stupid of me to suck in air so sharply, but I do. I have to constantly remind myself that Jesse isn't the enemy. It's about time I get over my crush (even though I know I'm madly in love with him) on Anderson.

Maybe hurting myself will do, so I ask, “When did you two start dating? As far as I know Anderson is at straight as a pole."

The tint in Jesse's face makes my guts squirm a little, but that's it. No overwhelming jealousy. “It was during his gap year. I took one too. To help my sister and all that bullshit. Ander was just there for me. I was out then, so he knew what he was facing. One thing led to another and boom, he asked me out."

“That's actually so cute. You're lucky. I'm genuinely happy for you."

He smiles. “So, tell me about Ander. How was he in high school? He doesn't even show me pictures because of his crooked teeth.“

I bite my lip looking for neutral words to say. Anything at any point could be incriminating. "Well, we never bonded. We just went to the same school. I just knew him because he existed.“

" Ohh. Cool. Such a shame though. If you knew you'd be meeting in this school, you would've been friends.“

I smile and shrug. Jesse's phone rings again and again and again. He's loving watching Ander's pet name light up on his screen. “Alright. Let's go." He says after I've lost count of how many times he called.

I get up half smiling. The other half of my emotions are kept to myself. I do nothing but follow Jesse behind as he talks to his precious as gold boyfriend.