chapter 5

I was lucky I hadn't crashed my car, my palms were sweaty, my stomach was hurting and my nerves were at their peak. I knew what I wanted my answer to be, I wanted to run into Tobias' arms and let him show me what the beautiful world of Tobias Wrexler really was and what it would be like if I was in it but I just didn't know if I could tunnel my way out of Chase's.

I was scared that he would give me that one look that could change my mind in an instant, that one touch on that hypersensitive part of my thigh, that one pet name that made me melt every time he said it or that one lustful bite at my earlobe that would have me scurrying at his feet. He knew every card to play to get what he wanted and my body was still so intuned with his unspoken commands.

I wanted to detach, I wanted to disconnect, I wanted to sever my heartstrings from his so I could give Tobias the real chance that he deserved. But my damaged heart still belonged to Chase Bishop whether I wanted it to or not.

I sat in my car in front of Chase and I's home, I needed a minute to catch my breath. I needed to think about what I was going to say and how I would respond to him if he threw responses to me that I wasn't prepared for. I knew the way his mind worked in most situations but this - this was so foreign to me and I didn't know how to handle it.

I wanted to stomp in there and tell him that there is someone that I wanted to get to know. Someone that I was interested in, someone that made me get butterflies in my stomach and feel like a little school girl when her crush finally notices her and someone that made me feel on top of the world the moment I was cradled in his arms - but how could I tell my husband that?

I stepped out of my car locking it behind me, after a few short steps I stood at the front door for what felt like forever and finally unlocked the door only to be hit with a scent of alcohol and his woodsy manly musk in the air. I took a deep breath as I heard his voice penetrate my ears "Is that my beautiful wife I hear?"

I didn't answer, as I slowly followed the sound of his voice. I walked the dimly lit halls until I started noticing little candles decorated all throughout the rooms, and a trail of candy pink coloured silk rose petals leading the way, the rose petals looked like they were changing colour as the silk went from the candy pink to a deep red as I got closer. I felt my heart begin to pound as I approached our open plan living room and kitchen.

The sliding double doors leading into the room were closed which was a rarity in our home, I placed my hands on the doors as I slowly pried them open, I was frozen on the spot as I witnessed the scene in front of me. My husband in a jet black fitted suit, a crisp white dress shirt with the top buttons opened exposing his smooth skin and his favourite suede, black Christian Louboutin dress shoes.

He was standing tall with a pantie dropping smile on his face, standing next to a candlelit dinner with my favourite meal Lobster Linguine paired with a bottle of red wine to accompany. My heart began to flutter as I looked at the man I loved and remembered the exacts reasons why I fell in love with him in the first place.

I felt my breath hitch as he began taking steps towards me, I felt his fingers take hold of mine and intertwine like our hands were made for one another. I watched as his eyes sparkled like the day we first laid eyes on each other. His eyes told our story, the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful but right now all I could remember was the good, the amazing memories that only we could be worthy of holding.

"You look beautiful my love." He rested his hands on my cheeks as I placed mine over his and leaned my cheek into one hand. This was the man I remembered, the spontaneous, romantic, thoughtful and caring man I was introduced to 8 years ago who spent a year of his life wooing me. Chase Bishop wasn't all bad and watching the love ooze from these incredibly beautiful gestures, I couldn't remember why I was hurt.

Until I remembered the reason why we were alone and why he wasn't with the other woman in his life. I sighed as I lent out of his hold. "Thank you. Uh, Luxe wasn't mad about you sending her home for your wife?" I said with as much cordiality as I could muster up, whilst remembering that this situation was not her fault and she just happened to be another woman who chose to accept it.

"She understands about balance and it was time I dedicated more time to you." I slowly nodded my head as I bypassed his admittance and thought further about how to approach this. My mind felt clouded as I looked over the candlelit dinner, the room decorated so beautifully and the sincere look on his face as his eyes scanned over mine.

"Hey, I know that overthinking look on your face. Let's eat first and we can talk later okay? I just want to spoil you tonight." I saw that gorgeous twinkle in his eye again, I was struggling to hold onto the conversation that we needed to have but I wanted to stay strong and do what I promised Tobias.

He pulled out a chair for me with a dazzling smile on his face, I slid in the seat once again pondering how to bring the situation up. He sat down at the head of the table with me to the right of him at our 6 chair dining set. Usually, I would sit at the foot of the table but tonight he had strategically sat me here in touching distance of him.

I picked up my fork and gracefully swirled the linguine around before putting it up to my mouth letting out a groan as I tasted the divine meal; if there was one thing I knew about Chase Bishop was that he was an amazing cook and his food alone could have me feeling scorched all over.

He smirked over at me as he watched me take a few generous forkfuls of his food, I involuntarily let out a moan as I tasted the beautifully cooked Lobster, I closed my eyes as the food baited the rest of my senses. I soon felt a smooth hand gently placed on my bare knee tickling my flesh, his hand began to reach higher underneath my dress, my eyes struck open as I looked him dead in his eyes.

I was struggling to breathe, I was falling into the sensual fog that Chase was an expert in trapping me in and I needed to pull myself out. "Ch - Chase - please stop it. We need to talk. Please." I said pleading with him. "Fine, I'll stop but we eat first okay?" he smirked as I nodded my head submitting to his instruction as his hand slowly moved back onto his lap.

From that moment forth it just felt like old times, we ate, we talked and we laughed.

And for the first time in years, I felt genuine happiness sitting next to the man I married. I had no-one to compete with, no-one distracting him, he was solely focussed on me and it felt amazing. He gave me everything that I had ever wanted in those few hours and slowly I felt my worries of my marriage slip away, as if my newfound addictive hunger for another man was a distant memory and as if I was the only woman in Chase's life.

We were in our little bubble of love and it was like it would take something so huge to get me out of it. I had a real smile on my face looking into Chase's eyes, temporary or not I felt happy, unapologetically happy.

But in some deep part of me, I knew this was all a mirage, the idea of these moments kept our love alive. My memories and these sweet rare moments had me trapped, and so conflicted. I had worked so hard for so many years trying to make this work, trying to allow my love for him to be the forefront but deep down I knew love wouldn't be enough to save us and it saddened me but in the back of my mind I knew it was there.

I allowed myself to bask in the memories and the temporary happiness that his undivided attention brought me but I needed to come back to down to reality. I just needed a few more minutes of this feeling, I was so scared that I would never get it again.

I felt his fingers engulf my dainty hand as he started to draw small circles on the back, all I could feel was his soothing movements and I could have stayed like this if it meant he was back to being my Chase. But reality struck and I knew I needed to get everything off of my chest before he completely changed my mind by the idea of his love.

He pushed back both of our plates, and poured us both a fresh glass of wine. He passed my glass over to me and gestured for us to cheers. As our glasses chimed together he looked me directly into my eyes full of desire and it was beginning to get harder and harder to stay strong under his gaze. "Chase please, just stop."

I said as I closed my eyes, I heard him lean back in his chair as I slowly opened my eyes to look at him. He had a look of concern and worry on his face. "What is it, beautiful?"

My voice had disappeared after hearing him purr his petname for me, causing my chest to constrict. I needed to create distance between us, his intense gaze, sweet touches, inviting gestures and aroma of love was killing every bit of speech I had left. I stood up from my chair and stood behind it as if it would protect me from the guilt I was already feeling. "Chase - I've been thinking -"

"Well that's never good," he said with a smile on his face as he playfully yet condescendingly mocked me. Stay strong.

"You have Luxe and you guys are great together and we are great together. You know, we have an understanding - " I moved away from the chair and started to nervously play with my hands " and my understanding is that we are in an open-marriage. Meaning, you are able to explore connections with other women, but in a traditional open-relationship both parties are able to explore these connections."

His demeanor began to change as I felt a shift in the air, I felt my nerves begin to spark. "What are you getting at Monroe?"

I gulped as we had finally reached my point, I needed to word this in the best way possible. Once I had said it, there was no going back. I still didn't know what to say and no amount of preparation built me up for this moment. "How would you feel if I were to explore a connection with someone else? There's this guy -"

"Remember what we said. I want to be open and honest with you and that's why we have this arrangement, it's only for me to be as loyal as possible. So, no beautiful, that's not happening." He shook his head at me with a conniving smile on his face, I gulped as I felt anxiousness ripple through me. He gently cupped my face before planting a chaste kiss on my forehead. He pulled away shaking his head "Monroe, you're my number one but I'm your only one."