Chapter 2

"My House vs His House"

My house and Jano's house were right next to each other. Literally side by side.

But we didn't live in one of those modern housing complexes where every single house looks exactly the same, with the same plot of land and the same boring facade. Our neighborhood was different. It was an old residential area that had gone through a long process of modernization and beautification. Every house had its own neat little fence and a tidy trash bin in front of it, and the street in front of our houses was paved smoothly with real asphalt, not just cheap paving blocks.

Like most old neighborhoods that weren't built by a big real estate developer, our houses were not uniform at all. So don't be surprised if the size of the land and the architectural style of each house here are wildly diverse and varied. Some houses still maintained their original old buildings — these belong to the original residents who have lived here for decades. Some have been heavily renovated. And some are completely brand new buildings because the old ones were completely torn down to the ground. This third group usually belongs to the newcomers.

That's why you shouldn't be surprised if the difference between my parents' house and Jano's parents' house was so striking. So dramatic. Jano's parents' house was one of the biggest and most magnificent houses in our entire complex.

It made perfect sense. My Dad was just a regular employee at a government office, while Jano's Dad was a seasoned, highly successful sailor. Their yard was so much wider than ours. Their house, of course, was far bigger and far more beautiful than my parents' house.

They even had a swimming pool in their backyard. Imagine that.

Their garden, both in the front and in the back, was incredibly beautiful and so soothing to look at, as far as the eye could see. Anyone who had ever seen it would certainly admire it. The backyard was decorated with tall, towering palm trees, and the grass was always cut so neatly, like a thick, soft carpet that was so comfortable to just lie down on.

And then there were the flowers planted there — so many different types and colors. So beautiful. There was one plot that was completely purple, another cluster that was pink, orange, red, white, yellow. Of course, I felt so at home playing there. Because there were so many flowers and plants, there were always butterflies and dragonflies coming around. When I was little, I used to chase those beautiful little insects back and forth tirelessly, without ever getting bored.

"Tammy, there are a lot of butterflies in the backyard right now, do you want to come over and play?" That was what Jano's Mom would say over the phone to my Mom, whenever there were a lot of butterflies and dragonflies in her backyard garden. And me, without needing to be told twice, I would immediately run over there.

Even though our houses were as different as earth and sky, it didn't stop our parents from being close friends. They were so close that they were like their own siblings. In fact, between our houses, a special small connecting gate was built, so when we or they wanted to go to each other's house, we didn't have to bother going all the way around through the front gate like other guests or neighbors do when they come to visit.

If Jano's family has three children — he is the oldest, with Karel and Josh as his younger siblings — then my family has four. My oldest brother is named Bari, he is the one who often hangs out with Jano because they are the same age. My second and third siblings, Rachel and Alena, the ones who were always mean to me, when they are at home and not at school, they always play together with Karel and Josh. It makes sense, their ages are all very close to each other, only a few months apart. Rachel's age is close to Karel's, Lena's is close to Josh's. And me? Hmm, I was always considered the little kid, too small to be able to play with them. Indeed, my presence made our number odd. Bari with Jano. Rachel and Lena were definitely paired with Karel and Josh. So my presence was just a disturbance for them! So annoying, right? I wish Jano's parents wanted to have one more child, then I would have my own playmate.

"Why doesn't Auntie have another kid so I can have my own friend to play with?" I once asked Jano's Mom. The woman just smiled sweetly. Her pair of hands pulled me into her warm hugs.

"Don't worry, you can play with Jano or with me, Tammy." That was always her answer. How could that woman possibly understand my sadness and my longing to be able to play with kids my own age?

But as time went by, I finally understood the real reason why Rachel and Lena liked to leave me alone at home. They were embarrassed to have a little sister like me. My appearance was so completely different from my two older sisters. My face had no resemblance to them at all. I myself was also confused, bewildered, and sad, how could I be so different from Rachel and Lena, even from Bari. Bari was handsome, with bright, clean skin. He was clearly the pride of my Mom and Dad as their only son. Rachel and Lena of course looked like Bari: with clear white skin, their faces were beautiful and cool with thick, black, straight, shiny hair that would not be ruined even if it was hit by a tornado.

And me? Ugh, my body was skinny and scrawny — this is my image until I was in my second year of high school — my skin was dark, dull, and just murky. My hair was curly and frizzy, tending to defy the earth's gravity if it was cut short, especially when blown by the wind, it was always messy and difficult to manage. My hair was not just curly, but it also coiled like snakes fighting over prey! You know the character Medusa, right? With a hair type like that, I only knew one model that was suitable for me: let it grow long and tie it up tightly so the wind wouldn't cause any trouble!

The difference between me and my three siblings was certainly painful for me. Our relatives, our neighbors, and most of the people who knew us, as soon as they saw me among my siblings, they would immediately frown and stare in wonder — at me, of course. I could quickly catch the unspoken question: "How is that possible?" that escaped from their eyes. That sentence was never spoken out loud, but from their facial expressions, even an idiot would immediately understand.

I often wondered in my heart, "Why am I so different and have no resemblance to my three older siblings?"

I once thought about writing a letter to God: "What kind of joke is this, God? Are you kidding me? What did I do wrong to be 'punished' so cruelly like this? Or, maybe I'm not my parents' child? Am I the result of Mom's affair?" That's what I wrote on a piece of paper. But then I was confused, where should I send this letter to?

That "why" question remained neatly stored in my heart. When I finally gave up on Rachel and Alena's attitude who didn't want to invite me to play together, I became self-aware that my existence among them seemed to ruin the picture of a perfect family. I was just a smear of charcoal in a beautiful painting that was never expected. That fact slowly gave rise to my feelings of inferiority when I was in the middle of my family. I also became insecure in front of other people.

Don't be surprised if I grew up to be an introverted child who liked to be alone, had difficulty making friends, and... was super sensitive! I didn't have many friends — my closest friends were my comic books, long before I met Yossi and Ella. Practically, I also couldn't get along with boys. Don't get me wrong, boys can be choosy too when making friends with girls. Of course they would choose pretty girls or girls who are sociable to approach and invite to play.

The only boys I knew and who wanted to know me were of course the three boys from next door. With them I was not afraid of being mocked or rejected, especially Jano. Even though Jano's two younger brothers preferred to play with my two older sisters rather than with me — of course for the reason of age proximity. Because our parents were close friends, it was only natural that we, their children, should also be friends. Period.

For Rachel and Lena who have a perfect appearance as girls, of course it was very easy to get friends and be accepted by anyone. What kind of crazy person would reject girls as pretty as them? The boys were busy sticking close to them, like flies to a sticky flypaper — for example: Karel and Josh! The girls were proud to have friends as cool as them. And me? Being alone was the right choice. Yep, that hobby of mine appeared at the same time as my desire to be invited to play with Rachel and Lena disappeared.

When I felt excluded, alone, and had no friends to play with, besides my comics, Jano was the one who filled my days and my heart. Jano understood me. He was my best friend. My hero. My big brother. And the love of my life.

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