6. KNOWS 2

ICE

I emptied the whiskey in my goblet and followed Trace and Atlas after they left me in the study alone. I walked to the hallway while glancing at the lifesize portraits of the Ferreiras and Silvas family members along the way.

My portrait is there. Same with Trace and his sister Paige. Atlas and his twin sister Althea, too. In the counterpart of the Silvas; Hail and Brix portraits are there. 

I entered the conference room. All eyes were on me. Everyone is waiting for me. Obviously.  

"Mabuti at nandito ka na, hijo." Mama said.

I smiled at her. "Sim (Yes), Mama. Kailangan ko nang harapin ang obligasyon ko. Hindi pwedeng palagi na lang akong nakatago sa likod ni papa."

Mama smiled warmly at me. Natuwa sa sinabi ko o baka na-amuse sa pagta-Tagalog ko kasi bihira ko lang gawin 'yon. I know that my Tagalog accent is not good, but I can comprehend and speak it fluently. Being raised in our kind of family, we need to be linguist. Hindi nga lang kasama ang Filipino language sa inaaral pero dahil ang mama ko naman ang nagturo sa akin ay ibang usapan na iyon. I'm only quarter Filipino, but I'm good at the language.

"Thanks for always being a good son to us, hijo."

 

I only smiled at what mama said. Good son. Yeah, that's always me. And being a good son in Mafia family is not like being a good son in an ordinary one. Kung may pagkapareho lang ay ang bagay na good na matatawag dahil masunurin sa magulang at hindi rebelde.

"I'll be fine, Mama..." I kissed Mama's forehead and went on my chair.

Nagwo-worry pa rin si mama sa akin. Ito kasi ang unang meeting ng FSO na dadaluhan ko bilang head ng organisasyon after two years. Sa nakaraang dalawang taon ay puro si papa ang umaako ng responsibilidad ko na naunawaan naman ng lahat.

Si papa ang pumalit sa akin noong nagdadalamhati ako pero si papa rin ang dahilan kaya nandito na ako ulit. And papa is right... He said that grieving for such a long time is wasting time. That I should focus ahead and stop whining about the past. Na wala na rin akong magagawa at kahit anong lungkot ko ay hindi ko na rin maibabalik pa ang nakaraan.

Again, I closed my eyes to stop reliving the memory in my thoughts. It is still painful. Fucking painful!

But I need it... I need it to never forget how my family was bombed to death and never forget my plan for revenge.

And that tattooed woman... I am inquisitive about her. We aren't done. Mahahanap ko siya.

Questions in my head for her are not only for the mastermind of the tragedy but also about her as I wanna ask her... Why? How?

Why... Why did she save me after I thought she would kill me? 

And how... How did she know the FSO and my connection with the family's organization? 

I believe it was her. Kasama siya ng mga Italyanong nandoon pero naniniwala akong siya lang ang posibleng nagligtas sa akin. I hope she's still alive. How I hope so.

Hope... All I have is hope. Always hope. 

"Ice, can we start this meeting?" Trace asked me with irritation in his tone because of boredom. "I need to go to the US after this. I am a very busy person, just to inform you."

"Sim, vamos começar. (Yes, let's start.)"

Mama left the room among other family members who were not part of the board meeting. And, for almost two hours, I listened to their reports, checked the figures, and gave the floor to those who wanted to speak.

"May I have the floor now?" Trace asked. 

I gave him a side glance. This cousin of mine was not interested before in FSO, which is why I don't know why he is here with a proposal. I stared at him. Parang alam ko na ang sasabihin nito...

"May I have the floor now, Ice?" Trace repeated his query, and I cocked my brows to gesture at him to say what he wanna say. 

"Thanks, my proposal is simple. Join Foedus." 

My eyes boringly looked at him and saw Atlas grinning beside him. Atlas has an idea already about what Trace is planning, of course. Magkasabwat na naman ang dalawa.

"Trace, you are The Head of Foedus and a member of FSO. You are enough already to represent us in that organization." Papa was the one who spoke that. 

"Tio Ansel, look... I am giving this family's organization a chance... Its chance to be protected by Foedus."

"Are you telling me, us, that FSO is nothing compared to your Foedus?" I sense Papa's hypertension is starting as Trace's words are kinda insulting. 

"Well, let us face the fucking fact, Tio Ansel. Fact. F-A-C-T and not F-U-C-K for clarity," nakangising sabi nito.

"And what's the fact we need to face, Trace?" Papa asked.

"That the soon head of this family's organization is Brix's adopted son. I'm right, ain't I?" Trace stated straightly being insensitive again.

Brix's eyes daggered Trace as soon as the latter said the adopted word. I smirked. Mukhang may mag-aaway na ilang sandali pa. And what to expect from Trace? Lagi naman talaga itong pasimuno ng gulo.

"Are you telling me that Art doesn't deserve to be my heir?" galit na tanong ni Brix kay Trace. 

"I am just stating a fact, Brix." Trace shrugged. "Art deserves to be one of your heirs, of course! But FSO's leadership is a fucking different case. You know it fucking well, right?!"

"Pray tell me, Trace..." galit na wika ni Brix. "What's your problem with my son?"

"Will you fucking stop being a protective father for a fucking sec and listen?" Hindi pa rin magpatalo na tanong ni Trace sa isa. "Fucking father's love... Tsk! It's as if I said those words to Art's face, you dick! You know fucking well that I treated Art as a nephew and never questioned his identity. I am only pointing out something that everyone here should fucking consider."

"And what is it to consider?" I asked calmly to ease the tension between Trace and Brix.

"Isa ka pa..." Trace said to me. Umiling. "Parang walang alam sa sistema natin dito, ah!"

"Spill it out, Trace..." sabi ko na lang. "Sabihin mo na habang nakikinig pa ang lahat."

"We all know that the eldest male from Ferreira and Silva could be the next head, if... If you will not produce a male heir..." Trace eyes are on me. "Nasa iyo ang posisyon ngayon dahil tinanggihan ni Tio Michael at napunta kay Tio Ansel. Kapag wala kang mailalabas na lalaking anak ay matic na mababalik sa kahit kaninong apo ni Tio Michael ang susunod na tagapagmana ang posisyon mo."

I sighed. "Family is family, Trace. Walang problema kahit hindi sa akin manggaling ang susunod na lider ng FSO."

"But Art is not our blood."

"Dammit, Trace!" Galit na tumayo si Brix. Hinarangan na lang ito ni Tio Anton para hindi malapitan si Trace. 

"Did you forget the eldest son of Brix and Ali?" kalmado kong tanong kay Trace. "Sergei is the eldest among the next gen. And he is a true Silva. Hindi si Art ang nag-iisang lalaking anak ni Brix na kanina mo pa inaapela."

"Sergei?" tanong ni Trace na natawa. "Could the boy lead? For real?"

"Fuck you, Trace!" Muling galit na susugod sana si Brix pero mabilis na umatras si Trace para umiwas sa isa. Tumayo si Hail at kinausap si Brix. Nakalma naman ang isa at muling naupo.

Good. Mukhang wala naman palang intensyon makipagbasagan ng mukha ngayon ang pinakagago sa aming magpipinsan. Mabuti na rin at wala akong panahon maging tagaawat niya. Sa kanilang lahat ay si Trace ang pinakamahirap awatin.

"Masyado kayong madrama!" Trace scoffed. "I'm only stating facts, galit na kayo agad. Pinapaliwanag ko lang ang magulong sitwasyon ng FSO kapag hindi na si Ice ang pinuno na ayaw niyong intindihin. I'm only here, making you all understand why FSO should allied with Foedus. 'Yon lang! If FSO allied with Foedus ay walang problema kahit sino pa ang gawing tagapagmana ng trono ni Yelo."

"We don't need Foedus, Trace," I replied with my resigned tone. "Stop selling Foedus, I won't buy."

"You need Foedus, Yelo. Ikaw ang higit na nangangailangan ng Foedus." Trace grinned. His confidence was still there. "Kapag bumagsak ang FSO dahil hindi gaya mo ang papalit sa 'yo ay saan kaya pupulutin ang organisasyong ito? Sino ang tutulong? We can't rely on FSO's alliances that's no written agreement sealed from The Court. Anytime ay kahit mga kaalyansa ng FSO ay pwedeng pag-interesan ito. Maraming organisasyon ang gustong makuha ang FSO noon pa man. Excellante na ang nangunguna. Alam niyo na 'yan dati pa."

Hindi na ako nagsalita. Trace has a point, but still I ain't interested. Hinayaan ko na ang iba makipag-usap kay Trace. And watching my cousins while listening to their points of view made me think about how chaotic we are now as we are all adult. Mabuti pa noong hindi pa kami ang kasama sa board.

I missed those days. Those reckless days...

Then a memory from college life, racing cars, and partying made me smile. All those bittersweet memories. All of her and our young love. 

******

"I'm gonna show you something, Ice." She told me while I was hugging her. She was only eighteen, and I was twenty-two. We were in a hotel where I booked us for a night. She's my girl, and we have been seeing each other for two months. 

"What is it?" I asked curiously while smiling at how she looked happy.

"I have a tattoo..." she excitedly informed me. 

"Tattoo?"

"Look!" She showed me the letter 'I' on the side of her left breast. 

"I?" I was speechless; obviously, it was my initial. 

"It's your initial." She giggled and started undressing. "I only have tonight to spare with you, Ice." 

After she had undressed, she pushed me into bed. She positioned above me and kissed me while unbuttoning and unzipping my pants. Her hands were trembling while doing that. 

I pulled her, and I kissed her deeply. I love her. I will marry her after I graduated. And whatever in my thoughts about my plans got distracted as she did make my member rock hard.

Rock hard for her.

******

"Com o devido respeito, Tio Anselmo! Estou apenas preocupado com FSO e o que estu dizendo é a verdade que esta organização precisa de Foedus! (With due respect, Tio Anselmo. I am just concerned with FSO, and what I am saying is the truth that this organization needs Foedus!)" Trace's persuading voice makes my attention back to the meeting. And now, he's speaking in our language... I sighed. 

I clicked my tongue as I made a tsk sound. If I do not intervene, my father will start to punish this arrogant cousin of mine in our family's way of discipline.

"Enough, Trace!" awat ko na. "I already said it. We are not interested in joining Foedus. End of discussion." 

"Hah! Really, Ice?" he mockingly asked me.

"Told ya!" Atlas said in his light tone to Trace. "Just accept the screwing fact that I am the only one interested in being part of your Foedus, Trace. I could represent FSO if you like." 

"No one will join Foedus!" I almost growled with every word I said to stop the nonsense. 

"Fuck you!" Trace said that in his always awesome way of saying his favorite line. 

"Mouth, Patricio!" That was Tio Anton this time.

When I glance at Hail and Brix ay hindi na umiimik pa ang magkapatid. Like telling me na bahala na ako dahil ayaw na nilang patulan pa si Trace.

Ibinalik ko ang tingin ko kay Trace. His heavy breathing was evident; I knew it was because he didn't like my decision. I shook my head in disbelief at what was happening.

There is nothing wrong with Trace's proposal, but FSO is still prospering, so we don't need an alliance, especially Foedus. FSO could stand on its own. 

I agreed on what he said to me earlier in the study room, na kung sa Foedus ay matutulungan niya ako mahanap ang nagpapatay sa pamilya ko. Iyong bagay na iyon ay naniniwala ako pero ang ipinamumukha niya sa aming lahat na kailangan ng FSO ang Foedus niya ay isang kalokohan. Malaking kalokohan.

We continued the meeting. Trace and Atlas no longer said a word. I adjourned the meeting after there was nothing to talk about. I left the conference room, walked to the lanai, and stayed there for a while. I was looking nowhere as I remembered Libby and Millie... and how unfair I was to them for not introducing them to my family.  

Even though she was not my first love, Libby was still the one who made me aim again for a peaceful life. And the only one who made me whole again after the accident.  

Hope died in the accident because of me.

Hope... 

Ang insidente sa Illinois ay isang sampal sa akin. Sampal na kahit anong gawin ko ay hindi ko matatakasan ang buhay Mafia na pinagmulan ko. And after Libby and Millie's death, parang multo ang mga alaala ni Hope na binabalikan ako. Kinokonsensya.

"Ice..." 

I didn't turn around to face the one calling me. It was Atlas.

"Se você vai me dizer que gosta de se juntar a Foedus, então pare por aÍ, Atlas. (If you are going to tell me that you would like to join Foedus, stop there, Atlas.) I am not going to listen to your wants. You will kill yourself joining Foedus." Inunahan ko na si Atlas dahil alam ko na ang sasabihin niya. Pilipinas na naman at Foedus.

"Let Atlas go with me," Trace interrupted, and I turned to face him. I am taller than Trace but how he looked at me is like telling me I should not contradict his plan. 

"Sim, o Trace está certo. Desculpe, Ice. Mas eu preciso ir com meus planos. (Yes, Trace is right. Sorry, Ice. But I need to go with my plans.)" Atlas walked away after saying that. I was left with Trace grinning at me like he was telling me he had won our cousin's favor. 

I know what Trace is doing. He wanna provoke me as he wanna convince me to join his Foedus. Kung bakit ito nangungulit ay wala rin akong ideya.

"You laid your cards, and I already declined. So stop pushing your luck, Trace," I told him to clarify that nothing could change my mind. 

"The hell of deciding fast, Ice!" Trace chuckled. "Words of wisdom for you, Isidro. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses is important. Your strength will be your advantage. Your weakness is your priority. Put that in your mind, for I can foresee that you will lose all of your strength because of your weakness. Better listen... You. Need. Foedus! You. Need. Me!" 

Trace left me after he stated that. A lopsided grin formed on my lips as I didn't give a damn about the weakness and strength drama of Trace. 

The only thing I know and need to follow is my favorite word. Focus. 

Yeah... Focus is the game. That is the only thing I believe in aside from... hope. 

Yeah. Hope, for my dear Hope again.