La Cuevas #3: Beautiful Scars

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have just been cleared to land at Ninoy Aquino International Airport. Please make sure one last time your seat belt is securely fastened. The flight attendants are currently passing around the cabin to make a final compliance check and pick up any remaining cups and glasses. Thank you."

I swiftly put on my Ray-Ban aviator when I heard the public address announcement. I looked at the window beside me and saw the familiar view of Metro Manila. I gulped and inhaled heavily as I try not to tremble while examining the view. After five years .. it's still the same.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Ninoy Aquino International Airport Cebu Pacific air welcomes you to Manila. On behalf of your Flight Deck Crew headed by Captain Bildan, with first officer Berches and the rest of the team, we thank you for choosing Cebu Pacific, your Airline of choice. We are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a nice day. "I heard the flight attendant's landing announcement.

Finally, the six and almost a half hours of flight from Australia to Philippines is now over. When I'm all done, I went out of the plane together with the other passengers of the flight.

I was greeted by the familiar climate of the Philippines. There was still nervousness and doubt in my feeling but I dismissed all of that when I saw my cousin Gavin, and his girlfriend, Lea, waiting at the airport.

I automatically smiled and walked towards them. I last saw them last Christmas because they went to  visit me in Australia. They haven’t noticed me yet because Gavin is busy fixing the strap of Lea’s mini dress cause it’s probably falling off. Lea, on the other hand, looked around as if looking for something, and her beautiful eyes widened when she saw me.

She hit Gavin a few times with joy so my cousin frowned and looked at me as well because Lea pointed at me. I was just shaken and reluctantly pulled my suitcase towards them. I took off my aviator and just held it on.

"Sadie! Omg!" Lea immediately went to hug me so I let go of the suitcase handle. I chuckled when she squeezed me in between her arms because of excitement.

"Hmp! Smells like Australia!" She commented and let go of our hug.

Gavin nodded at me so I just smiled at him, "Have you been waiting for a while?" I asked them. I glanced at the two.

Lea was wearing a pink mini dress and it was very nice to her body. Gavin, on the other hand, was wearing a white dress shirt and black pants, probably from work.

"Yup, earlier. Seriously, you look even better!" Lea answered and let Gavin carry my suitcase.

I smiled at him and just listened to Lea’s stories about them and Gavin as we exited the airport where Gavin’s Range Rover was waiting.

I will stay at Gavin's Penthouse first because we are still going home to La Cuevas tomorrow. It is said that our private plane will arrive tomorrow and will just pick us up at the airport. In fact, I could have just picked up from Australia to Cebu, but I chose to book my own flight because I didn't want that, especially if I would be the only one on the plane.

I just agreed to go with them tomorrow because I knew after almost seven hours of flying I was very tired so it would be better to just go tomorrow. And I wasn't mistaken, because my eyes were already closing as Lea kept talking as the car started moving.

"Hey, you're not listening!" I raised an eyebrow even though I was able to close my eyes.

"Hmm," I mumbled while resting my head on top of the backrest.

"I said we'll watch kuya's concert later! They have a concert at the MOA!"

My eyes widened and I stared at the headliner of the car. I didn't hear what Lea said next because my mind was too busy with what she said. 5pm will have their concert tonight? 

"Oh my— don't tell me you're still not over him?"

There I blinked and turned to Lea who was looking at me worriedly. I swallowed and averted my eyes as the car moved smoothly.

Lea fell silent when I was startled and suddenly realized what she had said.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that—"

"It's fine." I cut off what she has to say.

"I'm really sorry—"

"I'm over him, Lea, don't worry." I answer that, but the truth is, I also don’t know if I mean it or not.

Am I over yet? I just hope so.. Because for five years I spent in Australia, I did nothing but to forget him. I hope I succeed, because I don't want what I worked so hard to build to come to waste. Myself.

"Really? So you're going later?"

I frowned and looked at her sideways. I was next to her here in the backseat while Gavin seemed to be the driver alone in the front who couldn't do anything because Lea wanted to sit next to me.

"I'm tired," I reasoned.

She snorted and stared at me. "Sus, you're tired my foot. My older bkuya wants to see you too! Why don't you just go to sleep when we get to the penthouse then wake up tonight to watch—"

"Baby, she might really want to rest." Gavin replied that I was grateful.

"Of course! She hasn't slept all day, it's still early. She can wake up at 8 and then we'll leave to the concert.." Lea insisted.

I just sighed and closed my eyes again. I let them argue because I didn’t have the strength to immerse myself in them. I was too tired and nervous to speak.

When we got to the Rockwell building, we headed to the 15th floor that Gavin’s penthouse had built for them and Lea. It is very wide and modern, but not very glassy. I heard that Lea's older brother designed it while Gavin is the head engineer.

Even though I wanted to keep an eye on the whole house, I was being dragged into drowsiness. So I went into the first room I could enter and threw myself on the soft bed.

I woke up at eight o'clock based on the room clock. I can't remember where I put my cellphone so I just went straight to my own bathroom here and washed. I was still wearing my turtle neck sweater and denim pants. I no longer bothered to change because I was so hungry.

It was three o'clock when I got home and I slept for almost four hours so my head hurt a bit. How else can I sleep later.

I combed my hair before leaving the room and smelling what was being cooked in the kitchen. Yawning I went straight there and found the couple fighting again. Seriously, these two.

"What? I just want to help her!"

"Let her be, don't force her."

"But if she won't face him now, when else? How will she know if she's really moved on if she won't face him, right?"

I frowned and stopped walking. Are they talking about me? Gavin sighed and pressed Lea to his waist so my face turned sour. Cringe.

"Baby .. it's their life. Let's not meddle with them." Gavin said slowly in a deep tone.

Lea was silent and it seemed like she just rolled her eyes before turning around and her eyes were immediately stunned when she saw me.

"Oh, hi!" She smiled awkwardly and I don't know how to respond. I looked at Gavin who's tiredly watching his girl.

"Hmm," I nodded and smiled before sitting down on the bar stool. Over the past five years I have learned to smile often, not because someone is struggling or hurting, but because I want to know how to smile at everything even if it hurts me.

"Right, we should really eat. We've been waiting for you to wake up ..." Lea said enthusiastically and prepared the food.

"Sorry," I said.

She quickly shook her head and smiled, "It's okay, I know you're tired. After we eat, you can continue your sleep then me and Wyatt will go out to watch the concert—"

"I'll go with you."

Leah was stunned and stopped what she was doing. She stared at me and raised an eyebrow as if in she's not convinced.

"Sadie," Gavin called but I just smiled at him.

I thought Lea was right, how would I know if I had moved on if I wouldn't have to deal with the sight of him, right? How can I say I’m done with him if to this day, I still avoid him? I should really face him. I think I need this to completely move on.

"It's fine, I'll prove to you that I'm over him already. I'll come." I finally said that they were quiet. The couple looked at each other and eventually Gavin did nothing as we prepared to leave.

I was wearing a white high neck racer mini dress that was close to my body. My shoulders and hands were exposed so my tattoos appeared there but still covered part of my chest. When I first showed it to them on the first Christmas they visited Australia, they really couldn’t believe it. And they were even more surprised to find out who did this to my skin.

I also brought a black blazer just in case I got cold at the venue. I only wore flats and let my hair grow long with naturally large curls.

Before we left, Lea came into the room and arranged for me. Gavin was very bored while waiting in the living room but when we finished he was stunned again by his girlfriend who was overflowing with ex.

When we arrived at the venue we could hardly enter because of the crowd. Fortunately, older brother Sage has already reserved a standing pass for us. Did he know I was going to watch?

Shouts, fan chants, and yells rang in my ears as I squeezed myself inside. Too many people, the concert started earlier and there are only a few songs left before it ends so I'm happy because it means we won't be here long.

5pm is the name of their band, PM stands for Prime Musicians and Five because they are five; My brother Sage, Ricci, Vincent, Andrei and.. Luke. I am proud of my brother and his bands who persevered in their dream. They used to practice only in the mansion and only play in La Cuevas, but now almost the whole of the Philippines is shouting their names. They've become so big that I still couldn't believe I'm close to them.

The crowd fell silent when the lights suddenly went out and the surroundings became dark. I heard Lea's sharp scream so I frowned and was surprised when the people shouted again.

Curiously I focused my eyes on the stage. There was a man in a white sleeveless shirt moving, he seemed to be adjusting his guitar and slightly testing it but I couldn't see very well because it was really dark.

I was so shocked when the light shone again and the figure of the man appeared from the darkness almost to stop my breathing. With just the familiar image of his tribal tattoos on his right shoulder, I recognized him right away.

He looked down on his guitar as he stood in the middle and focused his mouth on the microphone. He skillfully strummed the guitar and adjusts the tone.

"AAAAAAAAA I LOVE YOU LUKE!"

"OH MY GOSH! LUKE GIVE ME YOUR GENES!"

"WE LOVE YOU LUUUUUUKE!"

I was deafened by the screams of the people, but I could feel Lea's silence beside me. Gavin hasn't made a noise in a while. I held my breath as Luke looked up and looked at the sea of ​​people.

Those eyes .. shit, why is he alone there? Where are the others? Is he singing alone? My chest heaved as he spoke.

"So .. I'll have a solo number for tonight. This song is for those who feel burdened and chased by their past. For those scars that haven't been healed, for those misplaced hatred you shed to your self."

I blinked and my lips parted spontaneously as he began to sing. I had a feeling that I already knew what he was going to sing. No .. it's not it. It's not that, please, it's not the song he composed with me ..

My heart was beating faster and faster. I kept begging that this wasn't the song that he wrote for me. But I couldn't paint how blown I was when he started and I realized .. that's really it. I wasn't wrong at all.

“Broken all the pieces I’ve been shaping lately

Focused on the things that didn't make no sense

Guess that growing up was never meant to be easy

Yeah, I got used to doing everything sideways

Didn't really care about how anyone felt

Hiding my emotions down in different ashtrays

Oh, but what is lost ain't gone

No, you can't just let go

'Cause it's a part of you that will make you strong

Embrace your flaws "

Beautiful scars. It was the title that he came up for the song that we made together back then. For five years I never heard it again, I left everything that reminded me of him. I forgot everything we did together. And I didn’t expect this to be the effect of the thing I was trying to run from. It used to comfort me but, God .. why does it sounds so painful now?

“I’m not gonna fight back what I’ve become

Yeah, I got bruises where I came from

But I wouldn't change if I could restart

I ain't gonna hide these beautiful scars

I've been going way too hard on myself

Guess that it's the reason I've been feeling like hell

But I wouldn't change if I could restart

I ain't gonna hide these beautiful scars "

My hands trembled spontaneously and I felt a strange weakness in my knees. I clung to Le's  hand so she was quickly worried.

"Sadie .." she called but I was too clouded with lots of thoughts rushing through my head. I just stared at him while my breathing was heavy. Secretly accompanying in my mind the song only the two of us know.

Why am I acting like this? Is it right for me to come here? But I have already prepared for it! I have spent the last five years convincing myslef that that's enough, done, no more. So why am I like this now?

“I went down a road that only got me nowhere

I've seen every corner, every inch of this place

Being all alone it really got me thinking, maybe overthinking

That what is lost ain't gone

No, you can't just let go

'Cause it's a part of you that will make you strong

Embrace your flaws "

I watched every movement of his lips, every strum of his fingers on the guitar and the slight turning of his head every time he looked at people.

Deafening. A variety of noises enter my ears, but the only thing that is clear is the fast and strong beating of my heart. It was simmering and seemed to want to slip out of my chest. Why? Why .. is his effect on me still here?

My grip on Lea's hand tightened as tears rolled down my cheeks I didn't know why. I was no longer aware that I've been holding my breath. I quickly let go of the air that had accumulated in my chest and I immediately overcame it as Luke's gaze dropped to our side and his eyes gradually approached our seat.

“I’m not gonna fight back what I’ve become

Yeah, I've got bruises where I came from

But I wouldn't change if I could restart

I ain't gonna hide these beautiful scars

I've been going way too hard on myself

Guess that it's the reason I've been feeling like hell

But I wouldn't change if I could restart

I ain't gonna hide these beautiful

Hide these beautiful scars "

"SHIT! SHE'S GOING TO LOOK HERE!"

"OH MY GOD! LUKE! HERE, LUKE!"

When his eyes reached our spot and passed, he quickly stopped strumming and singing. I was surprised when he immediately looked back at us. To me. Our eyes have met and locked and even the people were confused with the interruption of the song as it ended.

"He's looking at you .." Lea whispered in my ears while squeezing my hand.

I stayed still and stared back at him. His forehead furrowed as he looked at me, in the sea of ​​people, it was amazing that he found me. I can't figure how I feel. My eyesight is blurred because of my tears, I keep them from dripping and my heart is beating faster and faster.

My knees were shaking with nervousness. I feel like his stares are melting me. He was startled when people started making noise and then he blinked and averted his eyes.

I watched him being suddenly anxious as he put the handle back on the guitar and wondered where he was in the song.

Can I really face him?

Am I done with him?

Have I really forgotten him?

Did I .. really moved on from him already?

I heard him faked a laugh before realizing where he was in the song. "Hide these beautiful scars, hmm .."

I gasped for breath when I finally realized the answer to my questions.

No . . .