Letting go

Our graduation trip was originally something my boyfriend, Josiah Holt, and I had agreed on.

Over four years of college, I'd gone with Josiah to all kinds of places. From snow-capped mountains and rugged canyons to sunbaked deserts and endless highways, all of them were places he preferred.

Before graduation, I brought it up to him once. "Josiah, let's go somewhere with a beach. Just a quiet little town that isn't too touristy. We can sleep in, have some seafood, enjoy the sea breeze, and just take things slow."

He had agreed readily that day. "Sure. It's your call for the graduation trip."

I was very happy because of that for a long time.

I came up with three different versions of the itinerary. For our hotel, I picked one right next to the old town. Our room came with a little balcony where we could see the harbor lights at night. I even secretly bought a white dress, hoping we could take some graduation photos together on the beach.

But a week before we were supposed to go on our trip, my childhood friend, Meredith Sloan, posted a route map of the Windmere Plains in a group chat.

"We should definitely go somewhere more exciting for our graduation trip. You can go to the beach anytime, but it's not every year we get good weather in the Windmere Plains in summer!"

Josiah was quick to reply. "This route looks solid."

I stared at my phone, my fingers hovering over the screen for a long time. Finally, I sent my message. "But didn't we agree on the beach?"

Meredith shot back swiftly. "Calliope, you're not seriously trying to turn our graduation trip into a retirement trip, are you? We're in our 20s! Don't act like you're already 60!"

The others in the group laughed. Someone said the Windmere Plains would make for amazing shots, someone said the beach was too basic, and someone else said it would be a shame for Josiah and Meredith not to shoot a road trip film.

Josiah didn't stand up for me. Instead, he just messaged me privately. "Don't be a buzzkill. Meredith has a point there. I'll take you to the beach some other time."

There it was again. Some other time. He was always promising me "some other time", but he was always ready to hop on someone else's current plan.

I stared at that message, feeling a pang in my chest. Still, I replied, "Okay."

And so, I canceled all the beach hotel reservations. I started over, researching the Windmere Plains route, booking car rentals and accommodations, checking the altitude and the weather, working out the budget, and buying the insurance.

All Meredith posted in the group was, "Calliope puts together a mean itinerary", followed by a clapping emoji.

Looking at that message, I honestly didn't know whether to be happy or upset.

…

On the day we set off, Josiah came to pick me up. Meredith was already sitting in the passenger seat with her sunglasses on, long legs propped out the window, and an iced latte in her hand.

When she saw me walking out with my luggage, she tipped her chin at me. "Hey, Calliope, take the back seat, will you? I get carsick, so I'm better off up front."

I get carsick too. Josiah knew that.

I was about to say something, but he'd already opened the rear door for me. "Just bear with it. Mer was up until 3:00 am editing footage last night, so she's not in great shape. The back's roomier anyway. You can get some sleep."

Seeing how naturally and smoothly he did it, it took me back to freshman year. The first time I went on a trip with him, I got terribly carsick too. He gave the passenger seat up for me, squeezed into the back himself, and kept handing me water and tissues.

Back then, he'd said, "What's wrong with my girlfriend being a little fussy? I'm the one who spoiled her."

Now, he shoved my suitcase into the trunk, then turned to Meredith and said, "Buckle up! We're going!"

I stood by the car and smiled quietly to myself. So it turned out that there was a time frame for being favored too.