Chapter 3

My ears were ringing so badly I couldn't hear anything else. After I hung up, I scrambled into Mom's room, holding my phone out in front of her like an accusation.

"Didn't you say that as long as I was brave, you'd let me go to college?"

She was in the middle of her skincare routine, and she looked at me coldly, the way she always did. "That's right. The condition was bravery. Look at yourself. From the moment the party started, you haven't been brave for a single second."

She smiled. "So, why would I let you go to college?"

I stared at her, the ache in my chest so suffocating I could barely breathe. "Mom, that's my dream."

She rolled her eyes, dripping with contempt. "Dreams are for the brave. Cowards don't even deserve to say the word."

"I'm not a coward!" My voice was shaking.

She stared at me coldly, not like she was looking at a daughter, but at an enemy. "You're afraid of the dark, afraid of what people say. If you're not a coward, then what are you?"

She pushed me aside and walked out. I stood alone in her room with the light gone from my eyes.

Dad came home just then. He paused in the doorway, his lips parting like he wanted to say something, but all that came out was a sigh.

Back in my room, I stared blankly at my acceptance letter from Pennington. All these years, the only thing that had kept me going through Mom's abuse was the dream of getting into Pennington, escaping her control, and living for myself one day.

But now it was all gone, and I couldn't hold on to any of it.

A little while later, Mom pushed open my door and spoke like she was granting me a favor. "Do you want to go to college?"

I froze, but there was no joy. With her, there was always a catch.

Sure enough, the next second she said, "If you do, come with me to the amusement park."

I froze again. The half-smile on her face made my blood run cold.

I clenched my jaw. For Pennington, even the slightest chance was worth taking.

Half an hour later, standing in front of the haunted house at the amusement park, I finally understood what she had planned. She even seemed to enjoy the fear on my face.

"Desensitization training. Walk through it and come out the other side without crying, screaming, or having an episode. Do that, and I'll get your enrollment reinstated."

My eyes burned. Growing up, the only thing I feared more than the dark room was a haunted house. The first time Mom brought me for desensitization as a kid, this was the place.

I was only eight years old. I'd cried so hard inside that I passed out, but she didn't take me to the hospital. She let me lie there in the scorching sun while she stood in the shade nearby, watching with cold, indifferent eyes.

All of that childhood despair came crashing back in an instant. I let out a hollow laugh, every ounce of strength draining from my body. "I don't want college anymore. I don't want anything."

Her expression darkened. She clearly hadn't expected me to refuse, and her anger flared instantly. "That's not your choice! This is today's desensitization. Get in there!"

A bystander nearby couldn't keep quiet. "Ma'am, if she doesn't want to go, why are you forcing her? An amusement park is supposed to be fun."

Mom scoffed. "Fun? Cowards don't deserve fun."

The crowd kept growing, but I didn't feel embarrassed anymore. I just stared at the ground, numb. She kicked me through the entrance, her face twisted. "You have half an hour. If you're not out by then, you'll regret it."

I took a deep breath and walked in, then stopped in my tracks. Every light inside was on.

A middle-aged man standing at the front looked at me with an expression I couldn't quite place. "I remember you. You're that little girl with claustrophobia from all those years ago."

He let out a sigh, his eyes full of sympathy. "I've got your back this time, kid. All the lights are on. You won't have an episode."

A lump rose in my throat. I walked through the haunted house that used to terrify me, tears filling my eyes the entire way.

Fifteen minutes later, Mom was surprised to see me walk out. She even looked a little proud. "See? That was easy. I knew my training was working."

I murmured in agreement and didn't argue.

She took my hand like she was doing me a charity. "Fine. I'll call the school and have your enrollment reinstated."

I forced the corners of my mouth upward. "Don't bother."

I was so tired of being alive. While I was in that haunted house, I'd figured out exactly where I needed to go.