Mag-log inMy mother is a powerhouse, but she somehow ends up with me, a coward with claustrophobia. "What claustrophobia? You're just being dramatic!" In order to help me "desensitize," she builds a pitch-black, soundproof room in the house. In elementary school, I scream and cry in terror the first time she locks me inside, and she punishes me by not letting me eat for three days. In middle school, I try harder to hold it together and only let out a few quiet whimpers, but she makes me kneel in the snow for a full day and night. I tough it out all the way through senior year, telling myself that getting into college and leaving home will fix everything. But on the day of my acceptance party, she decides to show off the results of her desensitization in front of all the guests and locks me straight into the dark room. "Mom!" I drop to my knees, crying and begging as my dignity gets shredded to pieces. "My claustrophobia is gone, I swear. I'm begging you, please don't lock me in there." The look in her eyes is almost unhinged. "No! If you don't go in, you'll never go to college." But eventually, I really am cured. So Mom, why can't you smile anymore?
view moreWhen Mom got home, everything was still exactly the way it had been the day I jumped. The dark room stood there quietly, untouched.Mom stopped in front of it. I couldn't read the expression on her face. After a moment, she turned around, went down to the basement, and came back up with a power saw.I had a feeling I knew what she was about to do, and I didn't know how to feel about it.She looked at the dark room, raised the saw, and started cutting. Piece by piece, she tore apart the place that had held a lifetime of my suffering, until the whole thing collapsed with a crash.It was gone.Mom sat on the ground beside the wreckage, drenched in sweat, the hand holding the saw still shaking. But her eyes were calm, and there was something like a smile at the corner of her mouth."Can you see this, Pheebs?" she said softly. "I cut it down. No more pain. Never again."I looked away, my clenched fists trembling. "But I'm already dead, Mom."She went to my room next and sat at the f
Dad smiled bitterly. "If I'd just been decisive and taken Pheebs away, none of this would have happened."Mom's eyes were hollow, her voice flat. "Ever since I gave birth to her, it was like something in me broke. I was never fit to be a mother."She was barely talking to him anymore, just murmuring to herself. "Whenever you were good to her, I'd go insane with jealousy and take it all out on her. Neil, I wasn't always like this."Dad lowered his gaze, grief flickering across his face. "It's postpartum depression that turned into something worse. I'm to blame for that too."You really weren't always like this. You were bright and full of life, the kind of person who stood out in any crowd the second I saw you. You were the kind of person who'd hold an umbrella over a stray cat in the rain."Mom's tears fell as she listened. She buried her face in her hands, choking on sobs. "Was I really? And I turned into this."I killed my Pheebs."Dad's eyes were full of anguish. "We're both
Dad still remembered the first time I had an episode. The three of us were in an elevator together, and I was only three years old.But by then, Mom's postpartum depression and separation anxiety had only gotten worse, so much worse that whenever anyone showed me any affection, she would lose her mind and take all of her rage out on me.Dad knew how obsessive she was. That was why he'd spent all these years holding this broken family together, refusing to divorce, choosing instead to watch over me quietly from a distance.He didn't dare get close. The only time he ever allowed himself to look in on me was in the dead of night. Mom's fixation had only intensified over the years. She wouldn't let him be kind to anyone, including his own daughter.So, he'd suppressed every instinct for over a decade, all so I could at least grow up safe. But he was wrong. It was his cowardice that led to this.He was the one who was wrong.I watched as he staggered to his feet and knelt beside me, g
The wind screamed past my ears, and then there was a deafening crash as my body hit the ground right next to Mom and the film crew. The livestream hadn't been shut off yet, and the chat went dead silent.Blood splattered across Mom's face. She flinched, squeezing her eyes shut on instinct. When she opened them again, she was looking at a face she knew, one that was no longer recognizable. She just stood there, completely frozen, unable to process what she was seeing.It was the crew who screamed first, stumbling backward in panic. The livestream erupted alongside them."Is this a special effect? Did someone actually die?""Call 911! Call 911! Someone jumped!""Oh my god, she's actually dead!"The crew finally snapped out of it and killed the stream. And the woman standing in the center of the blood, less than three feet from the body, finally reacted. She walked toward me slowly, forcing a smile that was stiff and grotesque."P-Phoebe? Quit messing around and get up!"Did you h






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