Goodbye and hello

AMBER'S POV

"Hey hon, we just landed, I'm going straight to Grandma, call you later,"

I said to my girlfriend, Cassy. We've been together for three months now. Eight months ago, I decided to stay in California with my parents, where I met Cassy, but I miss my job, especially when Sam called to get my job back. It's about 7 p.m. now, and I'm being held up by traffic when I need to pee. I hired a car and was passing through Felix bar, so I took advantage of the opportunity to stop and relieve my bladder.

This bar never changes; it's still the same, with loud music and a lot of people hanging out. I'm on my way to the restroom when someone unexpectedly opens the door to my cubicle and sits on my lap; I'm not sure what she's up to, but her aroma is recognizable.

Curiosity fills me in, and I glance at her while she sits on my lap, confirming that my thoughts are correct.

It's my ex-girlfriend Esther, and looking at her tipsy visage reminds me of all...

I met Esther four years ago, and the first time I laid eyes on her, when she stole a kiss from me, I realized I wanted more of her.

I wasn't sure about myself till she came and disturbed my thoughts and feelings.

After five months of dating, we went official, and we did a lot of things. I had never been happier in my life until I met her, but even the most beautiful things have an expiration date.

There are moments when I attempt to blame her for what happened to us, but I'm sure I have flaws, too.

Simple things lead to arguments, and I accept that there are plenty of them. I still don't know much about her, even though we spend a lot of time together under one roof.

The thought of believing that it is best if we live together quickly disappoints me; I am not sure if living under the same roof to get to know each other better is a good idea, or if living together causes us both to neglect each other in many ways, with the thought that at the end of the day, we will still see each other in bed.

Those created a significant barrier between us, which we did not anticipate until I realized things weren't working out anymore, and the heartbreaking part is that instead of resolving things, she decided to end everything.

I'm not furious at her; maybe I just understand that not everything you think is wonderful deserves to endure a lifetime; perhaps we're both destined for something different.

I ended up walking away...

I spent a few months in California trying to forget her, but I knew it wouldn't be easy until I met Cassy and things started to improve for me.

Knowing that she is the person sitting on my lap causes me to stare at her for a moment before realizing how inebriated she is.

She can't be like this; Esth has an allergy to alcohol if the minimal amount of intake in her body reaches its maximum.

Her vitals will eventually decrease, causing her to experience shock; I recall the day she explained it to me.

I can see the surprise on her face; she recognizes me, we have a little conversation, and I am ready to leave when she stops me and invites me to relax a little.

We sit at their table, but her companions have already left. I can tell that she can no longer drink another bottle, or she would pass out, so I quickly grab her hand and get a wet towel before heading to my car.

I'm not sure why I'm still doing this; all I can think about is the effects of too much alcohol on her. It's been a while, and I'm still concerned about her; she’s still important to me somehow.

I wipe her face with the towel, which draws her gaze to me. As she appears calm, we engage in small talk, which gives me the courage to tell her about Cassy, especially when she is about to kiss me...

I acknowledge that I am currently in a relationship...

It just comes out of my mouth that stops her. I observed how distant she seemed straight away, and I'm not sure if I should feel guilty about it, but I have to say it.

Silence surrounds us for a bit, so I begin to ask her a question I had wanted to ask earlier.

Inquiring about her well-being. I asked calmly, looking straight at her. She responds with a little of adorable sarcasm, so I respond with cute sarcasm as well...

This time, her response seemed to be fine...

Another short discussion surrounds us, and I was going to speak again when she abruptly hugs me, stiffening me for a time.

For another minute, we express our feelings of missing each other, and I must admit that I miss her grin.

Her tears streamed down her cheeks, and I began to restrain my emotions since I knew my tears would follow. Instead, I muttered something to make her feel better.

"Look, I won't leave here again,"

I said, then turned to face her, wiping her tears and kissing her on the forehead. I'm not sure what pushed me to do this, but I can't help it.

I know my situation now, and I know Cassy is somehow occupying my heart, but I can't just let go of Esth.

I propose a lifetime partnership, which appears to surprise her slightly.

She stares at me for a minute, silence surrounds us, and I'm not sure what's on her mind, but a grin appears on her face, which strangely relieves me.

She gives me those kinds of requirements as a friend, and I promise her that I can work on that.

"Make sure you do! Because I don't want to lose you at least as a friend, I need someone else too, I mean, I want to start over as you did, so please stay by my side."

Saying those words with those serious yet wonderful eyes melts something inside of me.

"As long as you need me,"

I responded, glancing at her sleepy eyes. The fact that she is a little tipsy makes me wonder if she is serious about what she says, but it reflects in her eyes, so I suppose she is.

Silence surrounds us, and her eyes are fixed on the road. I start the engine, which does not bother her in the least.

"You can take a little nap and rest."

"Sure, it has been a long day for me."

She remarked, reclining sideways and facing the window.

I'm not sure if time moves quickly between us, but the changes within her are superficial.

I can barely read her anymore.

Almost 45 minutes had passed when we arrived at her house.

"Hey...we are here,"

I murmured, and she just fixed herself to go out, but then stopped and faced me.

"I'm glad you're back,"

She said, peering into my eyes and kissing my cheeks. I must admit that I was startled; she has changed...

Four years ago...

"Feeling good?"

"You are my first, but I am alright."

"First date always the same"

"Yeah, but...crowds...I am... I mean, crowds aren’t yet a good deal for me in this kind of relationship, Ambi, you know that…"

"I understand..."

It is still evident to me that she gets a bit uncomfortable during our first month.

And then another thing...when I’m about to kiss her.

"Hey, babe—"

"—Ambi no...not yet..."

"Why? Have I done something wrong?"

"Ah, I am not used to that yet. We are in the car, and your glass isn’t tainted; everyone is looking."

"Oh...okay, I am sorry."

"Ahm, I am sorry, babe, I don't mean to...but...I mean, I am not yet used to it. I know you keep waiting for me to come out, but I just couldn't for now...But I will get there...I promise."

Those times when she couldn't let it out, she was so preserved...and now she is different...

"I am glad you’re back."

"I won't leave again."

"Make sure of that,"

She urged before heading home, with her back to me as she walked away...

I think a new Esther will be my next best friend from now on. I merely let out a long sigh while resting my back against my chair.

She is correct; today has been a long day...

"Ring…ring..."

"Hey there, beautiful."

"Sweet words for an old woman like me, huh?"

"Oh, come on, your beautiful face has nothing to do with your age, Grandma."

"Thank you, Ambi. So, how are you? What time will you arrive?”

"I am now driving. I just sent someone back home."

"Who?"

Gulp a little before saying her name to Granny.

"Esther"

"Oh, she is? That's a terrific start, sweetheart.”

"Oh, no, granny, it's not like that... I have Cassey, and you know that.”

"Fine, but I know you better, and you know that too, just come home to eat dinner."

My grandma always knows me better than I know myself, but I'm not sure what she's saying here.

When I get home from a long day, all I want is a nice hug from her.

She prepares me dinner and tells me a lot about what she did while I was gone. She even mentions Esther visiting her every Sunday for sweet buns, which are her favorite.

After supper, I return to my room, which I miss. The reason I chose to go away for a bit is that I can't stay here knowing it holds so many memories of Esther and me together.

Sometimes I wonder what truly transpired between us and why we decided to end things...

When my cellphone rings, I drop down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I thought it was Cassey, but it was Esther, so I answered immediately.

"Hey"

"Hey Esth, what's up?"

"I kind of need to get used first with just calling me Esth, I guess, hahaha"

"Well, another call sign isn’t a bad thing for a best friend."

She said, and then we went silent again...

"Esth?"

I called her out, and then she spoke.

"Lovey"

"Lovey what?"

"Lovey is cute for our call sign, what do you think?"

I was caught off guard by what she said, even though Lovey is really lovely.

"I can agree to that, nice choice, Lovey."

"And you're saying it nicely, which I enjoy... I miss the way you pronounce our call sign.”

"Thanks"

"So, how are you? I mean, what is her name?"

She suddenly asked, and then I was taken off guard again.

"She is Cassey."

"I like the name. How long have you been together?"

I'm not sure, but I feel weird answering her inquiry,

"Three months now, we've been friends first and then—"

“—And then fell in love...I wish I felt the same way."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don’t know, after you left, I felt stuck, like I can’t even move from what happened to us, though I know my heart is okay, but my whole self isn’t..."

"I am sorry...I fucked up your first relationship."

"Maybe that is because it is my first major relationship and it has turned out that way, but I am not furious at you or feeling anything bad; I feel like my heart is scared...or maybe I'm just…really just… stuck at this moment."

She explains, and I can sense a little sadness in her tone.

"What should we do to get you out of that?"

"Being stuck? Well, another nice soul will do; how about you introduce me to someone?"

That concept stopped me, but perhaps she is correct, and it will help her.

"Why don't you do a blind date? Dating apps are popular these days."

I suggested, and I'm not sure she'll agree, given how long I've known her.

"I can try that...that sounds good"

I was surprised to hear that from her; if she sees me now, I will almost fall out of bed because I did not expect to hear that from her.

"Alright, but what do you like this time? Do you still go straight, or will you go with another woman again?”

I'm not sure why I dropped the question; I simply kind of regretted asking her...I'm making a mistake again! She fell silent on the other line, so I called her out.

"Hey, Esth? Lovey? Are you still there?"

She went silent again, and all I could hear was a heavy breath from her.

"I am here, I mean, I just swallowed that question carefully and need to think deeply."

"And?"

"Well, if I go with a woman again, it will always be the same person... I just can't do it with another Ambi...so I guess the straight way will do."

Now I'm the one who is hushed this time; I'm not sure what she means by that, but I'm impressed by what she said; it also makes me sad; I must have caused her great grief by loving a woman for the first time in her life...

While I was thinking, I heard Grandma call my name, and I didn't get to say goodbye to Esth before hanging up the phone.

I quickly walk towards her room, and I can see sweat all over her face. I suddenly got panicked and didn't know what to do. I dialled the nearest hospital, and thank god they responded right away. The emergency team arrives on time, and good thing they brought Grandma to the hospital right away.

I drove my way to the hospital as well. I didn't even expect this to happen.

As we arrived at the emergency room, she was examined by the staff and subjected to various tests; honestly, I am very concerned about what happened.

She is already 63 years old, and I cannot afford to see something bad happen to her; I recall that when Esth and I were still together, I was always concerned about Grandma’s health; she used to tell me what to do if she was in pain.

Damn...why did I forget about her? I dialled her number immediately, but she did not answer; perhaps she is already sleeping.

I'll probably simply get back to her tomorrow.

Grandma has completed various tests, and the final decision will be made by her assigned doctor, whom she will meet with tomorrow; nonetheless, they have informed me that she has a digestive problem.

I guess her age makes her body weak and susceptible; I promise Mom and Dad that I will look after her, so I cannot lose time not ensuring her well-being.

I thought I was going to lose her when she was confined for having a weak heart four years ago, but she is a fighter; she may have previously spent time inside the hospital and used to go to the rooftop for some peace, but she is strong at heart and a very brave woman.

I recall Esth telling me that she met her before I did; she was on the rooftop at the time, and Grandma tried to strike up a discussion with her. From that point forward, I knew they had a special connection.

So far, she is doing well now, though she will need to stay at the hospital for a moment again.

I want to stay with her until I receive a message from Sam, as I have a duty at the hotel tomorrow, and first impressions are always crucial.

"Hey, pretty woman"

"You always say that."

"Because you are"

"And you are too."

"I am your descendant, of course."

I said, and she simply laughed at me, which made me relieved that she could still be joyful and jolly.

"You want to say something?"

She inquired, and I was briefly silenced; how could I tell my frail grandma here in the hospital that I would be unable to attend to her tomorrow, sigh.

"The hotel messaged me and they may need me tomorrow..."

"I am okay, honey, you can go to your work, I will be fine."

Although it is difficult to say, I have no choice but to go to work.

"Once my duty is done, I will go here tomorrow right before your eyes open, okay?"

"I will be okay, be great tomorrow for me, okay?"

She murmured, clutching my hand, hoping to make me feel better. As much as I wanted to stay here tomorrow, I needed to go to work, so I considered asking Casey for aid.

I dialled her number, hoping she was still awake, but she was not answering. I merely let her know that I need her here for a bit.

I considered asking Esth, but I know how busy she is, and part of me is saying that I have nothing to do with her anymore; we are friends, but our closeness has already caused a schism in some areas.

I understand now… that being friends with her has a limit for whatever reason…