KABANATA 69

I would have liked this tickle in my heart, if only it wasn’t caused by him. I would have loved the freezing breeze of the morning at wee hours, if only he wasn’t the one with me. I would have loved the hue of the yellow luminescence from the street lights permeating through the windshield, if only it wasn’t his hands manipulating the steering wheel.

But because of that mistake, of that one avoidable mistake, I started hating all of this. I began hating myself and him… Topher.

Nakarating kami ng condo nang walang umiimik. I have only heard him breathe heavily and let out a sigh from time to time. Maybe he, too, was reflecting on what happened between us, on how wrong it was.

Neither of us could change what has happened. But we could hide it. That’s what I have been thinking the whole time. If we would just pretend like it never happened, if we would just act like nothing happened, and forget about it.

“Nothing happened,” mahinahon kong saad nang buksan na nito ang pinto sa gilid niya.