6

The Mate I Can't Admit I Want

Alpha Rowan's POV

My wolf warned me to turn back.

I should've listened.

Because the first person I saw was the last person I wanted to see.

Talia.

I warned you. My wolf whispered in my head and I knew I had no right to regret it.

"Alpha Rowan." She called out just as I was about to pretend to ignore her and walk the opposite direction.

I only wanted one thing. News of her.

"What is it?" I asked, turning with an uninterested look in my eyes.

I watched her swallow visibly as she wondered if to speak or not, and I was sure my eyes weren't helping matters in any way.

"Prin...Princess."

"What? Who is that?" I knew who she meant.

Lilith.

But I couldn't look eager, not when every part of me already burned to know.

"Lilith. Miss Lilith."

Inside, my wolf clawed for her and paid extra attention to what she had to say but I turned my face into stone.

"Hey! Behave." I muttered to my wolf.

I had a wife and couldn't want her, but still I took a deep breath and listened.

"What about her?"

Talia seemed distraught. Like she suddenly felt what she had to say was of no importance.

"Can you speak already? I'm headed somewhere!" I was impatient.

I burned for any scrap of news since that innocent kiss with my mate.

And the event that followed. It melted my hard heart.

After Lilith left, I suddenly felt a sharp pain of rejection in my chest. Strong enough to steal my breath.

I had felt it before with my first mate but this one was different. It was more painful like someone was tearing my guts and before I even realized it blood began oozing out of my nose, Rachel's scream of terror confirmed that 

I was conscious of everything that was happening around me but I couldn't control my body. I wondered if this was how death felt as I tried to remember what I had taken to warrant such a reaction or if Lilith had rejected me, was that even possible?

I held myself in my seat, refusing to fall asleep that would show weakness. Cole knew just that and sent every guard out, leaving only Rachel and himself not until the Royal Physician arrived.

One of them must've mind linked the Royal Physician as he appeared within minutes like he had been summoned. What surprised myself and everyone else was the one who arrived after him.

Lilith.

She looked like a grieving mother, whose child had been ripped from her arms by death. Fear was written all over her as she burst in crying and muttering something to the Moon Goddess.

The doors closed after her as she ran towards my bleeding body, it was only when she came closer that I could make out the words she was muttering.

"Moon Goddess, please. Not this one, please. Don't take this one from me."

i remember her hands trembling on my bloody chest, begging the Moon Goddess not to take me. The fear in her eyes burned deeper than any wound. Even the Royal Physician was stunned for a minute before he turned to the other side to check my pulse and whatever he had to do.

The hall fell into a deathly silence. Rachel's lips parted in mixed emotions. Cole's eyes gleamed with something between fear and shock, but all I saw was Lilith, breaking as if my death would shatter her world.

And then it dawned on me.

She had lost seven mates and I was the eighth. What had made me think I was different, that I would survive after being intimate with her.

Cole seemed to understand that too but Rachel, she seemed confused and i prayed she would stay that way.

I sat frozen, watching her pretty face streaked with tears that dropped on me and the only thing my pathetic mind could think about was a chance to kiss those innocent lips again while I regretted not suckling it enough to warrant death.

Maybe. Just maybe, if I had done enough, I would've died more peacefully.

"Alpha Rowan." Talia's voice brought me back to reality and I blinked twice. She must've said something and I wasn't listening.

"Go on." I urged and she hesitated for a minute while finding her fingers.

"I said that Lady Lilith hasn't left her room for two days now." She finally blurted and I swallowed.

That explained why I had not bumped into her or seen her anywhere around since that incident.

"Is she eating?" I asked nonchalantly and she scratched her head in thought before responding.

"Yes, she does but she's not her usual self." She explained.

"How would you know her usual self, Talia. You only just met her. What am I even meant to do with this information? Check up on her?" I asked as I ran a hand through my head tiredly.

Talia hesitated. I had spoken her thoughts aloud, and she knew it. I scoffed in disbelief. What could make her think I would want to check up on her.

"Why would you think... Why?" I was surprised and about walking out to prevent my staff seeing me in a speechless mode.

There was no way I would do that. It would send the wrong information to Rachel and I didn't want any suspicion, it would only make this pack more difficult for Lilith.

Just as she was about to respond, the familiar perfume of my wife hit me.

"Hey babe. She stepped out from the room with her maids and guards lining up after her and I opened my arms for her to step in, receiving a peck on my lips.

She was over dressed for the palace which means she was headed somewhere.

"Where to?" I asked, giving her another peck.

"The market, babe. There are things I need to buy for the female wolf's gathering in two days." She whispered and I nodded.

"That's nice. But you could've just sent the maids, you know." I suggested calmly.

"It's the she-wolves gathering, babe. I can't risk it. You know how they are, I can't let them add this to my present dilemma." She mumbled and made to untangle herself from me but I pulled her back to me, kissing her softly.

"Hey, listen. You know all you have to do is ask and that meeting is canceled for life in this pack, you know that right?"

"I know, but no. Not in my time. I love it. I want it."

"Okay. If you say so."

"I'll see you when I'm back." She said and kissed me again before turning to Talia.

"Is everything okay with Lilith. I haven't been able to check up on her these few days."

"She's fine, Luna. Just been indoors." Talia muttered.

"Then you should check up on her, babe. Don't you think?"

"Me?" I turned in genuine surprise and she nodded.

"Yes. You don't look like you are hurrying off to work today, and you know she's very important to us. Go on, I'll see you when I'm back. Bye love."

And with that she had given me another kiss and walked off in all grace and royalty like the queen she was.

I turned my flare to Talia and she just gave a hidden smile and bowed.

"I'm sorry, Alpha. I just..."

"Lead the way." 

And she nodded and turned in that direction.

Two steps in that direction and another voice stopped me.

"Alpha Rowan, you aren't really thinking of going there, are you?"

Cole's voice froze me in my tracks.