CHAPTER 4: Gone Before He Wakes

ARIA POV

For about four seconds, everything slipped away from me.

I felt the warmth of the sheets, the comforting weight of someone else’s arm wrapped across my waist, and the soft gray light filtering through the curtains. I was still, my body buzzing with a feeling I couldn’t quite describe. Then it all came rushing back to me quickly like a sudden wave of flood; the wedding that was six days to go, was now just three. My eyes opened, all the sleep disappeared, and I lay there in the dark, suddenly trying to remember how to breathe normally. The warmth around me was still there, but it no longer felt the same way. Three days. In three goddamn days, I would be standing beside a man I had never met, carrying out a decision someone else had made for me.

Carefully, I slid out from under his arm, moving only an inch at a time. He didn’t wake up, and as I stood at the foot of the bed putting my dress back on, I found myself watching him. His jaw was so relaxed in sleep in a way I hadn’t seen all night, with one of his hands still resting where mine had been. I knew I shouldn’t be taking it all in, especially when I needed to leave, but I couldn’t help myself.

A few hours ago, he had been a stranger sitting two stools away from me. But right now, standing here in the quiet of this room, I felt my chest tighten slightly at the thought of walking away without even knowing what his name was.

Suddenly, his phone lit up on the nightstand, casting a blue glow through the darkness. My heart lurched as I froze in place, with one of my shoes in my hand, feeling its pounding echo in my teeth. My entire body went still while I waited for him to move, to open his eyes, and to ask what I was doing. But he remained quietly asleep, didn’t even move an inch, and after what felt like far too long, the screen faded back to darkness. I exhaled slowly, almost painfully, my fingers tightening around my shoe.

I found my other shoe by the door, grabbed my handbag from the chair, and looked back one last time at the outline of him sleeping so peacefully in the bed. It struck me, almost stupidly, that I didn’t even know his name. He hadn’t asked for mine either, and a part of me liked that, that part of me still did. There was something almost comforting about leaving this night untouched by names and explanations. I could walk away, and neither of us had to become anything more than what we had been for just a mere few hours. I quietly slipped out.

The hallway felt cold and too bright after spending an awful amount of time in the cozy darkness of the room. The fluorescent lights were harsh against my skin, and I didn’t manage to breathe normally again until I was alone in the elevator, staring at my own reflection in the brushed steel doors. My hair was a total mess, my dress wrinkled so badly it made me cringe. I looked like a woman who’d stepped out of her life and into something entirely different, someone I barely recognized when I looked at her. And I had. I really had.

As I walked the three blocks back to my place like I did last night, cutting through the quiet streets before the city stirred to life, I reached into my coat pocket for my phone, only for me to discover that there was nothing there.

My heart sank.

“No,” I muttered out loud, patting down my pockets again, hoping it would somehow reappear if I checked hard enough. But it didn’t. I checked my other pocket as well. Then my bag. But still I found nothing. A cold rush of air moved through me as I replayed last night in my mind, racing through everything I had done from the moment I entered that room, and then it came back to me so suddenly that I stopped on my tracks and smacked my mouth.

The nightstand. I had set it down while taking off my shoes and completely forgotten to pick it back up. I felt my stomach drop. My phone was literally three blocks away, and sitting right next to his phone in his room.

For ten full seconds, I stood there with my hand still pressed against my mouth, trying to measure how bad this really was. My phone had my name on the lock screen. Like my actual name. It was filled with photos, messages, and texts from Silas that were cold and controlling, messages that any curious person could begin putting together if they looked long enough. He could know exactly who I was before I ever had the chance to decide whether I wanted him to. The thought of what this could mean sent another wave of panic rushing through me, sharp enough to make my breathing turn shallow.

I could go back. Seriously I could actually go back I guess. No wait, I don’t think I can. Going back meant facing whatever awkwardness waited in that room. It meant seeing him in daylight. It meant standing there and explaining why I had left without saying anything if he was awake already, why I had disappeared before morning, and why I had come back for the phone I had stupidly left behind. I couldn’t bear the thought of turning a perfect, secret evening into something awkward and exposed.

But my phone was still there. My name was freaking still there. Evidence of me was sitting beside a man who knew nothing about who I was, and the longer I stood on this sidewalk, the more dangerous that fear began to feel.

So, I kept walking, my pace quickening up.

Three days from now, I would marry a stranger, and the thought of that alone made my chest feel heavy and strange. At least this one I had chosen. At least for one night, no one had made the decision for me.

I told myself it didn’t change anything. My phone was replaceable. Whoever found it would probably just leave it at lost and found and maybe throw it into a bin. That was the sensible thing to do, wasn’t it? Most people didn’t go through someone else’s phone. Most people didn’t see a forgotten device and immediately became curious about the person who had left it behind. I repeated those thoughts to myself until I almost believed them, and until the fear had dissipated into something else.

And somehow, I nearly convinced myself by the time I reached our street.

When I climbed back through the secret window that was close to my own room, which I always used whenever I wasn’t able to go back through my own window, everything was still dark and quiet just like I had hoped for. I was careful and silent, retracing my steps, and for a glorious, foolish moment, I hoped and thought that I’d pulled it off. No one had seen me leave. No one had been waiting when I came back. I was undetected, and the entire night was still tucked away somewhere no one would ever be able to find it.

Relief rushed through me so quickly that I almost laughed. I had done it. I smoothed my hair and adjusted my dress properly as I headed out toward the hallway outside the room door, already thinking about getting back into bed and pretending the entire night had never happened.

That’s when I saw Silas. I stopped so abruptly that my breath caught in my throat and I felt the world tilt behind my eyes.

He was standing there, with his arms crossed, and still wearing the clothes from yesterday as if he hadn’t slept at all. For one terrible second, neither of us moved. He looked at me, his eyes slowly taking me in, the mess of my hair, my wrinkled dress, and the fact that I was clearly not dressed for bed.

The silence stretched so long between us, and every bit of relief I had felt disappeared.

I tried to think of something to say, but my mind had gone completely blank. My throat tightened, and suddenly, I could feel everything I had been trying not to think about pressing against me all at once. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise as sweat dropped down my spine.

“Where,” he said very slowly, his voice turning so chillingly cold and never like something I’ve ever heard, “have you been?”