Mag-log in“I…,” he paused for a second, “it’s nothing kiddo. Focus on this year and what you want. Keep those grades up and keep working towards being a Varsity letter sophomore,” he said more seriously.
I nodded. We pulled into the Huffington parking lot in the junior section. When I got out of the car, a boy walked over to us and asked Baylen, “Who is this hottie you are rolling with Baylen?” Bay punched him in the arm, playfully, but hard enough to know he was serious when he said, “This is my baby sister you douche.” The boy backed away with his hands in the air as if to say he surrendered. “Got it dude. I remember what you told us all this summer at training camp. I’ll see you after school for practice right?” Baylen nodded and made a gesture towards him as if he were throwing him a pass. The boy ran deep as if to catch it. “Aren’t you a left tackle dweeb?” I teased poking him in the chest with my pointer finger. “Brees, you are such a brat,” he said, stopping himself again before messing up my hair. I think he is realizing I’m not this little tomboy that they all want me to be anymore. I’m maturing and becoming a woman. I couldn’t stop wondering what that boy meant by, “I remember what you told us this summer…” Did my brother say something about me to the football team? Did he warn them to stay away from me? Keegan would have heard this as well. But then again Keegan has had a lifetime to make his move and still hasn’t, so that definitely isn’t the reason we aren’t hand-in-hand this school year. I had to get that thought out of my head. My morning classes flew by and it was time for lunch. Casey wasn’t on the same lunch period as I was, so I grabbed my salad from my backpack and went on a mission to find Jeff. I know the people that he sits with are not my cup of tea, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. I spotted him across the cafeteria near the back doors and headed his way. He was captivating the crowd with some story he was telling about this summer. Look at him. He is so cool and collected. His vibes just drew people towards him. He greeted me with a warm smile and took me by the hand. “Guys I want you all to meet my homecoming date and new friend, Brees,” he said half spilling his drink on the floor. They all looked up and some waved. A few said bleak hellos and went back to what they were doing, but one girl stood and reached out her hand. “Glad you are joining us, Brees. It’s nice to meet you,” she said, shaking my hand softly as she looked me up and down as if to see if I fit in. These kids were rich. They had all the money, even if I didn’t know where it came from. I knew it was there. I felt uneasy, but tried not to show it. I listened to them talk back and forth and ate my salad in small bites with my fingers. Dipping the finger-fulls in dressing. I had forgotten my fork, but didn’t want to mention it and be “seen”. Jeff kept me in the conversation and even put his arm around me at one point. It felt nice to feel wanted. Is this what it would be like to be a girlfriend? Jeff’s brother came over to say hello with a few of the other guys from the football team. “Jeff, is this little Baylen? Nice to meet you,” one of them said. “I thought she was Keegan’s girl? Or is that someone else,” another chimed in. “No, that's the girl from that fancy school across the river,” another corrected him. “Guys, she is right here. Can we not talk about her like she isn’t?” Jeff scolded. They all apologized and kept moving through the cafeteria to make their rounds. Occasionally snatching fries from their unsuspecting victims. Keegan’s girl…it just sounded so good when he said it. I have said it in my head a million times, but to hear someone else say it was so fascinating. However, it looks like I may be Jeff’s girl if all goes right. He smells really good, dresses so well and he stood up for me today. That has to count for something. His light brown hair and bright green eyes made him look so dreamy in this light. I think I could get used to this. Jeff Chandler’s girl… Yeah that sounds so much better.Baylen asked me to go shopping with him and Keegan. They needed a girl’s opinion about Christmas gifts for the women in their lives and apparently I’m the only platonic girl either of them knows.I didn’t want to help Keegan choose a gift for Jada. Coal. He can get her coal. That’s mean. I needed to recalibrate. He is Baylen’s best friend, not…Mine.Thinking about that made my stomach queasy. He would never be mine. Jada was so lucky that she got to call him her own. What I wouldn’t do to be able to say those sweet words. Keegan is my boyfriend. It gave me chills just thinking about it. “You ready squirt?” Baylen said, rubbing my back softly to get my attention.I definitely was in my Keegan stupor. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”As I grabbed my bag, Keegan walked into the front door. His blonde curls tumbling forward from his hood that he had pulled up on his head. Tan.Muscles.White teeth.Gorgeous.These were all of the things that flew through my brain in mere seconds. “Hey. Squ
The lake had been Casey’s idea.Which, honestly, should have been my first warning.Whenever Casey said, “I have an idea,” it usually meant there was about a fifty-percent chance it would be fun and a fifty-percent chance someone would end up yelling.By ten in the morning, half our friend group had taken over the shoreline.Music was blasting from a speaker sitting on top of a cooler. Someone had brought a volleyball net. Towels were scattered everywhere, bags of chips were being passed around, and Baylen and Keegan were arguing over who had forgotten the sunscreen.I stood at the edge of the water with my sunglasses pushed onto my head, watching them wrestle over a football.“You two are literally children!” I yelled.Keegan looked over his shoulder.The second he saw me, his entire face changed.There it was.That smile.The one that still made my stomach flip even though I was finally allowed to admit that I liked him.“There she is,” he called.I tried not to smile.I failed.Kee
“Babe, I know I hurt you and I’m going to try to do everything that I can to make it up to you. I was an idiot. My friendship should not have given way to shutting you out and it did. I should have pressed the issue with Baylen and made him aware that my feelings were more than a crush. They are more than a mere infatuation or school boy fantasy. They are real! And I love you more than I could ever express in words. I will show you over and over though for the rest of our lives,” Keegan pleaded. His one loose curl fell into his eyes as he begged for my acceptance. Did he just say for the rest of our lives? Keegan had no intention of letting me go and that’s all I wanted to hear. “Kee, can we go to your room and spend some time, not talking?” I asked, giving him a wink. I grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to his bedroom. His light was dimmed and the room was dark from his blackout curtains. I sat on the side of his bed. “Brees, this isn’t what I meant by showing you my love.
The next few weeks, after I left for camp, were filled with softball and FaceTime calls to Keegan. When I went back to my dorm for the night, I would shower the dirt from the ball field off of my body and climb into my giant LSU shirt and sweatpants and cuddle up in my bed. Keegan usually called me around 8:30 pm after football practice. He was always so eager to chat and shower me with kind words. “I miss you so much. I imagine you here every day in my arms,” he would say.We hadn’t seen each other in person since I left for camp and that kiss we had was our last. We also hadn’t talked about the level of our feelings. I knew I loved him, but I wasn’t sure if he was there yet. Being able to see his face and hear his voice every night made this distance so much more bearable. When I return home we will spend every moment together that we can. We were smitten with one another. Again, we just hadn’t said it. Those three words, eight letters. I keep trying to say it when we get off of t
“I asked him not to tell and he was also embarrassed about taking money from my mom. But it has helped his family a lot and he isn’t working as much,” she noted.Again, something I didn’t know. Jada was more his girlfriend, pretending, than I ever was.“Jada, I appreciate you for coming by, but I do really need to get going,” I said, giving her a side hug. “It was kind of you to do this for me and for Keegan,” I finished, heaving a giant duffel bag into the hallway.“No problem. I hope you have the best time at your training camp. Get lots of goals and stuff. Or whatever they do in softball,” she joked.As she said goodbye I thought about what she had said. I wished Keegan had trusted me enough to know I would understand. We obviously didn’t have the relationship that he and Jada had. I went outside to place my remaining bags on the curb. Everyone was already there to see me off: My dad, Alison, Casey, Cyman, Quinn, Ms. Kyren and the twins. I didn't see Keegan. I gave out hugs and ki
The day finally came for me to say goodbye to my family and friends for three weeks. I was really going to miss their faces every day. I had five suitcases packed, a duffel bag, my backpack and my softball bat bag. The bus would be here to grab me in an hour. Baylen said they were not going to let me take all of these bags, but mom said she would drop off whatever I couldn’t bring on the bus. They rented us a charter bus. I packed my headphones and planned to watch a movie on the way. It was less than a two hour drive but we had four more girls to grab from the airport. Baylen was helping me carry my bags when he stopped in my doorway. He turned and his face grew somber. “Brees, I have to tell you something. I’m not supposed to say a word, but I saw how heartbroken you were the other night and I can’t keep watching my baby sis be sad,” he said. I was unsure of how my demeanor should be at the moment. I felt a wave of sickness come over me. I knew what he was going to say and it w







