I’m So Sorry

Three weeks had passed since my Baylen-Keegan fight. Keegan hadn’t returned my calls, texts or walked in my direction even at school. He doesn’t visit our house any more and it makes me feel like Baylen was right. Because of me, Keegan and Baylen weren’t as close any more. Baylen said that wasn’t true, but it has been that way since Keegan found out I was keeping a secret from him. Baylen said that he went home and asked his dad right in front of Mrs. Kyren about this secret I was keeping. Baylen said that he didn’t say it, but that Jared moved out and Keegan has been picking up shifts at the alligator farm to help with bills and stuff. He claims that this was the reason Kee was staying away from our house. But he was ignoring me, so that couldn’t be true. I could not believe Jared moved out, but good for Mrs. Kyren for not putting up with his crap.

Baylen said that he told Keegan that he asked me to keep the secret until I had proof. I wish he knew how much I cared and how I would never hurt him. But alas, he doesn’t care what I think. I put a lot more effort into my relationship with Jeff the last three weeks. I didn’t mention the kiss between Keegan and I because it didn’t mean anything now anyways. He was sad that day and needed someone. I just happened to be there instead of Jada. Bay told me to give him some time to process his parents' separation. I knew all too well what that felt like and it’s literally hell. His emotions must be all over the place. I only wished that I could be there for him. I text with Jada here and there so she can support him. She said she understands why I didn’t say anything. I appreciated her sympathy, but this has pushed her and Keegan closer together. She said they had a movie night last Friday. I can only imagine those two in the dark together “watching” a movie. The thought made me want to curl up in a ball and cry. I assume he never told her that we kissed either. She would probably want to tear my hair out and I wouldn’t blame her. It was not a nice thing for me to do to another girl and I was genuinely sorry that it had happened. I don’t know why I didn’t consider Jeff and Jada’s feelings. My love for Keegan made me reckless.

As I neared our front room I could hear voices. It sounded like someone was crying. I turned the corner to see Mrs. Kyren sitting with my mom in the living room. She was bawling her eyes out. I had never seen Mrs. Kyren in our house before and I wasn’t sure what she was doing here now. Perhaps her separation from Jared is helping her to rekindle her friendship with my mom.

“Oh Brees, say hello to Kyren,” my mom said as she gently rubbed her back.

I walked right over to her and hugged her. I sat on the arm of the grey couch so I could play with her hair as she tried to stop her sniffles.

“Thank you my sweet Brees. Always taking care of me,” Mrs. Kyren said, squeezing my knee.

I nodded and continued to comb my fingers through her hair and rub her scalp. She needs pampering and love right now. After a few minutes, I excused myself so that I could drive over to Casey’s house for some girl time. I needed to let out my frustration about Keegan. I got out to the jeep and realized I had left my keys inside on the couch while comforting Mrs. Kyren. I walked back inside and saw my mom and Mrs. Kyren very close to one another. My mom was holding Mrs. Kyren’s face cupped in her hands, the way Jeff does mine when he is about to kiss me. She wiped her tears away with her thumbs as they ran down Mrs. Kyren’s face. It was a sweet moment between old friends. I stood and admired their friendship for a moment. It was nice to see them together like this. My mom leaned closer and Kyren did as well. My mom was stroking her cheek gently. I cleared my throat to let them know I was in the room. My mom looked up at me and smiled.

“Hey Breesy girl, did you forget something?” my mom asked.

“Uh, yeah, my keys. Sorry to interrupt,” I said looking for my keys. I found them quickly and headed for the door.

“Oh, no interruption my girl. Kyren and I have so much to catch up on after being apart for over 20 years. It’s nice to have my friend back,” she said, smiling at Kyren.

The look in my mom’s eyes was one of hope and I loved that for her. I love that she had her best friend back and that they could rekindle that friendship after so long. Clearly neither of them wanted Jared so that shouldn’t stand in their way any more.

I kept thinking about what I had seen, as I drove to Casey’s house. My mom and Kyren came back together as friends after almost 20 years, so what could that mean for Keegan and I? I had stopped trying to reach out after the second week of him ignoring me. It was much too hard. I would keep in touch with Jada and hope that one day Keegan and I could be friends again. As for now, Keegan Patts and I are nothing.