FAZER LOGINIt was January 20, so that means our Irish Twin celebration was in full effect. I had the most comfy outfit to wear tonight. Jeff said he would stop by the arcade if he could. He was playing golf with Jersey Peterson today. Jersey’s parents owned one of the largest digital marketing agencies in Louisiana and they were filthy rich. Jeff always tried to hang out with him when he was in town from boarding school. I understood and I was mature enough to know he couldn’t spend all of his time with me. I did miss him though. Our make out sessions have been far and in between and I just wanted him to hold me. It was nice being able to put all of my affection in one place. My heart wasn’t tortured any longer and I was starting to feel a lot better. Keegan was coming to our Irish Twin outing today and so was Casey. I would do my best to avoid Keegan, but try to not make it awkward. I wished Jeff didn’t have to go golfing with Jersey, so he could be my distraction.
I pulled on my Derek Jeter jersey that was two sizes too big. I tucked one side into my jeans and grabbed my white Air Force Ones. I threw my hair up into a bun and put a little blush, mascara and lip gloss on. I hadn’t dressed like “myself,” all year and I was starting to miss that girl. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were super green today. That usually means it will be a good day. The blush really brought out my freckles and my curls were beautiful all tied up in a bun. I sprayed myself with vanilla body spray and did one last spin before heading out to the living room. When I got into the family room, I could see his hair. It was Keegan! Why was he here? I thought his mom was bringing him to the arcade. I wasn’t expecting him to be here. I got super hot and my stomach dropped. I felt like I was on the highest roller coaster in free fall. I avoided making eye contact with him as I sat down to put my shoes on. I was feeling super woozy. “Are you okay, Brees?” Keegan asked. “I’m fine,” I said sternly. I avoided all eye contact. You know what Keegan, fuck you! You haven’t called me or texted me since my birthday and now you want to chit chat whilst I am in the midst of passing out? No way. Not going to happen. I have played that game before. He doesn’t get to talk to me whenever he feels like it after ignoring me for weeks. I regained my composure and I sat staring out the window to avoid any sort of communication with him. “I love this look on you,” he said gesturing to my outfit, “it’s the Brees I am used to. The Brees that I fe—…” he paused. He didn’t finish his sentence. I looked at him through squinted eyes. What was he going to say? Not that it mattered anyways. I stuck to my guns and I ignored him. I felt him staring at me as we sat and waited. I played on my phone for a bit and Casey texted and said she was about three minutes away. Where is Baylen? Why did he leave him in here with me? I got up to go outside and wait for Casey. This was too difficult to do. I saw a car coming up my street, but it didn’t look like Mrs. Sato’s car. Wait. The car was slowing down. I could only see a baseball cap and sunglasses as they pulled into our driveway. Suddenly the door burst open and Baylen ran out to greet the guest. As he picked her up off of her feet I could see that it was actually Quinn, Alison’s daughter. I didn’t expect her, nor did I realize she and Bay were still talking. As he put her down she kissed him. Oh my goodness. Were they dating? This is truly such an adorable moment for these two and it made me momentarily forget about my current situation with Keegan.Baylen asked me to go shopping with him and Keegan. They needed a girl’s opinion about Christmas gifts for the women in their lives and apparently I’m the only platonic girl either of them knows.I didn’t want to help Keegan choose a gift for Jada. Coal. He can get her coal. That’s mean. I needed to recalibrate. He is Baylen’s best friend, not…Mine.Thinking about that made my stomach queasy. He would never be mine. Jada was so lucky that she got to call him her own. What I wouldn’t do to be able to say those sweet words. Keegan is my boyfriend. It gave me chills just thinking about it. “You ready squirt?” Baylen said, rubbing my back softly to get my attention.I definitely was in my Keegan stupor. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”As I grabbed my bag, Keegan walked into the front door. His blonde curls tumbling forward from his hood that he had pulled up on his head. Tan.Muscles.White teeth.Gorgeous.These were all of the things that flew through my brain in mere seconds. “Hey. Squ
The lake had been Casey’s idea.Which, honestly, should have been my first warning.Whenever Casey said, “I have an idea,” it usually meant there was about a fifty-percent chance it would be fun and a fifty-percent chance someone would end up yelling.By ten in the morning, half our friend group had taken over the shoreline.Music was blasting from a speaker sitting on top of a cooler. Someone had brought a volleyball net. Towels were scattered everywhere, bags of chips were being passed around, and Baylen and Keegan were arguing over who had forgotten the sunscreen.I stood at the edge of the water with my sunglasses pushed onto my head, watching them wrestle over a football.“You two are literally children!” I yelled.Keegan looked over his shoulder.The second he saw me, his entire face changed.There it was.That smile.The one that still made my stomach flip even though I was finally allowed to admit that I liked him.“There she is,” he called.I tried not to smile.I failed.Kee
“Babe, I know I hurt you and I’m going to try to do everything that I can to make it up to you. I was an idiot. My friendship should not have given way to shutting you out and it did. I should have pressed the issue with Baylen and made him aware that my feelings were more than a crush. They are more than a mere infatuation or school boy fantasy. They are real! And I love you more than I could ever express in words. I will show you over and over though for the rest of our lives,” Keegan pleaded. His one loose curl fell into his eyes as he begged for my acceptance. Did he just say for the rest of our lives? Keegan had no intention of letting me go and that’s all I wanted to hear. “Kee, can we go to your room and spend some time, not talking?” I asked, giving him a wink. I grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to his bedroom. His light was dimmed and the room was dark from his blackout curtains. I sat on the side of his bed. “Brees, this isn’t what I meant by showing you my love.
The next few weeks, after I left for camp, were filled with softball and FaceTime calls to Keegan. When I went back to my dorm for the night, I would shower the dirt from the ball field off of my body and climb into my giant LSU shirt and sweatpants and cuddle up in my bed. Keegan usually called me around 8:30 pm after football practice. He was always so eager to chat and shower me with kind words. “I miss you so much. I imagine you here every day in my arms,” he would say.We hadn’t seen each other in person since I left for camp and that kiss we had was our last. We also hadn’t talked about the level of our feelings. I knew I loved him, but I wasn’t sure if he was there yet. Being able to see his face and hear his voice every night made this distance so much more bearable. When I return home we will spend every moment together that we can. We were smitten with one another. Again, we just hadn’t said it. Those three words, eight letters. I keep trying to say it when we get off of t
“I asked him not to tell and he was also embarrassed about taking money from my mom. But it has helped his family a lot and he isn’t working as much,” she noted.Again, something I didn’t know. Jada was more his girlfriend, pretending, than I ever was.“Jada, I appreciate you for coming by, but I do really need to get going,” I said, giving her a side hug. “It was kind of you to do this for me and for Keegan,” I finished, heaving a giant duffel bag into the hallway.“No problem. I hope you have the best time at your training camp. Get lots of goals and stuff. Or whatever they do in softball,” she joked.As she said goodbye I thought about what she had said. I wished Keegan had trusted me enough to know I would understand. We obviously didn’t have the relationship that he and Jada had. I went outside to place my remaining bags on the curb. Everyone was already there to see me off: My dad, Alison, Casey, Cyman, Quinn, Ms. Kyren and the twins. I didn't see Keegan. I gave out hugs and ki
The day finally came for me to say goodbye to my family and friends for three weeks. I was really going to miss their faces every day. I had five suitcases packed, a duffel bag, my backpack and my softball bat bag. The bus would be here to grab me in an hour. Baylen said they were not going to let me take all of these bags, but mom said she would drop off whatever I couldn’t bring on the bus. They rented us a charter bus. I packed my headphones and planned to watch a movie on the way. It was less than a two hour drive but we had four more girls to grab from the airport. Baylen was helping me carry my bags when he stopped in my doorway. He turned and his face grew somber. “Brees, I have to tell you something. I’m not supposed to say a word, but I saw how heartbroken you were the other night and I can’t keep watching my baby sis be sad,” he said. I was unsure of how my demeanor should be at the moment. I felt a wave of sickness come over me. I knew what he was going to say and it w







