Chapter 14

“I’m shocked you wanted to see me today after how last night ended,” she said, falling backwards onto her bed and tossing a bean bag in the air.

She had on a tank top and shorts. She looked so good in everything she wore. Her confidence was just sexy.

“I’m sorry about that Jag. I truly didn’t know what to do,” I said.

“It’s ok. I get it. I’m not someone you could see yourself having a relationship with and Keegan is. I’ve been down this road before. I should have been honest about my feelings from the beginning, but I didn’t think I had a chance with you. Kissing you was just my way of testing the waters to see if you were interested. But you clearly aren’t. We can stay friends, Brees. I’m not upset with you. He was your boyfriend, so I get it,” she said, stopping her toss and looking over at me.

“But that’s just it Jagger. I came here to tell you that I don’t want to just be friends. I have developed feelings for you over the last two months and they are real. I don’t want to lose you. I think I need you,” I said, sitting on the edge of her bed.

She sat up against the headboard. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. You need to get your feelings in check about Keegan first. I saw that last night. You love him and I can’t play second fiddle to that,” she said.

“Jagger. I want YOU. You haven’t broken my heart. You have been there for me and you have supported me through so much this summer,” I said, scooting closer to her.

Her eyes were so beautiful, but I could see her doubt. I could see that I had hurt her by not defending our kiss, by not professing how I felt about her when Keegan was there.

“Jag, I know it’s going to take a lot of time, but I’m willing to put in the work. If you will let me. I want to show you how much I care about you. Please Jagger, please,” I begged.

She held my hand and smiled. “That’s all I wanted, Brees. I just wanted you to want this too,” she said.

I moved closer to her and leaned in. I whispered to her softly, “If you want me to stop, say something now.”

I went in for a kiss and she turned her head. Did she not want to kiss me? She just said she wanted this. I pulled back and stared at her with concerned eyes.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I just don’t think I’m ready, Brees. I can’t give you my heart after you completely crushed mine last night. I just can’t. Maybe with time, but not right now,” she said, grabbing both of my hands.

I snatched my hands away. What was she talking about? She literally said she wanted me to want this.

“Jagger, I do want this. Do you not want me?” I asked, feeling my voice get shaky.

“Oh Brees, you have no idea how badly I want you. How much I want to kiss you right now. But last night this wasn’t what you wanted and I am feeling like an afterthought. If Keegan hadn’t left like he did, where would your heart be? Would you even be at my house right now? I can’t be a rebound for you. I have to be the only one, and right now that’s not me,” she said.

I stared at her emerald eyes. I pushed her hair behind her ear and I nodded. I understood what she meant. I hadn’t gotten over Keegan and I’m not sure when I would. It wasn’t fair to her and I needed to process my break up before jumping into something else.

“I will let you get back to whatever you were doing Jagger. I’m so sorry for all of this. My heart really is torn and I know you don’t understand it, but I care about you and Keegan. I’m so sorry,” I said, grabbing my bag and my keys.

As I headed for the door, I felt a tug on my shirt. I turned around and Jagger was standing there. She embraced me. She didn’t speak, she just hugged me. I hesitated at first but I hugged her back.

“With our softball camp being over, I just realized this is our last time seeing each other. Thank you for everything this summer. Despite the craziness, I’m happy that I met you Brees,” she said.

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t, without my heart completely breaking yet again. I gave her one last hug as tears rolled down my cheek.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” I said, inhaling her scent of cherry blossoms and vanilla.

Jagger pulled me towards her and kissed me. It was a soft, thoughtful kiss. One that seemed to hold hope, compassion and pain. I was thrown off by her lips touching mine, but it was so welcomed. As her tongue massaged mine, I grabbed her waist. We stayed in this lip lock for a brief moment. I knew once this kiss ended, this was it for us.

“Goodbye Brees,” she said, giving me one last peck.

And just like that my summer was ending without Keegan Patts and without Jagger Saunter.