*Abandoning ship isn’t my style. It wasn’t hers either, but our circumstances ripped us apart. Now it’s not just a literal ocean standing between us. Francine Chirilova has no direction. After coming out of the closet leaves her without a family at age 18, the quick witted 25 year old has been forced to survive on her connections and kind personality. Throw in a rapidly decreasing appetite and a tendency to gravitate toward abusive women for a epic shit show. While recovering from her latest 4 year long mistake, she makes a strong, yet unlikely connection with her virtual best friend. Que in recovering alcoholic Vasilisa Krovopuskova, aged 26 from Siberia, Russia. After surviving a grueling upbringing on her own, trust is a difficult concept to grasp. Already having experienced heartbreak once before, she wasn’t looking for anything serious when Francine crash landed into her life via an online sanctuary for lesbians. With an ocean separating the two, neither Francine nor Vasilisa know which direction to swim in. Will they stay on their side of the world, or drown trying to get to the other? *Disclaimer* - Strong mature content. 18+, please Book one. To follow is book two: “Our Blank Canvas.”
View MorePrologue
“...I’m not giving up on you.” I was almost yelling into the phone. Vasha’s radio silence sent chills down my spine.
“Please say something...” I pleaded softly. I heard her sigh in exasperation.
“You already have. Farewell.”
The line disconnected and I dropped to the floor, wallowing in my own grief. My heart pounded so hard I thought it’d jump out of my chest any second. Tasting my own salty tears, I made no effort to stop crying.
Command me to be well
Amen, Amen, Amen....
Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies;
I’ll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death;
Good God, let me give you my life...
- Hozier
********************
Chapter One:
It’d been a while since I looked at myself in the mirror. I mean, really studied my reflection. It was easy to judge. I’m a mouse of a woman; 5’0 with short, disheveled sandy brown hair. My eyes are brown, too. Shit brown my brother Timothy always called them. I used to stand out pretty well with my lip and eyebrow rings, but the trouble with working for a big corporation is they don’t always approve of the alternative aesthetic. At least my multiple ear piercings were safe.
Taking one last look at my plain black tee shirt, I walked out of the restroom of PetSmart. Work was always a bitch, but today really sucked ass. I was stuck covering for yet another drunk, pretty colleague who’d had one too many mimosas the night before. The tips were good today though, so thank goodness for small favors. Duffel bag in hand, I had just exited cooperate enslavement when the sun hit my eyes. Squinting, I fumbled into the back pocket of my jeans for my cell, which started buzzing.
“Lo?” I bounded toward the bus station.
“Hey! Could you empty the dishwasher when you get home? Max roped me into driving him to work tonight.” I heard a crack in the background. My roommate and long time best friend, Elizabeth or “Liza” as she prefers to be called, was chewing bubble gum.
“Yeah, sure.” I boarded the bus and stuck my new hot pink headphones in each ear. “I’ll be there in twenty. Might be a little longer depending on how many stops we make, you know how it is.”
“Yeah for sure. Thanks again, Ceen. Love ya girlie!”
Click.
I met Liza six years ago at the charter high school we both graduated at. She started calling me “Ceen” because she’s always boasting I’ve “seen” it all. I swear if it weren’t for her three children, she could have had a promising career as a comedian. I made it to the bench just as the bus pulled up.
It’s always nice to catch a break. I’m used to hanging around for about fifteen minutes before I can snag a ride in this area. Without missing a beat, I hopped in and took a seat towards the back. As usual, I observed my surroundings. There were hardly any other passengers aside from the few homeless people passed out a couple rows in front of me, and a mother with her unruly son climbing the seats. Every so often she impatiently grabbed the waist band of his pants and yanked him back down, but the cycle continued.
“Just get off the damn bus.” I mumbled to myself, throwing my head against the headrest and closing my eyes. I got my wish as mother and child exited at the very next stop. I don’t like kids. No patience for them. Don’t get me wrong, I’d never want to see one hurt or anything like that...but the less I have to be around them, the better. I guess it’s a good thing Liza’s children only come by every other weekend. Admittingly though, I’ve got a soft spot for them.
I was right about the time frame. Roughly twenty minutes later, I exited a mere block away from the apartment I’m staying at with Liza and walked the rest of the way. As I turned my key in the door, I already knew nobody would be home. I heard Liza bickering with Max about some errands they had to run this afternoon.
Yes! Peace annnnd quiet.
I’m not lying when I say those two are in a constant fucking argument. If they can find something to fight about, they’re all over it. It’s usually for that reason I’m holed up in my bedroom asleep, or making plans to do something, anything, aside from sit here and play mediator. I’ve got to hand it to them though, they’ve got a pretty sweet place. Their apartment was renovated recently, and my favorite part of the whole setup is their kitchen. They’ve got stainless steel appliances and a double-door French refrigerator. Speaking of, it’s my turn to whip something up for all of us tonight. Glancing at my watch, I grinned and started making a beeline for the rest room to wash my hands.
Several hours later, I’ve cooked dinner for myself, Liza, and her shithead of a Fiancé, Maxwell or “Max” for short. He’s been emotionally abusing her for years, and I wish she’d just leave. “It’s not that simple, Francine.” She’d snap, and after awhile I eventually stopped trying.
Can’t help the unwilling.
I keep hoping she’ll wake up someday. While I’m living here, trying to get back on my feet, I remain cordial.
“Soups on!” I yelled into the living room.We’re not actually having soup, but it’s a term I heard on television when I was eight years old and I’ve liked saying it ever since. Yeah, I’m that Dork.
“Thank GAWD! I’m starrrving!” Liza rushed over in her ripped skinny jeans and bare feet. I looked at her for a second. Those bright blue eyes and wild curly Q red hair. I’d go crazy without her, I’m sure of it.
“Oop! By the way,” she pointed her fork at me as I leaned against the cupboard and dug into my own meal, “Max has to pull a double tonight. Wanna catch a flick? I’m dying to do something other than work for a change.”
“Can’t. Gotta talk to Katie.” My eyes are focused on my salad to avoid confrontation. Not that it was doing me any favors, because I could feel Liza’s glare boring a hole into my forehead.
Damn.
“Please tell me you’re done with her, dude!? She’s toxic! Have you forgotten she’s the whole reason you’re living with us?”
I scoffed internally. If only she knew.
“Yeah, but she deserves to hear it in person.” The truth is, I’d been having passionate sex with my EX girlfriend for months after the huge fight between us caused me to pack up my shit and move in with Liza. Katie is a piece of work, but she knows my body. It comes when she calls. Of course that’s about to change, but Liza doesn’t know any of this. I have to be careful what I say.
“You’re too nice, Ceen. But I won’t stop you.” Within seconds she walked back over to the couch to join Max, who’s ungratefully shoveling food into his mouth and complaining about one of many things Liza “forgot” to do around the house. Never mind that she works a full time job and tends to his every whim on command.
I squinted at them.
Talk about your double standards.
********************
It’s after 9 P.M by the time I’d made it to Katie’s. I always get nervous, knocking on this door. Four months ago I’d flown out of here after her sister chased me with a knife.
Good times.
I always imagine beating the shit out of the bitch, but I’m slight in build, and she’s at least 5’6 and 350 pounds. It wouldn’t go well, so I stay away when she’s around. Just as I’m talking myself into leaving, the door flies open. My EX smiled seductively as she stepped out onto the front porch so she could get real close to me.
“Hey, Princess.” Katie purred lazily, lacing her arm around my waist. I resisted the urge to cringe and settled for screaming internally instead. I can’t stand her, I really can’t...but I can’t say no to the sex. At least, not until tonight. I planned on going after it and holding my ground. Mid thought, she started kissing my neck, the spot right behind my ear and I quivered with delight.
Hopefully.
“I’ve missed you.” She whispered into my cartilage piercing, muttering sexy Spanish phrases along the nape of my neck as I sighed in sexual frustration.
Oh, Katarina....I can’t...
“C-can we talk first?” I gasped for air and managed to wriggle out of her embrace. Just barely.
“What’s with you?” Her green eyes narrowed into slits, but she backed off to stalk back inside and plop down on the baby blue sofa in her living room. I took a quick glance around. The place looks so different since I moved out. Spanish decor for starters. I see the PlayStation 3 she fought like hell to keep is on the coffee table, exactly where I didn’t want it to be since we lived in a shitty neighborhood. I don’t know why I didn’t notice before...but damn, we really are different people, with no business being in a relationship.
“Look...” I began, not really sure how to start. She stared at me intently, and I at her. I must’ve tried to break this fling off a hundred times before, but I just had to be successful tonight. She sat like a football player in her classic masculine stance. Head buzzed short, black wife beater (pun intended, she’s not a great person) blood red basketball shorts.
“Baby, let’s go to bed...I’ve been dying to touch you all day. You know you’ve been wanting this too, so what are we waiting for?” She rose to her 5’5 height and loomed over me possessively. Weighing around 300 pounds, I’d never been with a bigger partner before, but it didn’t bother me when we met. Unfortunately, it doesn’t bother me now. Nothing does when she’s seducing me this way. Before I could choke out an objection, she pressed her mouth on my neck, biting it hungrily and groping my chest. Giggling, I stumbled backwards into her bedroom and kicked the door behind us.
That went well. God damn it, Francine.
********************
I left before Katie woke up. Careful not to stir her, I peeled her plump hand off my shoulder and slid out of her bed. Stuffing my charger and phone into my shoulder bag, I slithered out the front door in shame and quietly closed it behind me. I never learn apparently. Walking past my old neighborhood always gave me a sense of regret. Why do I keep giving into her? What does she do for me?
Nothing...except fuck my brains out and guilt trip me over leaving.
Just as I was giving myself the good ole customary kick in the ass, I felt my cell phone vibrate against my bag. Frowning, I fished it out as soon as I safely crossed the street. My heart stood still as soon as I saw who the notification was from.
SMS: Detka ))) (Russian for baby.)
It’s her, after days of not writing back.
Vasilisa.
You made it! The end to “Our Young Funny Voices.” I just wanted to take the time to thank you for coming along Francine and Vasilisa’s journey. I began writing this novel in January of 2019, but didn’t start really plowing through it until April 2019. My characters are loosely based off my own experiences, and the experiences of people in my life. I’m dedicating this book to those in the LGBTQ community without a voice. We still have a long way to go in our fight towards equality for all- and while Vasilisa’s decision won’t be everyone’s, I’m hoping wherever you are it gets better. Remember, we all have the right to love and be loved. ❤️If you enjoyed “Our Young Funny Voices”, please let me know your thoughts. This is my first finished novel, and would love to know who my fans are. If you want to co
Four months later“It’s so big!” Vasha looked around Indian Steele Park in amazement as hoards of people stood around eating, listening to live music, and dancing their hearts out to the vibrating beat. Gay Pride was in full swing, and for once I didn’t care that it was hotter than the devil’s ass crack outside. I hadn’t been to one of these celebrations in three years, and I wanted Vasha to have the experience. She tugged on the hem of my high-waisted white skater skirt, and motioned at Brody and Liza, who were grinding up against each other sensually. “It finally happened.”“About time.” I grinned and waved when Liza looked over. She cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted.“COME DANCE!”“PHOENIX PRIDE, HOW WE DOIN!?” The DJ boomed enthusiastically. The crowd erupted in cheers and cat calls. Suddenly, “Anna Sun&
One month later“Great work this week, Francine. Enjoy those glorious two days off!” The middle aged Sicilian owner of my new workplace, Joey Alfonsi, looked up from the cash he was counting to watch me scurry out the back doors before anyone could ask me for another favor. I’d already been here an hour past quitting time as it was. I took a bite out of my baguette and gave him a two finger salute. I already loved working here, and looked forward to many pleasant years with the small business.“Thanks! See you on Tuesday.” My first morning shift at Joey’s Italian Paradise— which didn’t open until 2:00 P.M for lunch, meant I wasn’t due in until 11:00 A.M after my long weekend.Swell enough for me!Jogging briskly over to my used 2002 white Pontiac Grand Am, I unlocked it and slid into the driver’s side. I’d gotten over my fear of driving and worked hard tow
“Was there another reason? I thought you came all this way for me.” Vasha wrapped herself in a sheet and opened the window right above her rustic oak headboard. I’d since thrown on my girlfriend’s tiger sweater, and tucked my knees inside of it. I tried to answer, but felt chilled to the bone. Even my blood felt like frozen red jello.Damnit. It’s so fucking cold.Having lived in the perpetual desert that is Arizona for most of my life, nothing could have prepared me for an impromptu visit to Siberia...in December.Well done, Francine.“You can’t tell me anything with your chattering teeth, detka. Here.” She laughed fondly, pulling me to the corner of her bed where the wind wasn’t nipping as much. She piled on all the blankets, and I looked up at her adoringly. Vasha seemed to be returning to her normal, sweet self. “Poor thing. Don’t worry bunny, I’ll make
“I’ll call you everyday to check in. Are you sure you’ll be alright here?” Andrei asked hastily as Vasha fumbled to unlock her bolted front door. It really was something, with a digital programmed code and everything. She shook from the cold and stomped a boot clad foot impatiently.“Yes, if the door opens before you return to Tobolsk.” She turned around to find me shivering my tits off. “Detka, wait in the car. This damn snow will freeze you to death.”“I-I’m alright...” I chattered, huddling close to Andrei. He threw an arm around me comfortingly and laughed in merriment. His vibrant green eyes twinkled the same way Vasha’s did when she was excited.“Before you know it, you’ll both be warm and cozy. Look, she’s got it open. Let’s move along inside.”He didn’t have to tell me twice.We managed to lug everything in with one
“Vasha, it’s very important. Tell me what happened with you at the hospital.” Andrei still managed to appear calm, but I knew it was solely for his daughter’s sake. She looked at us with a terrified expression, and eased back into her chair.“You can’t say anything....they’ll just hurt others there out of spite.” Her large green eyes brimmed with tears. “They break you. You come in afraid and leave scared of your own shadow...if you ever get to go home. I was tied to my bed, and they laughed at me when I asked to use the restroom...” she looked completely embarrassed to be sharing the details with us, and I almost had to sit on my hands to keep from punching something. “They fed me more pills than food. I’d get so hungry at night I’d cry from the emptiness in my stomach. The only time I had anything other than bread and water was right before you came to visit.” She glanced at Andrei, then low
I’ve always known Vasha to be docile and quiet. She’s soft spoken, and thinks long and hard before she says anything...the only exception being when she’s drunk. That’s why I thought it was strange that she seemed on edge tonight, and I didn’t know what to make of it. With her phone still untouched on the coffee table, I mentally began ruling out any possibilities of her hearing from Olya in the half hour we’d been getting everything ready to bake. Coming up empty, I built up the courage to strike up a conversation.“Detka, do you want to talk about anything?” I was sitting on a barstool facing Andrei’s spacious kitchen island, watching Vasha roughly pound and roll a generous pile of raw gingerbread cookie dough. I’d given up on helping when it became clear I was just getting in the way. The kitchen is no place for me to begin with. I’m a lot more comfortable as a spectator.“Fine. Why do you ask?&
I typed out a few sentences, then deleted them right away. Nothing was coming out exactly the way I wanted it to. If Vasha wasn’t dead to the world, I would have left the situation for her to deal with. I wish she would have told this lunatic to hop on someone else’s dick a long time ago. Some people don’t deserve second chances.God this is so fucked.“Not my circus, not my monkeys...” I mumbled the infamous Polish saying under my breath. Just as I was talking myself out of messing with any of it until my girlfriend was awake enough to read the texts, Olya fired over another one.SMS: I know you’re reading my correspondence. Where are you? I’ll come to where you’re at right now.Fuck no you won’t. The wrath building up inside of me overflowed to the tips of my fingers as I furiously typed back.SMS: I’m not Vasilisa. Leave my
“What’s this say, detka?” Vasha had my passport laid out on the perfectly made up bed we’d been staying in for almost fifteen hours straight, and pointed at my middle name. Andrei woke us up ten minutes ago with the promise of porridge and sliced rye bread, which I was excited to try. Figuring we’d be leaving soon, I was hoping to have all my things ready to go, but Vasha had gotten to them first and was curiously pulling my identification out to study it closely.“Alice. My middle name is Alice, little bat.” Most people I met were indifferent to their middle names or just simply didn’t have one, but I loved mine. I smiled at her, watching as she ran her fingers over the glossy photo gingerly.“Beautiful.” She mummered, tossing the document back into my carry on bag and started getting dressed for the day. Choosing a pair of distressed blue jeans and her Siberian tiger sweater, she finger brushed her short bla
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