Pandemonium

                                                             "Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright                                                                                   exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.'

                                                                             -Helen Keller. 

                            IBIM

When the gods were sharing sight, I overslept arrived late so I got vision supplies for only a few years. School as a 17 year old blind girl in Nigeria is.... well, it's interesting. I go to Ogan Memorial Secondary Academy, Port Harcourt. Yes, Port Harcourt. And there's a story if all was sugar and spice we won't be here now, would we?

"Ms. Ben-Harry", a voice called from down the hall and I turned. It was Ms. Angeline, the guidance Counsellor but I already knew this before turning anyways. I followed her footsteps to her office. 

Ogan Memorial was the best school for everyone, so they said and hence, I've been here long before I lost my sight that explains why I can move around without groping although we have people who help just incase. I get to her office and she tells me to sit. 

"You know why I called you?". 

I feign ignorance. I hear her heavy sigh and then the tapping of her stationery against the wooden table. She was pissed, one rule in Ogan is you never snitch doesn't matter if you were blind, deaf, dumb or crippled; snitches got stitches and that was exactly why I was here, because someone had to snitch. But the question was who?

"Lola Abereye", She said and I struggle not to flinch as she says the name. Lola was found dead in the girls' hostel on the fourth of July last year. It wasn't a violent scene so I hear, most people say she killed herself, the minority vote is that she was murdered, I was on a neutral because I heard them that night after socials that evening I was in the hostel when she was killed and although my eyes don't work, my ears do and I can match each voice to a face but the thing is..... nobody snitches. 

"What does this have to do with me, Ma?", I asked folding my hands across my chest.

That was a dumb question, of course it had everything to do with me, they found me fast asleep in the hostel when the body was first found and since the Abereyes were pressing charges, Ogan needed to provide answers or their precious school will pay a very handsome amount to the Abereyes. They needed me to talk to say a name just a name and everything would be fine. 

"You have to pick one, Ibim, it's either you talk to me or you talk to the detectives and they'll be here soon, they won't be gentle with you at all". She was trying to threaten me. I wasn't going to be a snitch. Lola snitched and got killed, Ade snitched and ended up in the remand home, Ngozi snitched and was expelled. If I snitch something was gonna happen to me and you might sit there judging me but if you were at Ogan, you would know better than follow any silly moral taught to you at Sunday school. Here, it's eat or be eaten, kill or be killed and I wasn't going to throw myself under a bus that is going to move without me anyways. 

"I'm not talking to anyone anymore, I have already said what I know".

"which is?". Her voice was patient now. 

"I was fast asleep, I didn't hear anything?". The sleep was my alibi and I wondered why they hadn't pinned this on me. Mofe says it's because I'm the blind girl but I think there's a different reason someone must have seen someone else going into the girls' hostel gates during socials and snitched but since I'm the only one the entire school knows was present at the scene they want me to speak, they are protecting someone. 

After trying to no avail, she let me out of her office, it was well into the first period of school now and I was alone in the hallway. I walked to my locker and on opening it something fell on my face. It was another note. I wonder why these idiots left me notes when they know blindness means YOU CAN'T SEE!!. I crumbled it and threw it in my bag, I was gonna show my eyes later and by my eyes, I meant Mofe. 

Economics was gibberish to me, I had the notes, I read them,I listened in classes, I attempted to draw the graphs and yet when the test came, I could hardly make a C+ on it. Ms. Chinemema's voice was heavy in the entire class but I wasn't in the class anymore, I purposely let my mind drift away from the class. I think of break time and food, Mondays we had J.Rice. 

"Theory of Marginality?,.....hmmm... Ms.Yakubu". I was relieved she didn't call my name. Soyaya answered it in a heartbeat. She's been best in Economics since we started this godsforsaken subject in year 10. I had attempted going to meet her to help in teaching me but there was no use I was about to explain to her how to teach me the graphs is to draw it on my palm. The bell rung and I hurried to my feet and left the classroom. I didn't have many friends since we entered secondary school, most of my friends from elementary stopped speaking to me after...well...after my corneas fried and I lost my sight. 

Second and third period was maths and I had that with Mofe, Getting to the Calculus hall was tricky when we started secondary school but after a while it was imprinted in my brain. 

"091", I heard and I make a salute in the direction of her voice. 

"Do you believe in a fresh start?", Mofy says as we walk into the class. I nod. 

"With Ms. Angeline on my ass on the first day back? No, I do not believe in a fresh start at all".  I signed really fast. 

"Don't tell me she called you!". 

"Na wa oh", I say and sit in the chair next to her. When I didn't sign; she read my lips and we signed when we didn't want anyone to understand our conversation. Yes, there are other deaf kids at school and in primary school we made a plan to learn the BSL since every other deaf person in school used ASL. Mofe was deaf, she lost her hearing in primary 2 two years before I lost my sight. I put the crumbled paper into her hand 

"Keep your mouth fucking shut!", She reads in hushed tones. "Oh God, are you okay?".

I nod. "I am". But honestly, how can I be?

A/N

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Furo!