HER LIPS FELL APART

LOLA

His eyes held that familiar cold stare like at a piece of furniture that had lost its value.

I felt my fingers loosen around the silicon length, but my will power was strong enough to not let it slip out of my hands.

I felt the presence of the lines of the thick fluid across my thighs, and the sudden awareness that I was fully undressed pulled viciously at me.

I gagged, my throat closing momentarily to everything I was feeling at the moment.

An ache tore through my neck, stretching down to my waist. I exhaled a deep one, shutting my eyes at the same time, praying that when I opened it, Eddy wouldn't be there.

Anybody could be shoving their judgement of me down my throat but not Eddy, not now, not here and not like what was about to happen to my ego...

"I'd have left you to continue, but it is disgusting to even think about."

The first sentence, heavy, brutal, merciless, sliced through my chest like reopening an old wound.

"Eddy--," my shaky voice came through, a plea and a defence all in one helpless word.

"Get up. Don't hurt yourself. At least not when I'm watching. I don't think I would be able to stand---"

"EDDISON!" my breathing was hard and ragged.

It was at that moment I realized myself that I was pleading.

My legs, due to the discomfort from my posture and weight, have stiffened to a cramp.

From the tip of my toes to my knees felt numb and non existent. The pain building up my back didn't make it easy for me to help myself.

The pain clustered back up to my head. I was literally shaking in front of the man I call my husband, but he couldn't even see.

"I dare you to cut me off again, Lola Coogan!" his voice vibrated against the walls and the ceilings and inside my head.

I sucked in a painful breath, a small voice inside me speaking to my consciousness "Eddy would be the death of you."

I shook my head in vehement disagreement, pulling my legs together to try to get myself up.

"How did I end up with you? Damn it!" Eddy cursed, punching the air like there was an actual target hanging.

Between the words that Eddy spoke and the pain from my cramped joints, I wasn't sure which of them twisted at my guts until the tears were running freely down my face.

Nevertheless, I tugged at my emotions to keep them in check - I wasn't going to lose this fight.

As I tried to pull my weight up from the position I was trapped in, my muscles stretching and my bones cracking, I could feel Eddy's disgusted glare hovering against my skin.

I shut my eyes and pulled hard.

I didn't realize how weak my legs had gotten until they slipped, and I felt the pain of my weight come hard against the floor.

Embarrassment rippled through me like electricity, my body went still, frozen beyond description.

At that moment, I wished the ground would open and swallow me whole.

My vision started to blur again, this time, in the pool of heavy tears that hung shamefully against my eyes.

"Pathetic"

Pain tore through me, clutching at my chest and knotting at every single joint in my body.

Can Eddy not just speak?

He had said just one word, and it has been a couple seconds since he did, but his voice - sharp, merciless, resounded in my head like a punishment I could not escape.

"Please, Eddy! Please" I muttered under my breath. This time, it was more like a prayer to whosoever listens. A prayer for a miracle - that he turns and walks out that door without any other word.

"You're fat. Fat in every sense of it. How do you even live in that body?"

I inhaled deeply, and held my breath.

"Then you do despicable things and throw yourself at anybody that is willing to make you feel good, because you know the truth yourself."

My stomach tightened, and my flesh folded beneath my skin to the bullet his every word dealt it.

A pain rose from my left ankle and registered all the way, through my arm, finally settling in my head.

The cold of the floor dealt with the skin of my ass roughly, reminding me of every bad decision I had ever made, letting my father have his way with marrying me off to Eddy, most especially.

"You said you'd let me have my peace in front of the visitors if ---." 

The words were heavy against my trembling lips. I exhaled, the thought of having to handle his response to the conversation I had just started haunting me, pushing the words I wanted to say farther back into the deep of my stomach.

I clutched my legs back to my chest, my arms barely going round because of the mass of my chest.

I could swear I heard Eddy chuckle.

"You should have just spoken the truth, Lola. But both of you denied it on the spot."

My lips fell apart - defeated, helpless, hopeless.

I wanted to say something, but the truth remained that there was nothing I could say.

"Eddy!" I managed, then my head went blank.

Slowly, I guided my gaze back to look at his face.

He leaned against the door of the bathroom, his waist pulling forward to make space for the door knob, his legs crossed, as well as his arms, like he was watching his favorite show.

There was a slight grin on his face which, to me, stood out so well, it made me want to shed my skin, disappear, swap bodies, hit him in the face, anything that would appease the awful feeling that had balled hard in my chest.

"Eddy!" I called again.

For some reason, that was the only sound I could manage to speak out.

"At this point, I don't think anybody can help you if you don't even try to help yourself, Lola."

The way he said my name - like something that isn't worth keeping, hopeless hopelessness.

"We have a fitting for our next event. I advise you to do better. At least, pretend to," he said after a huge sigh.

I wanted to say something. 

My mouth was warm and I could feel the words taking form, but until he turned, the door clicking open and bouncing back into lock, his footsteps fading into silence, I just stared on.

"Just do it!" 

I felt the words roll off my tongue like the easiest thing I've ever said.