YEARNING FOR MY BROTHER IN-LAW

LOLA

I was mostly to myself through the flight, my thoughts everywhere, and my body doing a good job staying calm despite the storm that brewed underneath my skin.

It was a long journey. When we touched down at the Norway airport, I was too tired to even think straight, and I felt too sleepy. I couldn't wait to be ushered into our rooms, then take a long hot shower and hide under the blankets, away from the reality I could never actually ever run from.

Then, my father in law's words delivered like a blow to my face, "We will watch his practice tonight."

"What the heck!" Eddy blurted out, his voice rising above his usual beat.

"You heard me, Eddy," Mr. Greg shot at him, looking around to make sure nobody had any other objection.

Eddy was obviously not comfortable with the plan. He sighed, tugging at his tie uncomfortably as he paced around the space in front of him.

Connor, on the other hand, stood at a distance with his hands folded, and his face holding a solid neutral expression.

I didn't like the idea as I was too exhausted to even keep my eyes open for too long, but Eddy didn't talk back to his father after he shunned him. Therefore, bringing up my own displeasure at the command wasn't something I thought I should do.

"We can make it for a late lunch," Mr. Greg spoke again, beckoning to one of the chauffeurs on a stand-by, and just like, I was back at Norway again — the very place my nightmare started.

The lunch style was exquisite, and the table was full. Of course, I ate to my satisfaction, but that was because Eddy didn't join the table early enough. It was just me, Connor and Mr. Greg. 

I still had a mouthful when Eddy walked through the glass door with an obvious impatience of a warrior deployed against his will.

Covering my mouth, I chewed rapidly, avoiding his gaze at the same time. He didn't even spare me one look as he dragged his feet to take a seat on the far edge of the table.

He was openly protesting, and this time, because of the conditions, I was on his side.

Mr. Greg grunted, digging a portion from his plate into his mouth, and continuing to chew like he had not noticed anything.

I threw my head back, picking up my glass of water. Then, I heard a loud crash, liquid spattering against my jacket and soaking through the material to my skin.

"I'm sorry," I stuttered, standing on my feet to beat off the rings of water bubbles still hanging on my outfit.

"Can you not keep your clumsiness hidden for the purpose of whatever this is?" Eddy spoke first. Of course, he did.

I swallowed.

"I'm sorry. I must have been thinking about something else," I said again. That painful anxiety of everyone's attention suddenly drifting to your direction punched my guts hard.

"It's okay, Lola. They'd fix it. You're making it a big deal," Connor spoke. I watched Eddy shoot him a surprise look.

"Have your seat, Lola," Mr. Greg urged, only then was I able to let my body find its way back to the chair.

For the rest of the dining moment, I just dug at my food, my thoughts all over the place, totally unsure of what awaited me.

---

The stadium was rowdy, one would easily think there was a real game going on, whereas it was just practice. The Boston Raiders were ready to go bring the cup home and they had been practicing hard for that moment.

Norway was as cold as I had left it, and it brought back the nostalgic feeling — the good times I had thought would last forever.

We all sat on the same row of the arranged seats with me sitting right next to Eddy. I folded my hands on my thighs, careful to not make any move he would consider an instant taboo.

Nothing prepared me for the moment that played out before my eyes when I finally settled on the set of players that skated through the ice.

My eyes met his. Maybe not, but I was sure he looked up for a split second and in that moment, our gazes caught.

The strings of a thousand memories — me watching his games, and cheering him on from the crowd, him teasing me with his moves on ice and threatening to propose to me immediately after a good game — ran through my head.

I shivered uncontrollably on my seat. Eddy would have noticed if he wasn't interested in everything that concerned Norway, especially where he was sitting at the moment.

Sitting right there, in a whole stadium for a practice game, after a long flight, my body weak to the bones, the life I loved until I lost it staring me right in the face as if trying to remind me of my mistakes and why I deserved whatever was happening to me, I slowly drifted from watching the other players on the ice — my eyes only followed Freddy's.

"Tell me one thing you have never told anyone," he had nudged my arm playfully as he drove me to grab an ice-cream one windy Saturday evening, about a year ago.

"What's that?" I replied playfully, snuggling my nose up at him and stretching against the front passenger seat.

"Come on! Make it fun," he urged, refusing to look at me.

I had warned him severally to stop taking the risks of getting his eyes out of the road for whatever reason whenever he is driving.

"Nothing. I tell you everything," I replied truthfully, but his face creased into a disbelief expression.

"I promise," I added. "Don't you tell me everything too?"

"I do, but there's one thing I haven't told you yet," he replied, glancing at me. I shot him a disapproving stare.

"What could that be?" I asked, turning to look at his face.

He hesitated for a second.

"Go on!" I urged him, poking his arm.

"Nothing much. Just that, I will do anything to win you back if I ever have to."

My face burnt with a pain that stemmed from somewhere deep inside of me as I continued to watch him skate masterfully through the ice, obtaining the puck in his stick and passing it on after covering a safe distance.

My fingers twitched. My head was heavy. Eddy kept sighing and turning beside me. Mr. Greg watched the skating rink with an attention that had him pulling his hands under the jaw. Connor---

Connor wasn't in the position I saw him earlier.

Suddenly, my entire body began to burn, and I felt like throwing up. My heart was beating faster than normal. I couldn't bear to keep staring at him.

At that moment, my phone began to ring.

It was Connor, but the stadium suddenly got too rowdy, I couldn't hear what he had to say.

"Hold on a second," I spoke loudly into the speaker.

"Alright. You wouldn't want to miss this one," came his response.

"Miss what?"

"Get here first, Lola.”