CHAPTER 1

“Rowe, babe… As much as I enjoy this girly ritual, I’m really starting to resent you taking over my Friday nights.”

          Rowena Killian looked up from her half-painted toes and rolled her eyes at her best friend, Summer.

“Funny, ‘babe’, but I don’t remember inviting you, anyway.”

“Well, I know what you’d be doing if I wasn’t here…”

“Uhm… Enjoying a nice, long, relaxing bath?” Rowena replied, raising a pointed eyebrow.

“Please… So damn boring...”

          As she flopped down onto the sofa beside Rowena, ice cubes rattled in Summer’s fresh drink.

“You’ve been here almost two years, Rowe… Don’t you think it’s time to see something besides your cubicle and this apartment?”

“I like my apartment.”

          There was nothing wrong with it. Or the fact that she preferred to spend her time safe inside it. Taking a sip of her drink, Rowena tried not to let the familiar irritation surface. Summer meant well… as always.

“And junk food… apparently. You need to find a man… Pronto!”

          A joking smile crinkled her friend’s bright green eyes. But Summer knew her answer… They’d been over this topic a million times.

“I don’t need a man.”

          Summer snorted... a sound that clashed with her blond, model-quality exterior, but completely suited the rebel she hid inside.

“Oh, please! Every woman needs a man… Someone to help you feel pretty, feminine… sexy.”

“Summie, I wouldn’t know sexy if it bit me in the ass.”

“Exactly!”

          A mischievous smile flashed across Summer’s face, lightening Rowena’s mood. Summer had that effect on her… on everyone. Sometimes it was sickening. But she’d needed that so much when she’d first moved to Seattle.

          Laughing, smiling was something she’d only faked for years. Her family had smothered her. Cocooned her in bubble wrap and walked on eggshells around her. Even surrounded by people, you could be alone.

          She just hadn’t realized how alone she’d been until she’d met Summer.

          It hadn’t always been that way. A mischievous child, she’d grown up the center of attention and relished every last moment. And as a teenager, she’d loved being the outgoing, friendly one. The one everyone turned to for advice and a shoulder to cry on.

          Being happy had been easy… Then.

          Rowena missed that girl. Wanted her back. It had taken five years, but she was finally starting to find that place inside again. If she could just break through that last barrier to being whole…

“A good man would teach you ‘sexy’.”

          Summer’s mouth twisted into a naughty grin as her eyes flashed fun.

“Now, turn the radio on. ‘Speaking of Sex & Lust’ is about to start.”

          Rowena groaned. She had a love-hate relationship with ‘Dr. Lovejoy’ and his… radio show. There was something about that man’s voice that made her insides tingle and turn to goo. Listening to him talk about relationships and sex for hours every night drove her insane. Of course, Rowena supposed it was self-torture, considering she’d given up all hope of ever having sex again.

“‘You’re on the air with Dr. Lovejoy. Let’s put some spark back in your love life.’”

          His familiar voice wrapped her like a blanket. Calm and pleasant, deep and dark, Dr. Lovejoy had the uncanny ability to put her at ease and hype her up, all with that one catchphrase.

          Comfort and confusion, that’s what he offered.

          How could Rowena want a healthy, satisfying relationship plus sweaty, unrestrained sex, and yet still be unable to take that first step in finding it? Listening to his show every Friday had become a nightly ritual, started out as a sort of self-prescribed therapy.

          She’d hoped that hearing men and women talk about sexual relationships every night would take the edge of fear away, and would get her juices flowing again. And it had, it did, but each and every time she’d attempted to put that energy to good use, the anxiety would resurface.

          And Rowena was frustrated.

          She wanted sex.

          She wanted a life.

          She wanted someone to share them both with.

“‘How can he fulfill your needs if you don’t tell him what you want? Listen, ladies, we aren’t mind readers. You want a little adventure with your sex? Then spell it out for him. Trust me, he’s probably willing to try anything once.’”

          Rowena sighed and leaned back against her sofa. Then, she took another sip of her drink

“Call him!”

          Rolling her head sideways, she shot Summer a glare.

“Are you crazy?”

“Come on… He’ll have the answer.”

          She stared disbelievingly as Summer hopped up and hobbled across the floor toward the phone.

“Ah, no… he won’t.”

“Look, how can it hurt? You’ve seen how many therapists over the last few years?”

“Four in five years.”

“And has anything they’ve told you to do helped?”

“Nope.”

“Exactly!”

          With a raised eyebrow and cocked hip, Summer gave her the phone.

“What do you have to lose?”

          Rowena stared at the phone.

“My dignity, self-respect, sanity? Any of those will work. There is no way I’m going on the most popular radio show in the city to spill my guts. Everyone I know listens to this show. You’re the only person here who knows what happened. I plan to keep it that way.”

“So… use a different name. No one will know.”

“I’ll know, Summie!”

“You’re assuming he can’t help…”

“He can’t! You listen to the show just as much as I do. He might know a heck of a lot about the male/female thing, but somehow, I think my problems run a bit deeper than the normal issues he handles. I don’t need a sex expert.”

“Babe, that man is an expert on more than just sex. He knows how to handle a woman, make her feel special. Although, if you ask me, a sexpert is precisely what you need.”

          She looked at Summer frowning… Her best friend bright and animated… that was normal. Her best friend with a mission… that was just scary.

“That man could charm the panties off anyone… including you, Rowe. He’d have you naked, moaning and screaming before fears and your overactive brain could sabotage you.”

          Standing up, Rowena paced past her friend toward the stereo. She should just turn the damn thing off. Instead, she turned back.

“What do you think he’s going to say?” she asked.

“It’s more what I expect he could do,” Summer said, lifting an eyebrow.

“Do?! You think he’ll find a man willing to take on the challenge?”

          Summer twirled the phone in her hand.

“Nope. I expect he’d help you himself… if you ask him nicely.”

          Her knees went weak, almost like someone had reached in and pulled the bones straight through the bottom of her feet.

“What? You expect me to ask Dr. Lovejoy to have sex with me?”

“Hell, yes!”

“Hell, no!”

“He’s precisely what you need, Rowe. He definitely knows his way around a woman’s body. Any man who can talk about women and pleasure the way he does…”

          Her friend trailed off into a wistful sigh.

“At least call him.”

          Rowena shook her head, not sure what to say. There was no way she could ask Dr. Lovejoy for sex.

          On air no less!

          Narrowing her eyes, Summer jabbed the phone toward her.

“If you don’t, I will.”

          Rowena’s heart seemed to seize in her chest. Pulling her gaze away, she decided to ignore the pointed gesture. Summer shrugged and started dialing. Snatching the phone from her, mid-punch, she stabbed the off button and hid it behind her back. With a smirk Summer said,

“Suit yourself! I’ll use my cell phone,” Summer said with a smirk.  

          She growled under her breath. Arguing with Summer made her almost as frustrated as fighting with her big brothers always had. A tiny part of her missed those moments with her family, when she could be herself, when her older brothers had acted like annoying, interfering older brothers.

          No one except Summer fought with her now.

“Summie, I’m not asking him to have sex!”

“Fine. But call him. It can’t hurt to tell him your story, and see if he has any advice.”

          Rowena swayed. Sure, she’d considered calling before. The only thing that had stopped her was an absolute certainty that it wouldn’t do any good. Crossing the room, Summer laid a hand on her shoulder.

“You’ve tried everything else. What do you have to lose?”

          She gave up with an exasperated groan.

“What am I supposed to say to him? Hi, my name is Rowena and I’m a victim of sexual violence?”

“Well, that depends on what you’re looking for. I’d suggest you start with the fact you haven’t had sex in five years and go from there.”

          Plopping down onto her sofa, Rowena dialed the number for Dr. Lovejoy’s hotline and sighed. If this would get Summer off her back for a while it’d be worth any discomfort.

          She’d call, tell him her problem and just see if he had any suggestions. What she wouldn’t do was ask him for sex.

          Her heartbeat quickened as the line connected and rang. The bundle of nerves in the pit of her stomach seemed to tighten and churn as she explained to the show’s producer why she was calling.

          After being placed on hold, Rowena breathed deeply in a vain attempt to dispel the emotions jittering through her. She’d explain her situation, leaving out most of the details, and then when he couldn’t offer her anything constructive would hang up and forget she’d ever dialed the number.

          Rowena felt better until she looked up into her friend’s expectant eyes.

“I still think you should ask him for sex. I’m telling you, that man knows his way around a woman’s body. The only thing you’d be thinking with him touching you is… more… more… more.”

          The breathless way Summer moaned the words was not helping.

“I am not going to…”

“‘You’re on the air with Dr. Lovejoy. Let’s find the spark in your relationship.’”

          Her eyes flew wide as Rowena leaped to her feet, standing uselessly in the center of her living room. His voice slid down her spine, not from her strategically placed speakers, but from the phone pressed tightly to her ear.

          Rowena’s hand flexed around the curved plastic in a bid to hold on to something tight. She certainly didn’t have hold of her sanity at the moment.

          A vision of Dr. Lovejoy, a carbon copy of the billboard she passed at least twice a day, jumped easily to her mind. With a wide, white smile and rumpled, dark brown hair that always looked as if some woman had just run her fingers through it, the man was gorgeous.

          No red-blooded, sane, breathing woman could argue that.

          But it wasn’t just his rugged jaw or kissable lips that held her attention. Something deep inside those smoldering blue-gray eyes made her insides clench and melt whenever she drove past.

          Even now, just the memory of that picture had her body heating.

          Heating more than it had for any flesh-and-blood man in the past five years.

“‘Now, don’t be shy, sweetheart… I won’t bite. Unless you want me to.’”

          Rowena heard his laugh. Like his voice, it was deep and sexy, and somehow soothing. She relaxed the muscles that had bunched at her back and sank blindly onto the sofa.

          Her mouth opened and words tumbled out before she could stop them.

“I need you to sleep with me.”