Chapter Nine

She came out of her reverie when Rick asked, “Would you like another drink?”

“No, one’s usually my limit, to prevent my saying or doing anything stupid,” she admitted.

He laughed.

“Sweet tea it is then. I’ll be right back.”

Rick went into the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with two tall glasses.

He handed her one, then said, “I’d like to propose a toast. To the amazing woman sitting beside me, who I hope I haven’t scared off, and who I hope says yes to more dates.”

She smiled as she clinked her glass to his, and they took a drink.

“There’s more I need to say,” he told her.

But it looked like the weight of the world had already been lifted from him, so Faith was confused as to what there possibly might be left to reveal.

Rick gently took her hand.

"What I didn’t tell you yet is that when I came here it was with the intention of running my bookstore and being a hermit. I poured all my energy into this -” Rick swept his arm out indicating their surroundings “-to build a nice place to hide myself. My own fortress, as it were. Because I’d given up. After four years alone, I’d given up on feeling anything that deep ever again.”

He turned to face her, putting his hands on her shoulders.

“Until last Saturday night just before eight, when you walked into Book Keepers, and turned my life upside down all over again, but in a great way.”

“Me?” Faith’s jaw was slack with shock.

“Yes, Faith. You.”

“Rick. You don’t want me. You barely know me. You must have me mixed up with someone else.”

“Nope. No mistake. I knew the first time I looked into your eyes.”

“I’m broken. Seriously broken. I’m not a good bet.”

“This isn’t a bet, or a game to me, Faith. And I’m broken, too. Kindred spirits. Remember?”

“Why? Why are you saying this to me?” she pleaded.

“Because it’s the truth.”

He touched her face lovingly.

“I’m scared,” she stammered, trembling as she stepped back.

Rick took her hand and placed it on his racing heart.

“Feel that? So am I. Scared brainless. But I’m on the same ledge you are, Faith, and I am taking your hand and asking you to trust and jump off with me.”

Words failed her for the second time in one night.

***

Faith lowered her head to Rick’s chest. His arms went around her, and he touched his lips to her hair. He could sense, feel, the warring factions within her, the turmoil as she weighed which path to take.

When she raised her head to look into his eyes, and he saw the molten desire in hers, the control he’d fought to maintain gave way. He pulled her tighter to him, plundering that full mouth with his, gentle at first, then more and more insistent.

Her hands slid up his back, into his hair, as she responded to his kiss. He ran his hands up first, unleashing her hair to let it fall, then gently down the sides of her face, her shoulders, down her sides just grazing her breasts, her ribs, settling on her hips for a moment as the kiss went deeper, deeper.

She gasped and clung to him as he broke the kiss and lowered his lips to trace the supple beauty of her neck.

“You smell so good,” he murmured, placing strategic kisses as his hands slowly worked up underneath her sweater, under her bra. When he gently cupped her breast, she moaned.

“Rick,” she managed.

“Hmm?”

“I…we… this is too fast….”

He stopped, withdrew his touch from her skin, and waited, his smoldering eyes locked with hers.

***

Faith took a step back, breathing heavily, trying to will her knees not to buckle.

“I am unbelievably attracted to you,” she said. “And that felt really good, just, too fast.”

It came easier now, she realized, because with him she didn’t have to filter, just say it, and he would follow.

So, she told him.

“Rick, you don’t even know my last name. My favorite color, my favorite food. I know this sounds stupid, but I don’t want to just hop into bed with you right off. I want it to mean something more than that.”

He tilted his head slightly.

“I never had any intention other than being completely with you, not just sex.”

Faith’s eyes widened.

His eyes never left hers, and she could see the want now tinged with anger and, she was surprised to note, hurt.

“Faith, I don’t know what you’re used to dealing with, or what you take me for, but I’m not wired that way. There’s a reason why I’ve been alone so long. If it was just sex I was looking for, that itch could have been thoroughly scratched multiple times over the last four years.”

Now he stepped forward.

“When I told you that you turned my world upside down, I meant it. I don’t say those things lightly. I don’t take these feelings lightly. I am trying, very hard, not to be offended that you think I would.”

“I didn’t mean it that way,” Faith stammered.

His eyes flashed.

“You’ve locked yourself away from the world, intentionally, so you don’t get hurt ever again. I understand that. I’ve lived it. But you think I’m like every other man you’ve ever known, that after I bed you, use you, I’m going to just walk away without thinking twice.”

She looked back at him with raw eyes and couldn’t hold back the flood of emotion anymore.

“Exactly. That’s exactly it. A large chunk of my life turned out to be a complete fabrication, one great big cosmic joke, and I am almost forty, and I am starting all over again, alone. I don’t have enough armor left to survive another round of war. And you scare me. I want you, but I don’t want to. I am putting up wall after wall to keep you out and you keep knocking them down. You scare the living hell out of me….”

When he saw the tears begin to fall, Rick enveloped her in his arms to try to comfort her, but it only lasted a few moments.

Faith broke off, stepping away, arms wrapped around herself to try to stop shaking.

“I need to go now,” she whispered, then fled.

***

Rick stood in his living room with his eyes closed and his head down, trying to process what had just happened between them.

She’s so much stronger, sexier than she realizes, yet so fragile. 

Her whole body shaking in his arms as he'd held her sobbing frame against his chest had gutted him to the core. It made him want to just wrap around her and protect her from absolutely everything, made him want to locate that idiot ex of hers and pound him into little, tiny pieces with his bare hands.

She’s been through hell. But she’s worth waiting for. So, I'll wait. As long as it takes. And she needs to know that.

He started after her.

***

Faith was trembling so much she almost couldn't get the front door to Book Keepers open.

"Faith, wait. Please. Wait just a minute," Rick called to her as he stepped off the lift.

Finally, her fingers cooperated enough to turn the latch, and she yanked the door open and raced down the sidewalk out of sight.

By the time she reached her townhouse, she was crying so hard she could barely see the lock well enough to insert the key.

Fate pitied her, and in between great gulping sobs the key somehow found its way into the slot. She barreled through then locked the door behind her before she sank to her living room floor.