Chap 6: [AHOE] - She?

"I love him. Clinging for five years, being married for five years is a full ten years, until the accident happened, I was still alone.

After opening my eyes, I realized that I was lost in a desert.

I wandered in that wilderness for a long time.

I knew that I was coming to the end of my life. But I don't want to leave him, and I don't want to leave in a situation like this.

Actually, at that moment, when I received that broken glass, I thought, dying in the arms of the person you love is also a kind of happiness. But the deeper I went into the wilderness, the more I understood, if I died for him, he would probably suffer for the rest of his life. I don't want to leave him, and I don't want to be a burden in the heart of the person I love.

So when a demon's voice came up from the ground, asking me to exchange half of my existence for return, I did not hesitate to agree. At that time, I wondered to myself, why should I take half of the life span of a person who should have lost his life span completely?

Starting as just dreams, in the dead of night, a voice carrying cold air will slowly creep up to my ear, long slippery tongue slurping words out in terrifying distortions: "I'll take your place. ”, “I will take over your life”, “I will take him”.

Then came a long series of nightmares. I once watched a horror movie with a similar plot, “US”. Every time we fall asleep, the film's murky colors blend into our indoor layout; The faces of our sinister twin and ours overlapped, tormenting me in terrors. In the murky darkness of reality or dream, from time to time came screams, repetitive meaningless mechanical readings, or monstrous murmurs that "she" was coming, snatching her. my fragile happiness.

Have you ever heard that if you look into her eyes for too long, it will feel like a stranger, a monster. There was a time when I was so lost in my thoughts that I sat in front of the mirror. When I looked up, I realized with horror that, with her deep black eyes, she had been staring at me for so long.

Then suddenly all the nightmares disappeared. Mai Han was very happy, he said that I was finally free from nightmares. But my heart was always plagued with a vague insecurity that in my sky there was a huge net of spikes that was slowly shrinking. This peace is just the calm before the storm. The terrible storm brought the demon to take half of my life.

That night, when I realized her obvious existence, I understood, the contract with that demon, half life, turned out not to say longevity.

The things in my dreams no longer trample my heart, but the things when I wake up.

The moment I had to "witness" him hugging her lying on a bed, the embrace was so passionate, I could hear every inch of my heart rumbling, crushing my internal organs.

It's clearly not me, clearly not the same person.

Just two people with identical looks.

Did she understand that feeling, like she was watching a twin sister and her husband cuddling in bed.

I was shocked. I'm in pain. I am angry. I'm scared. I'm self-deprecating. I go crazy.

Again, again, again, I woke up in his bewitching eyes. I had to pretend to cherish the things the couple bought together, naturally taste the dishes he and she cooked together, watch the movies they picked together, listen to the affectionate words he said once. half with her.

Little by little, the hellfire where that demon spread out, burned my heart.

Worse than ten years ago.

He didn't love me before, but he didn't have any other women, at least not in front of me. Before, he didn't love me, give me hope, I have no right to be greedy, jealous or possessive.

But the moment he said he loved me, he completely smothered my lowly love. I know it's not his fault, but resentment is still like a smoldering fire hidden in my heart. I hate that even though I know it's not his fault, I still unconsciously reveal my resentment, causing the person I love pain and self-blame.

But no matter how much I calmed myself, convinced myself a hundred times, a thousand times, there was no way to stop those wild emotions. Those who have never seen the light will not be afraid of the dark. People who have never eaten meat will not find that vegetarianism is painful. He let me see the shape of the light again, tasted the rich flavor, I could not voluntarily return to crouch in the dark and swallow the blandness. If I knew that he had me in his heart, I would never have shared that heart with anyone else.

But then as suddenly as she came, there was a long period of time when I no longer felt her presence. I don't know why, but I thought it was over.

Until that day, when I woke up in a dimly lit room, hazy and directionless, I knew she had come again. I jolted awake, realizing I was sitting alone in a quiet studio. It was the ringing of the phone that woke me up. I looked at his number in the history, just as the bell rang again, I picked up.

- Are you done yet? He came to pick me ok?

- Um.

- Where are you?

- Recording room.

- Yeah, wait a minute.

I looked over the time on my phone, adding:

- There's probably a traffic jam now, just go slowly, there's no rush.

- Yes, you already know.

I turned on the light, checked my phone, there were a few messages from her:

- Mai Han, I have work today, maybe I will come back a little late or sleep at your friend's house.

- I've already cooked rice, I'll warm up and eat enough, don't worry about me.

- Sleep well.

I don't understand why, but she seems to have found an excuse to stay away from him.

The receiver is still working, I save, hit play, suddenly hear my own voice again.

It's her, she's singing:

“Having stepped into the barren desert in my heart. Everywhere were endless dry sands, battered by bone-chilling cold winds, shrouded in darkness and silence, humdrum and miserable. Once wished that I could light a little light, keep some warmth, erase some darkness and cold, maybe find you. But I'm just an ordinary pedestrian, can't find you, can't find the way out.

Ever stepped into a cold zone”

The voice was suddenly cut off. I listened patiently, about five minutes later, the phone rang. It turned out that I suddenly switched. I realized, even she has no control over this body transformation.

I looked online and couldn't find the name of the song. When I accidentally saw the notation on the table, I understood, this is a song she composed herself. I read the notation, it's really melodious tunes. The transcript had no lyrics, so I suddenly regretted not hearing the full story of that miserable love.

I was suddenly scared that she would sing this song in front of him. I do not believe that if he, or any other man, heard a girl who has been quietly loving him for ten years singing these tunes, he would not be heartbroken, not touched.

Just thinking about it, I shivered. The girl who has been quietly loving me for ten years? No, that's not her. It is me. But I also understood that even for a split second I had admitted her love. For a moment I had a myth that I could give her some of my time, as long as I didn't expose it, there would be no way to distinguish who really was.

I hugged her shoulder, if this was really just a play, she was overreacting. Not only confused him, but also confused me.

It wasn't until those wicked knives ripped through my skin that I knew I was too naive. She is a demon. A wicked, cunning and cruel demon. At that time, if she really didn't act, she just had to directly talk to him on the phone, without texting me to read. She didn't even need to keep the record for me to listen to. She knew I would soften, all the play was aimed at me!

I just don't understand, what is it that incited her, to go from rambling me to killing me?"