LOGINThe morning light finally arrived with cold reality, leaving me completely alone with the bitter echo of my tears.
Nang imulat ko ang mga mata ko, ang sumalubong sa akin ay ang maliwanag at malupit na sinag ng araw na tumatagos sa siwang ng makapal na kurtina. I rolled over to the side, my hand instinctively reaching out to the space beside me. It was empty. Lumubog ang puso ko nang marealize kong wala na si Eros, pero nandoon pa rin ang malalim na kulubot sa unan at ang matapang na amoy ng whiskey at mamahalin niyang pabango. the scent was so thick, it felt like he was still hovering over me, whispering her name in the dark. My whole body ached with a physical soreness that felt like a permanent brand. Pag-upo ko sa kama, doon ko nakita ang maliit at natuyong bakas ng dugo sa ibabaw ng puting bedsheets. Diyos ko. Napatakip ako sa bibig ko habang mabilis na nag-unahan ang mga luha ko. It was the physical evidence of my sin. Ang patunay na ninakaw ko ang isang gabing hinding-hindi naging para sa akin. Natataranta akong tumayo, my knees trembling as I stripped the sheets off the mattress with frantic, shaking hands. Niyakap ko ang lukot na tela sa dibdib ko, tila doon ibinubuhos ang lahat ng takot na baka bumalik siya at makita ito. Isiniksik ko iyon sa ilalim ng laundry basket bago ako halos tumakbo papasok ng banyo. Kasabay ng tunog ng umaagos na tubig sa banyo ang pagsubok na burahin ang mga marka ng nagdaang gabi. I turned the shower knob to the coldest setting, welcoming the freezing blast of water as it hit my skin. Napatong ko ang dalawa kong palad sa malamig na tiles ng dingding, letting my head drop as the water drowned out the sound of my ragged breathing. may kung anong bara sa lalamunan ko na gustong sumigaw, pero walang lumalabas. Every passing second felt like a heavy confession, isang tahimik na pagsisisi sa bigat ng kasalanang hindi sa akin. Kinuha ko ang bath sponge at marahas na isinabon sa balat ko. I rubbed my arms, my collarbones, my thighs—scrubbing so hard until my skin turned raw and bright red. Pilit kong binubura ang bawat memorya ng magaspang niyang haplos, ang bawat bigat ng halik niya, at ang paraan kung paano niya isinuko ang kontrol niya sa akin kagabi. But no matter how much soap I used, the phantom warmth of his hands wouldn't leave me. The guilt was already stained deep into my bones. Humarap ako sa malaking salamin na unt-unting nilalamon ng hamog ng banyo. Pinahid ko ang glass gamit ang palad ko para makita ang sarili ko. Ang mga mata ko ay namumula, semburing-suring sa puyat, at may maliit na pasa sa gilid ng leeg ko. "Sino ka ba talaga, Isabella?" bulong ko sa sarili ko, my voice cracking in the empty space. "Look at you. Ang dumi mo. Napakadesperada mo." She was supposed to remain an invisible ghost in this house, yet her emotions had fully committed to this dangerous charade. Ang inosenteng mundo ko ay tuluyan nang gumuho sa sahig ng banyo, leaving me caught between the fear of discovery and a stolen bond. Nang matapos akong magbihis ng isang simpleng silk robe, dahan-dahan kong pinihit ang p***o ng banyo. Lumabas ako habang pinatutuyo ang buhok ko gamit ang tuwalya. Subalit halos malagutan ako ng hininga nang makita kong hindi pa pala umaalis si Eros sa kwarto. He was sitting at the edge of the chaise lounge near the balcony, fully dressed in his charcoal grey suit pants, but his white dress shirt was completely unbuttoned, exposing his chest. He had a white mug of black coffee in his hand, staring blankly out the glass window. Nang marinig niya ang tunog ng p***o, he slowly turned his head toward me. active alertness filled his sober eyes. Walang bakas ng kalasingan kagabi—he was back to the cold, untouchable Eros. "You're awake," he said. His voice was deep, scraping against the quietness of the room. Napakapit ako sa p***o ng banyo, my knuckles turning white. "E-Eros... akala ko umalis ka na." Ibinalik niya ang tingin sa hawak niyang kape, his jaw tightening. The silence that followed was agonizing. "I was waiting for you. We need to talk." Lumubog ang buong pagkatao ko sa narinig ko. My heart hammered wildly against my ribs, suffocating me. Malalaman na ba niya? Sober na siya. Did he check the bed? Did he realize? "A-about what?" pinilit kong huwag manginig ang boses ko habang humahakbang papalapit sa kabilang dulo ng kwarto, keeping as much distance as possible. Eros placed his mug down on the side table with a soft clink that sounded like a gunshot to my ears. He stood up, running a hand through his dark hair, looking unusually stressed for someone who always had answers to everything. "Kagabi," panimula niya, and the word hung between us like a ticking bomb. He stepped closer, stopping just a few feet away from me. "I was out of line. I was wasted, and I... I barely remember how I got home. But I know what happened here, Arabella." Nang banggitin niya ang pangalan ng kapatid ko, parang may kung anong bumasag sa huli kong lakas ng loob. My hands hidden inside the pockets of my robe clenched into tight fists. "Lasing ka lang naman," bulong ko, staring down at the floor, unable to meet his gaze. "Hindi mo kailangong magpaliwanag." "No, I do," mariin niyang sagot. binalot ng rough tenderness ang boses niya, pareho sa tono niya kagabi na pumatay sa moralidad ko. "Months, Arabella. For months you wouldn't even let me touch your hand. You hated me. letters, silent treatments... you made it clear that this marriage was a prison. At alam kong naging marahas ako kagabi dahil sa galit ko." Humakbang pa siya pinalapit, hanggang sa maamoy ko na naman ang pamilyar niyang presensya. He reached out, his long fingers gently catching my chin to tilt my head up. His touch was light, as if he was handled a fragile glass that he had already cracked once. "Bakit hindi mo ako pinigilan?" tanong niya, his dark eyes searching mine with an intensity that burned. "Binigyan kita ng pagkakataon na patigilin ako. But you stayed. You let me." Hindi ko alam kung saan ako kukuha ng isasagot. Dahil hindi ako si Arabella, Eros. Dahil matagal na kitang mahal. Gusto kong isigaw, pero nanatiling nakasusi ang bibig ko. "I... I don't want to talk about this, Eros. Please," pakiusap ko, feeling the hot sting of tears returning to my eyes. Tinitigan niya ako nang matagal, his thumb lightly brushing my lower lip. may kung anong pagdududa ang dumaan sa mga mata niya, a brief flicker of confusion as if his instincts were telling him that the woman in front of him wasn't the one he used to fight with. But before he could question it, he drew his hand back, cutting the connection. "Fine," he said quietly, his voice turning cold again as he picked up his suit jacket from the bed. "I'll have the maid change the sheets later. Have your breakfast. Mauuna na ako sa opisina." Nang sumara ang p***o ng kwarto kasabay ng pag-alis niya, tuluyan akong napaupo sa sahig, humahagulgol habang nakayakap sa sarili kong mga tuhod. Safe for now. But the worst part wasn't the fear of getting caught. It was the realization that he was willing to fix his marriage with Arabella, all because of a night that belonged entirely to me.Binuksan ko ang mga messages niya.At first, it all seemed almost mundane—mga dinner invitation, requests for confirmation, at mga note mula sa mga assistant na hindi ko naman kilala tungkol sa mga taong hindi ko pa narinig kailanman. May mga address din na hindi ko mahanap sa kahit anong mapang pamilyar sa akin. I scrolled slowly, at habang ginagawa ko 'yon, napansin ko ang totoong pattern sa ilalim ng lahat: Arabella never explained herself to anyone. Kung ayaw niyang pumunta sa isang event, hindi lang siya sisipot. Kung may nakaoffend sa kanya, hindi siya nakikipagtalo—she would just cut them off entirely, mid-sentence, mid-relationship, nang walang kaabog-abog. May isang babaeng nag-text sa kanya nang tatlong beses para itanong kung tuloy ba siya sa dinner. Arabella’s entire reply had been three words.Find someone else.“That’s rude,” sabi ko sa bakanteng kwarto, sabay lingon sa paligid na tila ba nakikinig siya mula sa kung saan man siya tumakbo. “Very rude.”And yet, nung nag
Nang mai-lock ko ang pinto ng kwarto, agad akong sumandal doon. I listened to the soft click of the bolt sliding into place, at pakiramdam ko, mas kinulong ko ang sarili ko sa isang libingan kaysa sa isang silid. For several seconds, hindi muna ako gumalaw. Nanatili lang akong nakatayo habang nakalapat ang mga palad ko sa malamig na kahoy, waiting for my eyes to adjust to a space na halatang pagmamay-ari ng ibang tao.Napakalaki ng kwarto—it was far too large for one person. Pero imbis na makahinga ako nang maluwag, pakiramdam ko ay mas sumasakal sa akin ang katahimikan nito. Everything in it was Arabella’s.Ang kama sa tapat ng malalaking bintana ay may mga sapin na sobrang putla, mukhang walang kabuhay-buyhay sa ilalim ng ilaw. The cream-colored chaise was angled just so near the cold, unlit fireplace. 'Yung crystal lamp na umiilaw sa tabi ng vanity mirror ay mukhang masyadong mahal para lang gamitin sa araw-araw. Even the air had her fingerprints on it—isang pabango na matapang, m
Sinimulan naming kumain. For several minutes, neither of us spoke, and the small scrape of silverware against porcelain seemed to fill the whole room. Ang mahinang kalansing ng kubyertos laban sa plato ang pumuno sa buong kwarto habang ang Maynila naman ay patuloy sa kanyang mahinang ingay sa labas ng bintana. Sinubukan kong itutok ang pansin ko sa aking plato. I tried to remember how Arabella held her fork, how she sat, how she moved through a meal like this. Sinaulo ko ang bawat kilos niya mula sa mga lumang larawan at mga alaala noong bata pa kami. But the harder I tried to become her, the more aware I became of every gesture that was only, unmistakably mine. Bigla kong nakita ang mga kabute sa ulam. Without thinking, I reached for the serving spoon. Hawak ko na ang kutsara nang biglang magising ang alaala ko, pero huli na para pigilan ang aking sarili. Ayaw ni Arabella sa kabute. The realization hit with enough force that I nearly dropped the spoon into the dish. Sa tapat
Amoy rosemary at browned butter pa rin sa kusina. Kapit na kapit pa rin ang init ng stove sa hangin kahit kanina ko pa pinatay 'yung apoy. Nakatayo ako sa tapat ng dining table habang hawak ang isang serving spoon na nalimutan ko nang bitawan. Titig na titig ako sa dalawang pinggan na inayos ko nang may sobrang precision—na ngayon ay parang nakakahiya sa pakiramdam. Dalawang pwesto. Dalawang baso na sumasalo sa amber na liwanag ng chandelier. Dalawang napkin na maingat na tinalupan sa tabi ng silverware, na para bang ordinaryong gabi lang ito sa isang bahay kung saan pwedeng magtabi ang mag-asawa nang walang mabigat na sikretong parang batong nakadagan sa dibdib ko. Inusog ko 'yung pangalawang baso ng kalahating pulgada sa kaliwa, tapos pinigilan ko ang sarili ko bago ko pa ito hawakan ulit. Halos sampung minuto nang nanginginig ang mga kamay ko. Nagpapanggap lang ako na hindi ko 'yon napapansin. Hindi ko man lang naisip 'yung pagkain sa buong hapon. Tuwing ipipikit ko ang mga
The morning light finally arrived with cold reality, leaving me completely alone with the bitter echo of my tears. Nang imulat ko ang mga mata ko, ang sumalubong sa akin ay ang maliwanag at malupit na sinag ng araw na tumatagos sa siwang ng makapal na kurtina. I rolled over to the side, my hand instinctively reaching out to the space beside me. It was empty. Lumubog ang puso ko nang marealize kong wala na si Eros, pero nandoon pa rin ang malalim na kulubot sa unan at ang matapang na amoy ng whiskey at mamahalin niyang pabango. the scent was so thick, it felt like he was still hovering over me, whispering her name in the dark. My whole body ached with a physical soreness that felt like a permanent brand. Pag-upo ko sa kama, doon ko nakita ang maliit at natuyong bakas ng dugo sa ibabaw ng puting bedsheets. Diyos ko.Napatakip ako sa bibig ko habang mabilis na nag-unahan ang mga luha ko. It was the physical evidence of my sin. Ang patunay na ninakaw ko ang isang gabing hinding-hindi n
He leaned down and kissed me. It was a heavy, clumsy, but incredibly intense demand. Agad na pumasok sa bibig ko ang pait at anghang ng whiskey, gasgas sa labi ko ang magaspang niyang paghabol sa hininga ko. My hands instinctively went to his chest, pushing against the cold, expensive fabric of his shirt. Itulak mo siya, Isabella. No. Don't do this. Mali ito. But my fingers only curled tighter into his polo, betraying my own mind. My defenses were crumbling down, piece by piece, falling like ash. Humiwalay nang bahagya si Eros, his ragged breaths fanning over my damp lips. He didn't move away. Instead, he rested his forehead against mine, his eyes scanning my face in the dim light of the room. He was waiting. "Tell me to stop, Arabella," he whispered, his voice dangerously low, cracking at the edges. His thumb gently brushed the corner of my trembling lower lip. "Isang salita mo lang. Just tell me to stop... and I'll walk away." Tinitigan ko si Eros. In the shadows, t







