#TBIWKab4

He leaned down and kissed me.

It was a heavy, clumsy, but incredibly intense demand. Agad na pumasok sa bibig ko ang pait at anghang ng whiskey, gasgas sa labi ko ang magaspang niyang paghabol sa hininga ko. My hands instinctively went to his chest, pushing against the cold, expensive fabric of his shirt.

Itulak mo siya, Isabella. No. Don't do this. Mali ito.

But my fingers only curled tighter into his polo, betraying my own mind. My defenses were crumbling down, piece by piece, falling like ash.

Humiwalay nang bahagya si Eros, his ragged breaths fanning over my damp lips. He didn't move away. Instead, he rested his forehead against mine, his eyes scanning my face in the dim light of the room. He was waiting.

"Tell me to stop, Arabella," he whispered, his voice dangerously low, cracking at the edges. His thumb gently brushed the corner of my trembling lower lip. "Isang salita mo lang. Just tell me to stop... and I'll walk away."

Tinitigan ko si Eros. In the shadows, they looked so shattered, so desperately looking for something—someone—to hold onto. The morality I spent my whole life building up simply vanished. I didn't want to be the proxy anymore. Kahit ngayong gabi lang, gusto kong maranasan na hawakan niya.

Sa halip na sumagot, hinayaan ko ang mga kamay ko na lumampas sa dibdib niya, dahan-dahang gumagapang paakyat sa batok niya. My fingers tangled into his messy hair, pulling him back down to me. Pumikit ako at tuluyang sumuko.

He didn't ask again.

Binuhat niya ako, naramdaman ko ang pag-angat ng mga paa ko mula sa malamig na sahig habang dinadala niya ako patungo sa kama. Everything that followed felt like a blur of shadows and heavy silences. Walang pilitan, walang pagmamadali. Ang mga damit namin ay unt-unting nawala sa madilim na sulok ng kwarto, leaving nothing but two broken souls losing a war against a quiet, burning desire.

Pero nang tuluyan nang magtagpo ang mga katawan namin, reality hit me with a sharp, unforgiving blow. Isgaang biglaang nag-aapoy na sakit ang gumuhit sa buong pagkatao ko. Sumikip ang lalamunan ko, and a sharp sob escaped my lips. Napatigas ang buong katawan ko sa tindi ng shock sa ilalim ng bigat niya. It was my very first time.

Eros froze instantly.

Ang kakaibang sikip at ang tunog ng pag-iyak ko seemed to slice through the heavy fog of alcohol in his mind. Bahagya siyang lumayo, kumunot ang noo niya as he looked down at me through the darkness. Mabigat ang paghinga niya, pero biglang naging alerto ang mga mata niya.

Heto na. This is it. Malalaman na niya.

"Arabella...?" gumaralgal ang boses niya, confusion thick and raspy in his voice. Gumalaw siya nang bahagya, trying to gauge my reaction. "Hey... anong problema?"

Iniharap ko ang mukha ko sa unan, squeezing my eyes shut as fresh tears soaked into the fabric. Hindi ako makapagsalita. If I spoke, the illusion would shatter. Inihanda ko na ang sarili ko sa galit niya, sa sandaling marealize niya na hindi ako ang babaeng pinasalan niya.

"Look at me," mahina pero mariin niyang utos, his hand moving to my cheek, trying to turn my face back to him. "Bakit ka umiiyak? Did I... did I hurt you?"

Umiling lang ako, keeping my lips tightly sealed. Ang dibdib ko ay mabilis na tumataas-bumababa sa pigil na paghikbi.

Pero dahil sa tindi ng whiskey sa katawan niya, nabigo ang utak niya na ikonekta ang mga tuldok. Instead of doubting my identity, iba ang naging konklusyon ng lasing niyang isip. Akala niya ay naging masyadong marahas lang siya, too starved for the wife who had avoided him for months.

"Shh..." bulong niya, his tone suddenly dropping into an unexpected, rough tenderness.

Yumuko siya, gently kissing the tears trailing down my temples. Ang malalaking kamay niya ay lumipat sa balakang ko, his touch turning agonizingly slow, sinusubukang pakalmahin ang panginginig ng katawan ko.

"I'm sorry... I've got you," bulong niya sa balat ko, his voice wrapping around me like a fragile promise. "Just breathe, Arabella... Just breathe. I'll be gentle."

Isang matinding bugso ng luha ang muling nagpalabo sa paningin ko nang banggitin niya ang pangalan ng kapatid ko. Every single syllable felt like a beautiful, silver blade stabbing straight through my chest. Kaya lang siya malambot ngayon kasi akala niya ako si Arabella.

Pero ang sakit sa puso ko was nothing compared to the hunger to stay in his arms. Umabot ang mga kamay ko sa balikat niya, my fingernails digging into his shoulders, anchoring myself to him as he slowed down completely. He suppressed his own urgency, iniaangkop ang bawat kilos sa inosente at naninibago kong katawan, hanggang sa ang kwarto ay tuluyan nang nilamon ng aming mabibigat at pagod na paghinga.

When the storm finally cleared, bumalik ang isang mabigat na katahimikan sa kwarto.

Tuluyan nang bumigay ang katawan ni Eros dahil sa pagod at alak. Lumipat ang bigat niya sa tabi ko, ngunit ang isang braso niya remained heavily draped over my waist as he fell into a deep, uninterrupted sleep. Sa tahimik na silid, only the rhythmic sound of his breathing echoed against the walls.

Nanatili akong nakahiga, walang galaw, barely even daring to take a full breath. Masakit ang katawan ko, but the hollow space widening inside my chest hurt infinitely more. I just stared at the dark, vast ceiling, ramdam na ranadam ang init ng asawa ng kapatid ko na nakadikit sa tabi ko.

I felt like a thief lying in the middle of a crime scene.

Tumingin ako sa kumot, knowing what morning light would reveal. Ano nang gagawin ko bukas? Naiyak kong tanong sa sarili ko sa dilim, a single tear escaping and dampening the pillow. Paano ko itatago ang mga bakas ng gabing ito kung ang puso ko mismo ang ayaw makalimot?