Chapter 22

Chapter 22: A Painful Talk

I didn't know if I was anxious because I would be training with Alpha Lawrence today or I was just worried because Calgary joined his Deltas last night to guard our territories. No matter how many times I rolled over my bed, I couldn't really bring myself to sleep. Maybe I was both anxious and worried, but despite the lack of sleep, I still got up before sunrise to prepare for my first day of training.

When I went down to get myself some coffee to wake me up, Alpha Lawrence was already in the kitchen, making himself some brewed coffee. As if he realized that I was planning to get myself some, he cleared his throat and saved a cup for me.

I pursed my lips as I walked the length towards the cupboard. My heart was going crazy with the silence enveloping us, and when I finally had the courage to glance his way, I spoke.

"G--Good morning, Alpha."

He paused from taking a sip but he didn't look at me. "Just because we're in Claivan doesn't mean I'll be nice during training. You know how I mold my wolves."

I couldn't find any traces of fear despite his words, as if I knew deep down my heart that his words were nothing but a cover up. If Calgary or Ahma talked to him about me, I think that somehow helped for him not to throw so much hate on me anymore.

The smell of freshly brewed coffee lingered in my nose. I realized I have a weird tradition to smell its aroma first before I bring it to my lips to take a sip. When I looked at Alpha Lawrence, I noticed that he was doing the same thing. Huh? Did I watch him drink his coffee when I was little? Probably. I loved following him around when I was younger no matter how much he tried to avoid me.

The spoon made a cling sound as I stirred my coffee while I secretly glances at Alpha Lawrence.

Despite his age, he is, without a doubt, a very good-looking man. His built was made for wars, but his face was carved to be worshipped. He has a slightly long brunette hair he likes running his fingers onto whenever he's getting pissed. His jaw was sharp and well-defined. His nose has a narrow bridge while his lower lip was slightly thicker than the upper one.

His eyes, however, has always been his best asset. It was too transparent with his emotions. It becomes a darker shade of brown when he's furious, and goes back to a lighter shade when he's just being cold and distant. I'd never seen him smile. None of us did since Mom had me. But I know he has a perfect set of pearl-white teeth he grits whenever he's mad at me.

I sat on the extra stool next to him then waited for him to shun me, but Alpha just sighed before he took a sip in his coffee. It made me smile a little, and when he saw the curve on my lips, his inky brows almost met.

"Are you making fun of me in that silly head of yours, little girl?"

Littl girl? What happened to the harsh petnames he used to call me?

I shook my head. "No, Alpha. I... I'm just happy you didn't pour your coffee on me just because I sat next to you."

He was stunned for a moment before he looked away, a flicker of guilt reflected in his brown eyes. "I never poured you anything hot. I just fucking beat you up so you'd toughen up, so once you realize that you can no longer stay in my village, you won't be an easy prey in the outside world."

Now it was me who froze on my spot as I felt a loud pang in my heart because of what he said. "You... did that to prepare me?"

I saw his jaw moved. "You know what happened to your mother. Yes, she was strong but she only knew how to fight as a she-wolf, not as a human. She died because her wolf was prevented from taking over, and she lacked the ability to defend herself even when she only had to rely on her human side. Once you go out there, you are expected to hide your identity. You are not permitted to show your real abilities as a she-wolf. If you cannot endure punches and kicks, you will never last out there."

I drew in a sharp breath. "I never told you I was gonna leave."

He sneered. "Everybody leaves me, girl. Your mother did. What's the guarantee that you wouldn't?"

A lump formed in my throat, suffocating me as my chest tightened. "She left because she wasn't ready to watch you suffer because of her--"

"Look at me right now? Look back in all those years I had to endure while she wasn't next to me? Didn't I suffer? Wasn't I in pain? It's still fucking the same. No." He flashed a painful smirk. "Living without your mother is worse than dying. If I choosing her over everything means I have to die, no matter how many times you bring me back in time, I'd still make the same call."

I sniffed when my eyes began to sting. This talk was even more painful than getting beaten up. I didn't know it would hurt this much. I thought I was already immune, yet here I was, watching my own heart break for Alpha Lawrence.

Silence filled the whole place until Alpha Lawrence released a heavy breath. "I checked on you every single night while you're asleep..." he confessed in a low voice.

My bloodshot eyes focused on him. "Why?"

A broken smile found its way to his lips. "Because every fucking bone I was breaking in your body, my heart breaks into a hundred more." His Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "I always visit your room to see if you already escaped, if you finally had enough, but you're more stubborn and strong-willed than I was when I was your age. You never left." His hands clenched. "You never chose to save yourself from me no matter how hard I beat you up." A tear rolled down his cheek as he met my eyes. "Why?"

My lower lip quivered as I flashed a weak smile. "Zenios... was home. No matter how painful it was to stay there, it was... it was home..." My voice broke. "And no matter how crazy it may sound I... I had faith that someday... someday your heart will finally heal... and the man my Mom fell deeply in love with... will finally come back. I looked forward to that day that I'd meet that version of you... and up until now, I'm still waiting..."

His eyes turned cold as his tears rolled down his cheeks. "Stop wasting your time, Nadine. That man you've been waiting for died the day I lost your Mom... and he will never come back unless Nimpha will..."

My throat tightened as I watched Alpha Lawrence leave the kitchen. When he was gone, my sobs came out and I hopelessly cried while begging the Moon Goddess to heal his heart.

The heart I knew would remain beating for my Mom until his lets out his last breath...