Chapter 26 – The Edge of Me

The seed was taking over.

I could feel the seed every second now like a second heartbeat that beat just a little out of rhythm with my own heartbeat. The seed did not shout at me anymore. The seed whispered to me. Constantly. The seed made suggestions that sounded almost like my own thoughts. The seed told me that the people around me do not really trust me. The seed said that they are waiting for me to fail. The seed asked me why I fight hard for people who spent years wishing I was dead.

I started avoiding the people around me.

During training I kept to the edges working alone or only with Damon. In the hall I sat quietly eating fast and leaving early. Even Lilas worried glances started to feel too heavy for me. I smiled at Lila when I could. The smiles felt fake to me stretched too thin.

Damon noticed everything that was happening to me.

He did not push me at first. He just stayed close to me. His hand was on my back when we walked. His arm was around me at night. He gave me kisses on my shoulder when he thought I was asleep.. I could feel Damons worry through the bond like a constant low hum. Damon was scared. Not of the enemy outside the walls. Damon was scared of what was happening inside me because of the seed.

One night I could not pretend anymore that everything was fine.

We were in bed the room dark except for the moonlight coming through the window. I had my head on Damons chest listening to his heartbeat trying to let it drown out the whispers of the seed. Damons fingers were stroking slowly through my hair like they always did. It usually helped me to relax. Tonight it did not help me.

"The seed is getting louder " I whispered to Damon.

Damons hand stilled for a second then kept moving. "Tell me what the seed is saying to you " Damon said.

I closed my eyes. "The seed tells me I should stop caring about the people around me. The seed says that the pack will turn on me eventually. The seed says that I am going to hurt you Damon. Sometimes I see it clearly in my mind... You on the ground blood everywhere and I am the one standing over you."

Damons arm tightened around me. I felt his heartbeat speed up under my cheek.

"The seed is lying to you " Damon said,. His voice was rough. "The seed does not know you. The seed does not know us."

"I know that the seed is lying when I am awake " I said. My voice cracked. ". In the dreams... The seed feels real to me. The seed feels like it is showing me the future. The seed feels like I am supposed to become something."

Damon shifted so he could look at me. He rolled us until I was on my back. He was leaning over me one hand braced beside my head. Damons eyes searched mine in the moonlight.

"You are not terrible " Damon said fiercely. "You are the person I have ever known. You survived me. You survived ten years of this pack treating you like nothing. You fought for us when you had every reason to run. The person you are is still there. I see that person every day when I look at you."

Tears slipped down the sides of my face. I did not try to stop the tears.

"What if that person is not enough to stop the seed?" I whispered to Damon.

"That person is enough " Damon said. "That person has me.. I am not going anywhere. No matter how loud the seed gets, no matter what the seed shows you I am going to be here reminding you who you are."

Damon leaned down and kissed me. The kiss was slow. The kiss was deep. The kiss was full of everything Damon felt for me. "I am going to remind you every day that you're strong " Damon said.

Damon kissed me again this time. The kiss was like Damon could push the darkness of the seed out with love alone. I kissed Damon back desperately my hands sliding into his hair pulling him closer to me. We moved together in the dark, slow and intense every touch saying the things we were too scared to say out. Stay with me. Do not let go of me. I am still here with you.

Afterward we lay tangled together sweaty and breathing hard. Damon kept one arm wrapped around me like he was afraid I would slip away in the night. Damons fingers traced patterns on my bare shoulder.

"I keep thinking about the night the bond snapped " Damon said quietly. "How angry I was. How I rejected you in front of everyone. I wish I could go back and punch myself in the face for what I did to you."

I let out a tired laugh. "I wanted to punch you for what you did to me."

"I know " Damon said. "I was scared. I was scared of how much I felt for you. I was scared of how weak the bond made me feel. I took it out on you because that was easier than admitting I was falling for the girl I had spent years hurting."

I turned my head to look at Damon. "And now?" I asked Damon.

"Now I can not imagine my life without you " Damon said simply. "You make me want to be better. You make me want to deserve this pack. You make me want to live, Isla. Not just lead the pack."

The tears came again. I let them fall onto Damons chest.

"I do not want to lose this " I whispered to Damon. "I do not want to lose you."

"You will not lose me " Damon said. "We are going to fight the seed inside you the way we fought the army. Together. One day at a time."

I nodded against Damon even though I was not sure I believed it completely.. I wanted to believe it. I needed to believe it.

We fell asleep like that. Damons heartbeat was under my ear. Damons arms were around me like armor. The bond was warm and bright, between us pushing back against the darkness of the seed.

The seed kept whispering to me.

Every night the seeds voice sounded a little more like my own voice.