Chapter 28 – The Quiet Before

The days after the ritual felt really normal which was almost worse than all the things that happened.

I woke up every morning with Damons arm around me his breath warm on the back of my neck and for a seconds everything felt okay. The bad thing inside me was still there a little knot behind my ribs but it was quieter now. Weaker. It did not. Give me bad dreams every night. It just waited. It whispered to me when I was tired or angry or alone. It said mean things that sounded like my thoughts.

They are watching you. Waiting for you to make a mistake.

Damon says he loves you. He will see the bad person you can be eventually.

I tried to ignore it every time. I focused on Damons heartbeat. On the way his fingers touched my skin when he thought I was asleep. On the connection between us that felt stronger since the ritual like our love had made some of the bad things go away.

The bad thing inside me was patient.

The fighting outside our walls was not.

We spent the week getting ready. We trained harder than ever. We made our walls stronger. We sent out people to gather information. Our group was different now. People looked at me differently. Not just with fear or surprise. With something closer to respect. Rafe trained with me every day smiling through the pain of his healing wounds. Lila followed me around asking me questions about changing into a wolf and the light. Even Marcus said hello when we saw each other in the halls. Small things.. They added up.

One afternoon I was in the training area with a group of wolves when the bad thing inside me struck again. Not hard. Just a cold whisper in the back of my mind while I was showing them something.

They will turn on you eventually. They always do.

My light went away for a second. I lost focus. One of the kids cried out as the glow dimmed fast.

I shook it off quickly. Smiled. "Sorry. Lets try that again."

Damon saw it from across the area. He always saw it.

That night after everyone had gone to bed we sat on the balcony again. The moon was almost full making everything look silver. Damon had his arms around me from behind his chin on my shoulder. His warmth was the thing that kept me from feeling cold.

"It tried again today " I said quietly.

"I know." His voice was low. "I felt it through our connection. You pushed it back."

"Barely." I leaned my head back against him. "Its getting smarter. It does not scream anymore. It just talks. Like it knows me."

Damons arms got tighter. "Because it does. It knows your fears. Your pain.. It does not know your strength. It does not know us."

I turned in his arms so I could face him. The moon made his face look softer. His eyes were tired. Worried. Full of love that still surprised me sometimes.

"I am scared I will hurt someone " I whispered. ". Worse. Hurt you."

"You will not." He touched my face with both hands his thumbs on my cheeks. "Because you are still fighting it. Every day.. I am right here with you. I am not going anywhere Isla. No matter how loud it gets."

He kissed me then.. Deep and full of everything we had been through. I kissed him back putting my fear and my love and my refusal to give up into it. His hands went under my shirt warm on my skin. I pressed closer needing him needing to remember that I was still me.

We ended up back in bed. Not rushed. Not desperate. Just honest. His mouth on my neck my fingers in his hair our connection open between us. Every touch felt like a promise. Every kiss felt like we were fighting against the thing inside me.

Afterward as we lay together breathing hard he held me close.

"I love you " he whispered against my hair. "All of you. The. The bad. The parts that are still healing. The parts that are still fighting. I love every piece."

I cried. I was so tired of crying. I let the tears come.

"I love you too " I whispered back. "Even when I am scared of myself. Especially then."

We fell asleep like that. His heartbeat under my ear. His arms around me like protection. Our connection humming warm and steady pushing back against the cold.

The bad thing inside me was still there.

The enemy outside our walls was getting closer.

The morning our scouts came back with bad news.

"They are gathering " Rafe said in the big hall his voice serious. "Not just the ones we fought before. More. From groups. They are calling it the Shadow Collective. They want my power. They think it belongs to them."

The room was quiet.

Marcus spoke up for the time in days. "We can not fight an army that big. Not head on."

I stood up slowly. The bad thing inside me whispered in the back of my mind. I pushed it down.

"Then we do not fight head on " I said. "We use what we have. Our connection. The light. Our group. We make them regret ever coming for us."

People nodded. Some looked scared. Some looked determined.

Damon stood beside me. His hand found mine under the table.

"We fight smart " he said. "We fight together."

The meeting went on for hours. We made plans. We talked about who would guard what. Who would stay with the children. By the time we finished my head was. The bad thing inside me was whispering again louder than before.

That night Damon and I barely made it to our room before I broke down.

I slid down the wall knees to my chest trying to breathe through the cold that felt like it was trying to swallow me

Damon knelt in front of me. He did not say anything at first. He just pulled me into his lap. Held me while I shook.

"I am still here " he whispered. "I am still here. You are still you."

I clung to him like he was the solid thing left in the world.

The bad thing inside me whispered that I would destroy everything I loved.

But Damons arms around me his voice in my ear his love pouring through our connection. They were louder.

For now.

The war was coming.

The bad thing, inside me was still fighting.

So were we.