Chapter 27 – The Ritual

The decision to do the ritual happened fast. We could not wait anymore. The seed was getting worse. It did not wait for me to be tired or distracted. It spoke to me during the day in the middle of conversations while I was eating while I was training. Sometimes it was a cold feeling. Sometimes it was a voice that sounded like mine saying things I did not want to think about. They are all waiting for you to fail. Damon says he loves you. He will leave when you become something he can not control. Why fight for people who never fought for you?

I started waking up in the middle of the night with my hands around my throat like I was trying to stop the whispers from coming out. Damon would wake up with me every time pulling my hands away gently holding me until the shaking stopped. He never got angry. He never looked at me like I was broken. He just held me. Whispered that he was there that I was still me that we would beat this.. I could see the fear in his eyes when he thought I was not looking.

One night after another episode where I almost shifted in my sleep and nearly hurt Damon I sat up in bed and said the words we had both been avoiding. I want to do the ritual. Tomorrow. Damon sat up beside me. The moonlight coming through the window made his face look tired and sharp. He did not argue. He just reached out. Took my hand holding our fingers together. Are you sure? he asked quietly. I nodded. I can not keep doing this. I feel like I am disappearing a little more every day. If we do not try now there might not be anything left of me to save.

He was quiet for a time. Then he pulled me into his lap. Held me close my head tucked under his chin. His arms were strong around me. I could feel the slight tremble in them. I am scared he admitted. His voice was low almost broken. Mara said the ritual is dangerous. It might hurt you. It might make the seed fight back harder. I can not stand the thought of watching you in pain. I pressed my face into his neck. I know.. I am more scared of what I will become if we do not try. I do not want to hurt you. I do not want to hurt the pack. I need to do this.

He held me tighter. Then we do it together. No matter what happens I am there with you. We did not sleep much after that. We just lay there holding each other talking in voices about everything and nothing. He told me stories from when he was younger the ones that made him human instead of the cruel Alpha I used to know. I told him about the dreams I had before everything changed, about wanting a life where I was not invisible. We did not talk about what might happen if the ritual failed. We did not need to. The fear was already there between us not crushing.

Morning came soon. Mara was waiting for us in a stone chamber deep under the pack house one that was rarely used. The air was cool and damp, smelling of earth and herbs. Candles burned in a circle on the floor. Old scrolls were spread out on a table. Mara looked smaller than usual her face lined with worry. This ritual is old she said as we entered. Older than most of our records. It uses the mate bond as an anchor. Your love for each other will be the light that burns the seed out.. It will hurt. The seed will fight. It may show you things designed to break you. You must hold onto each other no matter what you see.

Damon nodded. His hand never left mine. I am ready I said. Mara had us sit in the center of the candle circle facing each other. Damon took both my hands in his. Our knees touched. The bond between us felt bright and alive like it knew what was coming. Close your eyes Mara said.. Whatever happens do not let go. I closed my eyes. The ritual began with chanting. Maras voice was low and steady speaking words in a language I did not understand. Then I felt it. A pull inside my chest like something was being tugged out. The seed reacted immediately. The cold exploded into something vicious. Pain ripped through me like fire in my veins.

I. Gripped Damons hands tighter. Images flooded my mind. Not just memories this time. Nightmares made real. I saw Damon turning away from me disgust in his eyes. I saw the pack burning because of my power. I saw myself standing alone in the ashes laughing with a voice that was not mine. The seed whispered that this was my destiny that I was always meant to destroy that love was a weakness I needed to shed. I cried out. My body arched in pain. Damons voice cut through the darkness. I am here. I am here. I love you. Stay with me.

His words were like an anchor. I held onto them onto his hands onto the bond that felt like a rope of light between us. The pain got worse. It felt like the seed was tearing me apart from the inside. I screamed. My wolf howled with me. Damons grip never wavered. You are not destruction. You are my mate. You are the woman who forgave me. You are the one who fights for this pack. Come back to me. I focused on his voice. On his love. On every memory we had managed to build in the middle of all this chaos. The way he held me after the battle. The way he kissed my scars. The way he looked at me like I was worth fighting for.

The seed screamed inside me. It fought hard showing me things showing me Damon dead because of me showing me the pack turning on me.. I held on. I pushed back with everything I had. White light began to pour out of me. Not the gentle glow from training. This was bright, almost blinding. It filled the chamber. Maras chanting grew louder. The pain reached a peak. I felt like I was being torn in two. Then something snapped. The cold shattered. The seed screamed one time and then... It was gone. Not completely. A small piece remained, weak and quiet. The worst of it was burned away.

I collapsed forward into Damons arms. He caught me holding me tight against his chest whispering my name over and over. You did it he said, voice thick with relief. You did it love. It is weaker now. I can feel it. I was shaking. Tears were streaming down my face.. I was still me. The whispers were quieter. The cold was still there. It felt smaller. Manageable. Mara looked exhausted but relieved. The bond saved you. Love is stronger than the darkness.. The seed is not gone completely. It will try to grow. You must keep fighting it every day.

I nodded weakly. I will. Damon helped me stand. My legs were shaky. I could walk. He kept his arm around me the way back to our quarters. Once we were inside he locked the door. Pulled me into bed without a word. He held me for a time. No talking. His arms around me his heartbeat under my ear his fingers stroking my hair. I was so scared he admitted eventually. When you screamed... When the light got so bright I could not see you... I thought I was going to lose you. I was scared too I whispered.. You kept me here. Your voice. Your love. It was stronger than the seed.

He kissed the top of my head. We are going to beat the rest of it. One day at a time. Together. I believed him. That night we made love again. Slower than ever. Full of relief and gratitude and the quiet joy of being here. Every touch felt like a victory. Every kiss felt like coming home. Afterward as I lay in his arms drifting toward sleep I felt the seed stir weakly inside me. It whispered one time. You can not win forever. I smiled in the dark. Pressed closer to Damon. Watch me I thought back. The war outside was still coming.. Inside me the real fight had just begun.. This time I was not fighting alone. The ritual was over. The fight was far, from over. I knew that I would have to face the seed and I was ready. I had Damon. I had myself.. Together we would win.