"Look at the camera, Babe. Give me a fierce look..." Brenan's voice made me back from my reverie.
Brenan is a photographer at the same time a friend and my manager. Sa ilang taon na kasama ko siya bilang photographer/manager sanay na ako sa pagtawag tawag niya sa akin ng babe. Pati ang ibang staff sanay na rin sa kanya. Brent is a filipino-american, magkakasundo kaming dalawa dahil kahit matanda siya sa akin ng ilang taon he treated me like his equal, hindi niya ako tinuturing na bata. Marunong din siyang managalog at gaya ko lumaki din siyang hindi umaasa sa mga magulang niya.
Simula ng dumating ako dito sa Italy kung ano-anong trabaho ang pinasok ko. I did that to prove to my parents that I can be independent to them. Na kayang kong suportahan ang aking sarili.
"Wala kang mararating sa katigasan ng ulo Ezra. If I know gusto mo lang doon sa Italy dahil doon libre kang gawin kung anong mga kalokohan mo. You really are a brat. Wala ka na ngang naiambag dito sa pamilya puro pasaway ka pa."
I don't know where all these coming from. I've been a nice sister to Ate Ehra, never akong sumagot sa kanya. I have high respect for her since she's older than me. Kaya hindi ko inaasahan na sabihin niya ito sa akin.
"Ginawa mo pang alibis ang sakit ni mamita. You're such a disgrace to this family. Remember this, you'll comeback crawling here. You don't know how hard life is, Ezra Monique." That's Ate Ehra's parting words to me five years ago. And since then we haven't talk to each other.
I could still remember how my parents hated me after Ate Ehra said those words. Muntik pa akong di matuloy. And then after a year of staying in Italy , binawasan ni Daddy ang allowance na pinapadala niya sa akin for unknown reason. But it's okay I didn't ask him. That time I already started doing part time jobs to earn my own money. Lola Raquel is also giving me money but I am not taking it. Kahit yung pera na pinapadala ni Daddy sa akin hindi ko na rin ginalaw.
During my first two years, I worked as a waiter, a cleaner, cashier at naging assistant pastry chef din ako. I also became a part time print ad model for toothpaste, shampoo, cologne and some other wholesome stuffs. But when I reached eighteen, I venture into being a lingerie model and I am enjoying it for three years now.
"Good shot, Babe. Give me a seductive look this time. Look at the side and tilt your head a bit." muling instruction ni Brenan sa akin.
I followed what he said. I gave him a seductive and fierce look, parted my lips a bit and tilted my head on the side. I know what exactly he wants from me. Kabisado ko na ang mga anggulong gustong kunan ni Brenan sa akin kapag ganito ang sinu-shoot namin.
I met Brenan three years ago and he's the one who offered me this job as a lingerie model. At first I was hesitant because this is not the job I want. But he convinced me that he'll take care of me and my career at simula nun siya na ang namamahala sa career ko dito sa Italy at sa ibang bansa.
He has his own team, from the lighting staffs, make up artist, hairstylist na madali ding pakisamahan. We work like a family, we work as a team. With them I found a new home. Kay Brenan ko din pinagkatawila ang career ko dahil alam kong hindi niya ako epi-pressure. I'm doing my work as model but my main priority is my studies and he helps me with that. Now, I am in my last year of my pre-law course.
Yes, I'm planning to pursue my dream as a lawyer. Hindi lang halata na gusto kong maging abugada pero mula maliit pa ako yun talaga ang pangarap ko.
"We'll take a break for video shoot." anunsiyo ni Brenan. Isa-isang lumapit sa akin ang make up artist at hairstylist at ni-retouch ako. May staff ding nag-abot ng roba pambalot sa katawan ko.
We're shooting for a new line of lingerie ng isang sikat na brand at sunset by the beach ang ilan sa dapat naming kuhanan. Ngayong araw na ang last shooting day namin at nilalamig na ako. I've been exposed for hours now. Ilang palit na din ako ng bikinis. Basang basa na ang buong katawan ko ng tubig dagat at ang mahinang hampas ng alon sa aking katawan ay lalong nakakadagdag sa lamig na nararamdaman ko.
Idagdag mo pa na pakiramdam ko parang may ibang nakatingin sa akin sa paligid. This is a private beach na nirentahan ni Brenan for this shooting pero feeling ko kanina pa may nakamasid sa akin.
Sanay naman na ako na minsan may mga nanood kapag nagpo-photoshoot kami pero iba ang pakiramdaman ko ngayon.
"Okay girls, move we'll start shooting."
Mabilis na umalis ang staffs na nag-aasist sa akin. At agad din akong bumalik sa pwesto ko sa tabing dagat na sakto lang para sa magandang kuha na gusto ni Brenan.
"Bend your body more babe and tilt your head." Sigaw ni Brenan.
Nakaluhod ako habang ang dalawang kamay ay nakahawak sa basang buhok ko. Nakaliyad ang aking katawan at bahagyang nakatingala ang aking ulo. Ang alon ay humahampas sa aking katawan habang kinukunan ako ng video ni Brenan.
I can feel the cold wind touching my body. I 'm wearing a silver metallic clear straps micro bikini which exposing my sexy body and my butt cheek. I don't know if still in place because of the waves that crashing but I don't care at all, I want it to finish quickly. I'm not comfortable anymore. I'm exhausted and I don't like this feeling that someone is looking at me. This is so far, my most daring photoshoot.
"Good job, Babe. Good job!" Brenan continue as he continue rolling the videos. Patuloy lang din ako sa pagpo-pose habang pinapaikutan ako ni Brenan. Pati siya ay basang-basa na din. At nang makuntento na ito sa mga kuha niya sa akin, saka pa ito nagdeklarang tapos na ang shoot.
Mabilis na lumapit sa akin ang ang staff na may dalang roba at agad niya itong binalot sa katawan ko. Ang make-up artist ko ay mabilis din umalalay sa akin. Isa din ito sa mga gusto ko sa team ni Brenan, they know how to take care of their models. Pinaupo nila ako sa sun lounger at binigyan ng meryenda pero wala ako sa mood na kumain o uminom man lang. Nilalamig ako dahil basa ang katawan ko. Kailangan kong magbihis agad kundi magkakasakit na naman ako.
"Do you want to see your shots? You look so hot an gorgeous, Babe." Brenan said while looking at the photos he took. Pinakita niya pa sa akin yung litrato kong sensual na nakatingin sa camera at nakahawak sa leeg habang bahagyang nakanganga ang mga labi.
"This is so hot, Ezra. I Like this one." he's all praises. Minsan sa sobrang papuri ni Brenan sa akin feeling ko binobola niya na ako. But he said he really find me beautiful. And by the way Brenan is a straight guy. I just don't know if he's in a realtionship right now or single.
"Wow this one is so perfect. What do you think?" He showed me another photo...sexier and fiercer amd more daring photo.
I just smiled at him. Kailangan ko na talagang magpalit. Hindi na ako komportable sa pakiramdam kong may nanood sa akin, dagdagan pa na sobrang lamig na talaga.
"I trust your taste Bre. Just send me the copies. Thank you for this day. I have to go."
Pagkatapos kong magpaalam sa kanya dumiritso na ako sa silid ko. I just took a quick shower and fixed myself. Saktong natapos akong ayusin ang sarili ng biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko.
It's Dad, calling but I didn't answer him. The last time we talk pinagalitan niya na naman ako. Hindi ko alam kung anong balita na naman ang nakarating sa kanya doon at tumawag lang ito para pagalitan ako.
I almost memorize his words for me. Kesyo ganito, kesyo ganun. Bakit hindi ko gayahin si Ate Ehra...si Ate Ehra ganito, si Ate Ehra ganun. Ang layo ng achievement ko kay Ate Ehra...na mabuti pa siya may naitutulong sa pamilya.
Bakit kong tutulong ba ako pakikinggan nila ako? Maniniwala ba sila sa kakayahan ko? Until now they don't see my potential? They only see me as a brat na matigas ang ulo at suwail na anak. That's it.
Ni hindi nga nila alam kung anong mga pangarap ko. Kung anong gusto kong marating sa buhay. Kung ayos lang ba ako o kung humihinga pa? Dahil minsan hindi naman sila nagtanong sa akin.
Is it my fault to be born in this world? Hindi ko naman hiniling sa kanilang ipanganak nila ako pero mukhang kasalanan ko pa.
Agh! Too much with this bitterness in life. Pasalamat nalang ako at nandyan si Lola Raquel. Kaya kung anoman itong narating ko ngayon it's all because of Lola. I owe it all to her.
I was about to return my phone inside my bag when another notification popped up. It's a message from dad. Hindi ko sana ito papansinin pero sunod-sunod na pumasok ang mga mensahe niya sa akin. Mukhang nainis si Daddy at tinadtad niya na ako ng mensahe.
Napilitan akong buksan ang mga mensahe niya para sa akin na hindi ko na sana ginawa. Alam ko na 'to e, nararamdaman ko na. Dito rin naman kami papunta pinatagal niya pa.
At sa dami ng pinadalang mensahe ni Dad sa akin isa lang ang tumatak sa utak ko. Ang pinaka ayaw kong gawin sa lahat.
"Quit messing around, Ezra Monique. Umuwi ka na dito sa Pilipinas."
"Brenan what—?"Lalabas na sana ako sa room na inookopa ko para umuwi ng mabungaran ko si Brenan sa labas ng pintuan. He was about to knock at the door when I opened it. Naiwan pa nga sa ere ang kamay niya.Nakabihis na ito at handa na rin atang umuwi pero mukhang nagkaproblema sa damit na suot niya."What happened to your shirt? Why are you wet?" tanong ko habang sinisipat ang t-shirt na suot niya.Mukhang natapunan siya ng juice dahil ang kulay puting t-shirt niya ay nagkaroon ng dilaw na mantsa mula dibdib pababa."Can I come inside, Babe? I just want to change my shirt if it's fine with you. Sinauli ko na kasi ang susi doon sa caretaker."Alangan pa ang mukha niya nung sabihin yun. Kahit naman kasi close kami ni Brenan hindi ito basta nalang pumapasok sa silid ko ng hindi nagpapaalam. He always respects my privacy and he's a true gentleman. Kelanman hindi ito naging bastos sa akin."But if your uncomfortable, it's fine—""No problem, Bre, it's okay with me. Come on, pasok ka." Nil
Dear Ezra Monique, my budding family lawyer,I know you have a lot of emotions running through you the time you will be reading this letter. The same feeling I felt when your lolo died, but I was much older at the time that I I know life is like this. Life happens and so is death, so I really can't begin to truly comprehend what you are feeling, apo. Ezra, want to tell you that I am so incredibly sorry that I had to die while you are so young. I did absolutely everything I could to stay alive for as long as possible. But my battle has to end here. I wish I could extend more because I really want to see you reach your dream. I want to see my Ezra Monique in the court room defending her clients, fighting a battle that a good lawyer does.I am incredibly proud of you for everything you have done in your life. I will be watching over you every day to see what new and exciting things you will accomplish. I will be watching over you all the time, or at least I hope I can still let you fe
"Ezra Monique! Wake up! What the hell are you doing with your life, you brat!?"Ano ba naman yan galit na naman si Dad? He must be so mad at me dahil kahit sa panaginip ko sinisigawan niya pa rin ako. Tama nga ang hinala ko kagabi, plastikan lang yung kabaitang pinakita niya sa mga kasosoyo niya sa negosyo.Akala ko pa naman sincere na yung pagiging proud niya sa akin. Yun pala parte lang ng pag-arte niya. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit mainit ang ulo ni Dad sa akin. Is it because my lola left me everything? I wasn't expecting all than in the first place. Hindi naman ako pumuntang Italy para alagaan siya dahil after ako sa kayamanan niya. Wala akong balak na angkinin lahat ng yun, ni hindi ko pinakialaman. Kapag naging abugada na ako, ako mismo ang maghati-hati sa kayamanang iniwan ni Lola sa akin at ibibigay ko sa mga anak niya. I will divide it fair and equal among my tito's and tita's. Hindi ko din ibibigay lahat kay Dad kahit na siya pa ang panganay."I'm
"I DISOWN YOU. Leave and disappear." Dad's voice is like a thunder that strike directly to my heart. I was hoping that Mom would counter what he said but that didn't happen. When I looked at them, they all look at me like they were disgusted. I was about to stand but someone stopped me. "Stay." He said, holding my wrist. I looked at him. I couldn't read any emotion in his eyes but I can feel the danger inside it. It's just a one word coming from him but it silence everyone. He's jaw was clenching when he look at my family one by one. Ate Ehra looked shock, lalo na ng makita niya ang paghawak ni Tristan sa palapulsuhan ko. The way he held my wrist, it's like he's holding his possession that no one can take away from him. Hindi ito masikip ngunit hindi rin maluwang na madali kong kalasin. Gulat ang mukha nilang tatlo. Kahit ako nagulat din. I didn't expect him to do that since he was just silent from the start. I saw Dad's jaw clenched and mom started throwing daggers at me. "I
Trigger warning: Read responsibly.________________________________What am I gonna do with my life now?"La, anong gagawin ko ngayon?" tears started rolling down my cheek as soon as I stepped foot inside my hotel room. I've been asking myself why I have to fell all these. Am I not a good daughter? I've been trying my best since I was small to please them pero balewala din pala dito lang din pala matatapos ang lahat.I'm such a disappointment after all.I was crying hard, that I could hardly breath. Ang sakit-sakit sa dibdib ngayong nagsink in na sa utak ko na mag-isa na lang pala ako. I felt like my heart and my mind is getting numb. I am still alive but I felt like I'm a dead man that no one wanted me. Gusto kong ibuhos lahat ng luha ko pero wala na atang katapusan ang pagpapasakit kong ito. Dinig sa buong silid ang mga hagulhol ko na kahit akong na nakikinig sa sarili kong iyak ay nasasaktan na rin. Pakiramdam ko namamanhid na ako sa sakit. Wala na akong lakas na gumalaw. "La,
"Why is Angelo not allowed to come inside the building, Nate? What if hindi tayo dumating? Kung may nangyaring masama sa manugang ko mananagot silang lahat sa akin.""That's the policy of the hotel Tita.""I don't care about the policy, Nathaniel. Alam na ba ni Angelo ang nangyari sa asawa niya?""He was here before my men brought him to the precinct, Tita. He saw what happened to his wife and he's mad as fuck. Gusto pang bumalik ni gago sa mga Villaflor pero dinala na siya ng mga tauhan ko. Baka kasi matuluyan pa ni--""Good for them ng magtanda." Maldita nitong sabi. "But still I'm not happy with what he did. Where was he the whole time? Why did he allow this to happen?" " He said was there Tita. He even talked to Miss Villaflor but she didn't want. Then later he talked to her parents but it didn't turn out well so he left. He followed her immediately but Miss Villaflor informed the guard and the reception not to let anyone go to her room. Tinawagan ko lang po si Tito Monroe para
"Good morning, Ezra. Welcome to Isla Belle Marie."Isang baritonong boses ang nagpatigil sa akin sa pagtingin-tingin sa paligid. Paglingon ko ang kulay tsokolateng mga mata nung lalaking naka man-bun ang bumungad sa akin. His body built, his height and his voice is familiar. If I'm not mistaken he's the same man I met in Italy few years back. Malawak ang palakaibigang ngiti nitong binigay sa akin. He looks friendly but he maintained his distance from me. "Hi! I'm William, I will be happy if you call me Kuya. Pero mas maging masaya ang peanut ko pag nalaman niyang nagkita tayo ulit." Inilahad niya ang kamay sa akin pero agad ding binawi. "Ay wag na palang magshake hands bawal, may magagalit."Nagtataka akong tumingin sa kanya, naguguluhan sa kung anong mga sinabi. Tumingin pa ako sa paligid pero wala naman akong ibang taong nakikita. Sinong peanut kaya ang tinutukoy niya at sino naman ang magagalit?"Anyway, andito ako para masiguro kong maayos na ba ang pakiramdaman mo. Pasensya pal
"Nak, good morning! Sorry to disturb you this early, I just want ask if nagawi ba si Angelo dyan sa isla? Tumakas kasi dito sa ospital kagabi. Nakatulog lang ako saglit, pagkagising ko ako na yung nakahiga sa ospital bed niya."I continued my early jog along the beach after fighting with the brute when Mrs. Gonzales called me. Nag-aalangan pa akong sagutin ang tawag niya dahil sa encounter namin ng anak niya pero naisipan kong baka may importante itong sasabihin sa akin. Pangalawang tawag na ni Mrs. Gonzales sa akin dahil hindi ko napansin yung unang tawag niya. I was pre-occupied with what just happened between me and her son kaya hindi ko napansin na may tumatawag na pala sa akin. I can't still understand why is he here. Ang lakas ng loob niyang magpakita sa akin pagkatapos ng lahat."I'm worried about him, hindi namin siya mahanap kagabi pa. Ang daddy niya hanggang ngayon wala pang tulog kakahanap. Wala din naman sa presinto. Tsinek ng pinsan niya ang cctv ng hospital, nakita niya