Chapter 33: Decision

Megan's POV

I wouldn't say I liked the idea that Ashton Pritzgold was inside my property, and worse, he was teaching my son the basics of football. I admit my brother could be right when he told me there’s a possibility that Axel wanted to play football because of him and not because of Axel's father. But right now, as I watched them passing the ball back and forth, I can't deny to myself that my son got his interest in playing football from his father, and I can't deny Axel was having fun while he listened to his dad's every word.

I was still on the front porch watching them, still clutching the paper bag with my right hand, and I hated myself for still remembering the sparks I felt when Ashton touched my wrist. I could still feel the tingling sensation from his touch. I should clarify with Ashton that he is not welcome here anymore because I know once I allow him to come and visit my son anytime he wants, my life will never be the same again.

I wonder what’s inside the paper bag, but I don't want to look at it because I'm afraid I won't be able to deny to him that Axel is his son. I know it was a big mistake to tell Ashton that Gael was the father of my little boy. I know it would be unfair to Gael, but I'm sure he would love to tell Ashton that Axel is our son, and it would make him so happy because he begged me to take his family name before I gave birth to my son.

And at the moment, I don't think I want to take back what I told Ashton because there is no way he can prove that Axel is his son unless we have a paternity test. I'm still angry with him, and I don't think it’s time for him to know the truth. But I can't ignore the laughter of my son, and even if I wanted to beg Ashton to leave now, I can't do that to my little boy. I am his mother, and it would break my heart to see him sad, especially now that Gael has gotten so busy with work.

I couldn't even believe that after meeting Ashton at the mall for the first time in eight years, I was able to write one whole song with complete lyrics. I could tell Gael would love the melody, but it means I had to hurt his feelings once again when he realizes the song was for Ashton.

And I couldn't deny that I dedicated all the songs I’ve written to my ex. Gael knew—even though I hadn't communicated with Ashton for a long time—I was still able to compose songs for him, and he didn't complain. Still, I could see the pain every time he read my new music, but he couldn't do anything about it since he was earning a decent amount of money because of my songs.

"Wow! You are fantastic, Axel!" I heard Ashton yell from the ground, and when I raised my head, my son was running to him and hugged Ashton for telling him he was a fast learner.

"It's time for breakfast, Megan," Clara said, and I looked at her worriedly.

"Don't worry, Megan, you’re doing great, and I think you’ll survive one breakfast with your ex. Even if I can tell no woman can resist his charm—he is indeed so handsome in person—no wonder a lot of celebrities got broken-hearted," Clara responded. I realized she understood what I was trying to tell her just by looking at the expression on my face.

"I don't want to invite Ashton to have breakfast with us, but since he arrived so early, I assume he hasn't had any breakfast yet, and I know it would be rude if I asked him to leave while he was making my son so happy," I declared, and Clara gave me a beautiful smile. I told her that we would be having breakfast on the porch since there was no way I would allow Ashton inside my house.

"Please tell the kitchen staff to bring the food here on the front porch because we’ll eat here outside," I said to Clara.

"That would be lovely, Megan," she replied before heading back inside the house.

It was too tempting to open the paper bag, but my mind kept reminding me not to, so I put it aside on a nearby chair while I opened the email I received from Alice. It was about the inclusions for our three-day retreat, and I smiled as I read the package. I realized it was interesting after all, and I know my best friend was aware I needed this retreat to relax my mind and enjoy nature.

Alice knew I needed this weekend getaway. I smiled when I realized we would have some meditation with resident masters who have decades of meditation experience. We would go swimming in the nearby spring, and just reading about it already made me feel excited.

There were so many activities we could participate in, and I was smiling like an idiot because I couldn't contain my excitement. I was still reading my email when I suddenly felt someone looking at me. When I raised my head, I found Ashton staring at me with such intensity that it made my entire body feel weak.

"Where is Axel?" I asked while the smile on my lips turned into a grimace, as I didn't want him to keep looking at me that way. I couldn't deny he was igniting something in me. I don't need to feel this emotion because it would be so wrong, knowing he’s getting married to his beautiful and wealthy fiancée.

"Megan, you’ll always be beautiful, especially when you’re smiling, and I hate that every time you look at me, you need to shift from being so happy to being angry. I know you have the right to hate me and be angry with me, but please—I came in peace. And I’m here, willing to do whatever punishment you want. Say it, and I’ll do it for you. All I want is to ask for your forgiveness, Megan," he said, and I could feel Ashton was serious with his words.

"Are you sure? You’ll do whatever I ask you to do?" I asked, and he nodded his head at me.

"I can't say if I can forgive you, Ashton. You don’t know how much I suffered after you broke up with me that day. It was so easy for you to decide that our relationship was over, and you told me you were so at peace knowing I was no longer part of your damn good life," I said, and his face turned pale.

"Meg, if I could only turn back time..." he said and trailed off.

"What, Ashton? I’ll tell you what—you can never turn back time, and you can never take back what you said. It will be forever in my memory, and it will take magic before you can make all the pain and anguish I felt disappear. Do you know that even hearing your name pains me and causes me too much agony?" I said, and he moved closer to me, but I stopped him by raising my hand.

"Just stay where you are, Ashton. All I want to know is if you mean every damn word you say—that you’re willing to do whatever I ask you to do," I said.

"Of course, you can ask me anything, Megan, and I’ll do it in a heartbeat—except one thing," he replied, and I couldn't stop raising my eyebrow. I half-laughed.

"Wow, you have the guts to ask for an exception when you’re asking me to forgive you. You don’t have any right to demand even a single request, Ashton," I said. I could feel the anger inside me, and I was trying my best to control my emotions. This is usually the part of the day when I smile as I face the sunrise, but right now, I couldn't stop myself from feeling so unhappy, remembering the pain and injuries he had inflicted on me.

"Megan, you can ask me anything—except one thing—and that is to stop loving you. You might call me crazy, but I still love you. Please don't ask me for something I know I can't do," he said, and I was taken aback by his words. I didn't expect him to tell me he was still in love with me, and I became angrier as I realized—how could he say he loves me when he’s getting married?

"How dare you tell me that now? It’s too late for you, Ashton. And if you want my forgiveness, my rule is simple: stop making my life a living hell. I want you to disappear because I don’t want to see you ever again, and if you do that, maybe I can forgive you," I said, and his face fell. Before he could reply, Axel came with a chessboard in his hand.

Ashton smiled genuinely at our son, and I was impressed by how fast he could change his expression for Axel’s sake. And I wonder if I made the right decision, but I know if I give him another chance, he’ll shatter my heart once again. I need to do this, and I have to be strong for both Axel and me.