Chapter 04

Sage's Pov

The worse part wasn't how frequently I thought of him.

But the fact that it was starting to feel like a normal thing.

The way his soothing voice settled in my head, his beautiful eyes and his smile, I found myself reminiscing on such things.

And that was what scared me.

I was falling too deep and if I don't pull myself out now maybe I never will.

I laid on my bed, it was a sunny Saturday and as usual my parents weren't in the country.

Pauline begged me to come hang out with her, I didn't want to, but I had to. Since there was no practice today, I had been blowing her off lately and I feel really bad.

“Hey girl", Pauline pushed open the door.

Speak of the devil.

I sat on my bed watching her with a smile as she did a silly dance.

I wanted to ask how she got in but I knew better, she was practically family.

“Why arent you ready", she stopped dancing and had a serious look on her face.

“Ready for", I asked knowing exactly what she was talking about.

“Cant you see", she pointed to her body where she had on a swimsuit, robe, and a huge hat.

“Well I'm not going anywhere dressed like that".

“You don't have a choice now do you", she said as she started raiding my walking closet.

I stood there watching her. "You know I don't even like the beach."

She turned, a surprised look on her face. "Since when?"

"Pauline I'm not that girl anymore," I said in a low voice.

She left what she was doing and walked towards me. "Sage, you used to be the life of the party. I know you don't have that confidence you used to have and it's alright, but you can't stay cooped up in your room while the rest of us are out there having fun."

I love Pauline, she was such a good friend, and like the sister I never had. But the fact that I couldn't get her father off my mind haunted me, and I felt so guilty.

"Okay okay, you win."

She squirmed with excitement.

We finally settled on a black bikini.

And Pauline was right, I used to be the life of the party. Everyone wanted to have my life rich, an athlete and there was never a shortage of boys in my DMs.

But somewhere along the line I lost that version of myself the version who liked parties, laughed loudly, and believed the world was hers for the taking.

Now… I'm just barely holding on.

"Go change," Pauline tossed the bikini at me.

I rolled my eyes, making a weird face at her before going into the bathroom. I held up the bikini and sighed.

This wasn't me anymore.

I changed and stared at the mirror. This girl staring back although she was beautiful

was a stranger.

I walked out, forcing a smile. Pauline whistled and clapped. "There she is, my girl!"

I laughed. "Don't push it."

She dragged me by the hand. "Let's go before you change your mind."

We grabbed our bags and headed out the door.

Maybe today wasn't going to be that bad the warm sun on my skin soothing. At least this was a way to get my mind off him, for a little while.

When we got to the beach, everywhere was already packed some people I knew, some I didn't.

Everyone from school kept staring at me, and the murmurs started, but I didn't mind. I was here for Pauline. That was all that mattered.

I sat and watched as Pauline played in the sand like a little kid. I saw my teammates from afar, but I didn't approach them.

Pauline and I talked, laughed we had a lot to catch up on that I hadn't realized until now. I really missed our girls' hangout days.

It was starting to get dark, and that was when the party started fully. There were drinks, music, lots of activities that I would usually jump at, but now I just sat and watched.

"Can we go home now?" I asked.

"Hell no, it's just ten! We're staying till midnight," Pauline said, and I knew there was no changing her mind.

I sighed, leaning back on the chair as I watched the bonfire. People were dancing, laughing, living and I felt out of place.

Pauline nudged me with her shoulder.

"At least have a drink, even if it's one."

I gave her a look. "You know how that ends."

"Wow, look at you acting all responsible," she laughed.

"You were usually the one I'd have to drag from every party, drunk and singing off-key."

I rolled my eyes, the corner of my mouth lifting slightly.

"Before I forget," Pauline started, "since my dad is back in town, I’m working on a plan to get him and my mom back together."

"Wow, that's amazing," I forced a smile. I should've been happy for Pauline and her family, but I wasn't.

Was Andrew in support of getting back together with his ex-wife? I thought.

Of course that's what he wanted he would do anything for Pauline.

I looked away, pretending to be interested in what was happening around the bonfire. The warmth on my skin did not ease the cold I felt in my chest.

Pauline didn’t notice. She kept going on and on about her brilliant plan. “I was thinking we could set up a surprise date at that café they used to love something romantic and casual, you know?”

I nodded, trying to act normal. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

She smiled, her eyes filled with so much hope and determination. “I just know if they talk things out, they’ll realize they still love each other.”

I smiled as the words rang bitter in my ears. “Yeah, for sure they will.”

I wanted to be happy for Pauline. I tried, I forced myself, but I couldn't. I took the drink she kept for me, letting the taste distract me.

What the hell was I thinking? Andrew and his wife were married for years before the divorce, and people who loved each other that much will always find their way back.

I was just the one left in the middle, confused and hurt.

"Thank you so much, Sage, for always having my back. I love you." Her words broke me. I was such a bad person.

"Alright, enough sulking," she dragged me up. "Come, let's go dance."

I followed her, drank and drank, dancing and laughing loudly. I wanted to forget all she had just said, but alcohol couldn't help.

I had fallen in too deep.