Twelve Weeks and Counting

Bella

The heartbeat on the monitor definitely looked like a question I would never have the answer to yet.

I was tired of ignoring myself. I realised I did them after I had the discussion with Alex. I knew I only fed his curiosity. I only gave him tips.

After he left the house for his usual routine in the morning. I couldn't say which it was because he started acting up. He wanted to be unpredictable.

I decided to mirror his own actions for the benefit of my child.

The weather looked as daring as it did on the night I opened my freaking legs to a stranger. Goosebumps raised my skin as I threw my clothes on myself and wore random shoes in the bid of leaving the house to a clinic.

I needed to have backup.

Honestly, the last time I knew I was really pregnant was when I got the test results at my door. I remember, it was a bad disaster.

I needed to be sure that inside me was really a fetus. The thought of it naff my heart beat a thousand times over and it left me catching my breath.

It left me with cold hands and feet with me feeding the drama that everything was okay.

It was a clinic downtown, and I found it in the maps.

I couldn't bet my stars that it was a good spot, but by now, everyone was going to know I'm Alex Blackwood's wife.

I ordered a taxi, and missed the steps to quicken my pace, and just then, I was halted by the shadow I saw at the rear end.

Before I could move backwards, the shadow moved closer and closer.

“Hello, Ma’am?” She was stunned herself. My attire was random and I looked nervous.

“Ohh, it's you. I was startled,” I chuckled away the fear I got from the shadow earlier.

The fear of not letting her have any serious suspicions.

“I'm sorry about that. I just returned from spinning the laundry,” she explained with her hands clasped together.

Ohh! She was so humble. Only time could tell which she was.

“I am heading out urgently for a business meeting. You can make lunch and dinner when I return. For now, I'm in a hurry,” I uttered, making my way towards the door while holding my breath all in.

She didn't have to know.

I reached out to grab the door knob and I felt the pearls of sweat rolling down my face.

“And you don't need the driver?” She asked at that last minute.

“I told you I'm in a hurry,” I replied nicely, but with so much urgency in my turn. The type is enough for her to look away.

Before she could be more nosy, I slammed my way out of the mansion.

It was my first time pulling the strings by its chords because I realised my pregnancy was a concrete reality of mine. It wasn't a random problem I could defer.

The taxi was already waiting outside the mansion. I pulled a scarf over my head to cover my face and I held it as I walked.

Each step was calculated—counted perhaps.

No one had to suspect anything of any sort. I hopped into the taxi and I was gone.

My heart was racing as the taxi drove towards my destination.

I prayed so hard it was going to be a good clinic. I couldn't find myself going to the bigger ones in the city.

All my thoughts inside the taxi were narrowed down to how nonchalant Alex responded to me.

I was treated like a toy. It sucked.

I felt suffocated.

I ignored everything I was feeling at that moment, and moved straight ahead to get to my appointment.

The doctor was nice. I was lucky enough to meet someone like her.

“You look nervous. You don't have to be. You'll be a great mum. You'll do just great,” she uttered.

I walked out of that changing room in her consulting office. The blue gown left me looking swollen from all the bad thoughts I've had to bury within myself.

She carefully stretched her hand, nodding while I moved, still I laid on the bed where she squeezed a cold liquid on my stomach which only looked bloated at that time.

The remaining moments were strangled in my mind as to what the results could be.

I had no idea what I could do, but I took it.

I was ready to take the news as it was going to be.

“Oh my! A very healthy twelve weeks pregnancy.” The Doctor was swelled in joy like she probably had miscarriages throughout the entire day.

I gasped and halted without knowing how to react.

“Twelve weeks?” I muttered and the tears welled up so suddenly in my eyes.

I could not blink after staring at the ultrasound.

My gorgeous baby looked like a shrimp, all curled up on the screen. I whimpered all of sudden and the fear of carrying this all alone became my only shadow.

There was this surge cooking inside me that I was not alone. I had someone I needed to protect. I had someone I needed to look after.

As I got my taxi back, there was nothing that rang through my mind than everything I needed to do to keep this pregnancy going. I needed to understand what I had to do to help myself.

I thought deeply, but in a burst of seconds, I found myself at the mansion again. It felt like my problem was chasing me.

Stepping into the mansion gave me chills. It was like finding out a secret that was heart wrenching, yet I had to pretend I found nothing.

How was I going to tell Alex I was with his child?

There was no conversation about remembering who he had an encounter with.

Carrying his own child felt like a whole disaster.

There was no clause like this in the contract. I wasn't supposed to get pregnant. I couldn't even mention to him that I was pregnant in the first place.

I got back home and Alex was not back yet. This left me pacing all around the house without knowing what to do or where to start from.

I missed Valerie. I wanted to grab my phone without hesitation to call her and tell her everything. I was ready to tell her the truth. I was really hoping I could do that, then I remembered that I could perceive Valerie's cologne on Alex.

It wasn't a safe thing to do. How could I forget in a moment what she did on the court wedding day.

I shook in tears at how lonely I have gotten. Losing my best friend looked like it was nothing, but a random event. The truth was so hard to accept. It was so hard to accept that Valerie had a good part of my life.

I missed her a lot. Her company before all the mess happened was golden.

Of all times, it was today. I was bleeding within me because of how distant we have become and all this was because of a man.

When I wanted to let it go, I could hold back myself. I picked up my phone and called her phone. As the phone rang, my heart was racing faster than I could even breathe.

Too many thoughts were racing in my mind.

What was I going to say when she decided to answer the phone?

This question rang through my head in different ways and form till the call got into voicemail.

I didn't leave any even when my mouth became too heavy to coordinate or close.

I moved back to my suitcase and I hid the ultrasound photo.

This ultrasound photo was the most important thing I owned, yet it was also the only thing that could ruin my life without any form of warning.

I wiped my tears and moved along to get myself fresh juice. I was told in the hospital that I didn't have to put myself through so much stress—It wasn't good for the baby or me.

I walked briskly into the kitchen from my room, and the dark and graceless stare slammed into my face. Alex was leaning by the wall with a cup of coffee in his hand and Valerie cutting some fruits at the other side of the kitchen.

My heart pounded so heavily that it felt like I was going to collapse in splits of seconds.

“Hi, Bella," Valerie said. Her smile was measured and short. She continued cutting the fruits while giving me a dead stare. “Long time."