Chapter 5

Keizer POV

It’s been a week since she left me, but I’m still waiting for her. I’m slowly recovering, but I’m not fully there yet.

I get nightmares sometimes, waking up from bad dreams. Oftentimes I wake up because I hear something. I hear Sarie’s voice blaming me for our child’s death. I can’t blame her, though, because I know deep down that I was the reason our child died.

I snapped back to reality when Manang spoke.

“Excuse me, sir. Someone is looking for Ma'am Sarie,” Manang said, causing my eyebrows to furrow.

‘Who could it be? I don’t see any of her friends’.

I immediately went outside and to the gate. I saw a man, and my brow furrowed even more. When the guard opened the gate, I saw that the man was with a woman. They looked so sweet together, and it annoyed me to see them.

“What do you need? ” I asked. They stopped laughing.

“Is Sarie here? ” The man asked, smiling. My eyebrow shot up.

“Why?”

“We’re friends with her. We’d like to talk to her,” the woman answered.

“Who are you? ” I asked calmly.

“Well, I’m Eren,” the man replied.

‘Eren? ‘That name sounds familiar.’ My fist clenched when I remembered.

“I’m Kisha. Eren’s fiancé. We just wanted to give her our wedding invitation, and we also wanted to talk to her.” I calmed myself down when I heard the woman speak.

“She’s not here,” I replied bluntly.

“Huh? ” Eren asked.

“She left. I’ll give her the invitation.” She looked hesitant as she handed me their invitation. I turned away from them and went straight to my room. I sat on the edge of the bed, and the tears flowed freely.

‘Damn it! ’

Sarie POV

"Ma'am Sarie, ito na po ang pinapabili mo," katok ni Manang Sol mula sa labas ng kwarto ko. Kinakabahan man ako, agad akong tumayo sa pagkaka-upo sa kama at binuksan ang pinto.

"Ito na hija... sigurado ka ba dito?"

"Opo, eh, Gusto ko ring malaman."

"O sige, hihintayin na lang kita dito," saad niya. Tumango naman ako at pumasok sa CR.

Hawak ko ang iba't ibang klase ng pregnancy test. Gusto kong malaman kung iisa lang ang ilalabas nitong resulta. Para bang may parte sa akin na natatakot sa sagot, pero ang mas malaking parte ay nagnanais malaman ang katotohanan. Gusto ko na ring malaman kung ano ang nangyari sa akin noon.

Nang matapos ay agad akong lumabas at naabutan ko si Manang Sol na naghihintay. Agad kong nilapag ang limang pregnancy test sa bedside table at umupo sa kama dahil kinakabahan talaga ako.

"H-hija," si Manang Sol at tumingin sa akin.

"B-bakit po?" Kinakabahang tanong ko. Kakaiba kasi ang tingin sa akin, e.

Nang hindi siya nagsalita, napilitan akong tumayo at lumapit sa kanya. Tinignan ko ang resulta na hawak niya.

Iisa lang ang mga resulta nito, at kung hindi ako nagkakamali...

Positive!

Kinuha ko ang dalawang pregnancy test na nakalapag at tinignan rin kung ano ang nakalagay. Positive rin. Iisa lang ang ibinigay nitong resulta sa akin. Pakiramdam ko ay lumulutang ako sa sobrang tuwa at takot.

"Diyos ko. Napaka-gandang biyaya nito hija," tuwang-tuwang sabi ni Manang. Napayakap na lang ako sa kanya at sunud-sunod na tumulo ang mga luha ko. Ang kaba at takot na nararamdaman ko kanina ay nawala ng parang bula. Pakiramdam ko ako na ang pinakaswerteng babae sa mundo upang bigyan ng ganitong ligaya.

Hindi ko ito inaakala. Akala ko yung nangyari sa amin ay wala lang. Hindi ko akalain na may mabubuo. Ang pakiramdam ko ay halo-halo: tuwa, takot, at pananabik.

"Mas maganda siguro kung sasabihin mo na iyan sa iyong asawa. Panigurado akong matutuwa iyon," suwesyon sa akin ni Manang. Kaya naman natigilan ako.

Sasabihin ko ba sa kanya? Paano kung hindi siya matuwa? Paano kung hindi niya tanggapin ang bata?

"Hello, Ma," sagot ko sa kabilang linya.

"Anak, handa ka na ba? Susunduin ka na namin ngayon. Iyan na ang flight mo pabalik ng Manila," saad nito sa kabilang linya.

"Ma? Pwede bang wag muna akong tumuloy?" May pag-aalinlangang saad ko rito, hindi ko pa kasi alam kung handa na bako.

"Ha? Bakit? May problema ba anak?" Nagaalalang tanong nito sa akin.

"Ma? Gusto ko pong mapag-isa. Medyo hindi pa po kasi ako okay... Ayos lang ba Ma?"

"Hmm, sure, sweetie."

"Pwede rin ba Ma, pag hinanap ako ni Keizer, wag niyo nang sabihin kung nasaan ako?" Saad ko, ngunit natahimik agad ang kabilang linya.

"Ha anak, bakit naman?" Takang tanong ng aking ina, alam kong maraming katanungan ang bumabagabag sa kanya, pero hindi pako handang sagutin kung ano man ang mga iyon.

"I have my reason, Ma." Pagdadahilan ko sa kanya.

"Okay. Mag-iingat ka diyan. Call me kung may problema." Kahit may pagaalinlangan ay agad rin naman siyang pumayag sa kagustuhan ko.

"Okay po Ma, maraming salamat po. Bye Bye." Saad ko at binaba ang tawag.

Ilang araw kong pinag-iisipan kung ipapaalam ko talaga kay Keezer. Pero mas pinili ko na lang na wag sabihin sa kanya. Bawal judgemental a! Natatakot lang talaga ako. Alam kong medyo nagbago na siya, pero still, natatakot parin ako. Ayoko nang maulit 'yon. Ayoko nang mawalan ng anak. Mahirap. Sobrang hirap.

Keizer POV

"Hey, dude, cut it out," Luige tried to stop me, but I ignored him and finished the bottle I was holding.

"She said she'd only be gone for a few weeks! But damn it, it's been almost a year since she left," I said, annoyed.

"Even her parents won't tell me where she is. She's probably forgotten what day it is! Damn it!"

"Maybe something happened to your wife?" Kim asked. "Dude! You should have looked for her immediately. What if she finds another guy? Oh man, you're on your own!"

"You know how many times I've looked for her, right?"

"If you loved her, you'd find her right away!" Luige interjected. My eyebrows immediately furrowed.

"You idiot! I don't love her," I yelled at him. They burst into laughter.

"Then why are you drinking like this? You're showing how much you're affected by your wife's disappearance!" Kim laughed.

"And you're drinking almost every day. You're still like this even if you don't love her?!" Luige laughed again, banging his fist on the table.

I ignored them. I don't know why I'm letting her affect me so much. I don't know why I want to cry because I haven't seen her in so long. I'm also mad at myself because I don't understand why I feel this way.

I woke up with a start, a strange sense of urgency gripping me. It was as if something was telling me to go somewhere, to do something. I felt restless, like I was waiting for something important.

I looked at the empty bottle beside me and sighed. Another night of drinking, another night of missing her. I had tried to forget, to convince myself I didn't care, but it was no use.

I was tired of the emptiness, of the constant ache in my chest. I was tired of wondering what she was doing, where she was, how she was.

"Manang, tawagan mo nga si tita. Tanungin mo kung nasaan si Sarie," I said to the maid, my voice gruff from sleep.

"Sige, sir."

I waited impatiently, pacing the living room, as Manang Nil made the call. I needed to see her, to talk to her, to understand.