The Hunt For Freedom

On the night of my birth the feline goddesses rejoiced.  As I cried my infant cries the only clue to my feline heritage was my cobalt blue eyes. I am a werecat. My Pride is almost extinct they tell me, and I am one of the only werecats to be born in recent years that we know of.  My birth was celebrated by some, while others tore their clothes and cried out with rage.  It was foretold that a Princess would be born to save our kind.  Apparently, this is me.  Nobody asked if I wanted this, nobody cared that I just want to be a normal kid.  As I stand in our enormous kitchen drinking a tall glass of milk I watch the caterers setting up for my eighteenth birthday party.  This is when the fun will really begin. 

Sitting down at our comfortable little kitchen table, I begin to think back on my earliest memories  of being "different."

"Katalea, come down from that tree!" My mother's voice billowed up at me. 

"Aw, Mom, it's so pretty up here....five more minutes?" I begged. From the limb I was perched on I could see for miles in every direction. There were so many leaves at this time of year it would be impossible for even the most ardent birdwatcher to catch a glimpse of me. I was safe here in my evergreen sanctuary.

On my fifth birthday I learned to extend my claws.  My mom sat me down and taught me how to point and flex my feet like a ballerina.  Then she taught me to think about climbing a tree with my claws and my fingers. I remember thinking that Momma had gone crazy when out of nowhere these sharp claws protruded from the tips of my fingers.  I sat in awed silence as I examined my new toys...then I ran for the nearest tree! Thus began my love for all thing wild and crazy.  Some have said that I am an adrenaline junkie. Momma enrolled me in gymnastic classes to give me a healthy was of exerting all this energy.  I couldn't get enough of it! Finally, I was in a place that encouraged reckless abandon, and I excelled. 

By six, I had passed up all the girls in my age group and was working out with the older girls. They didn't lke working out with the baby but they couldn't deny my skill level. Coach told Mom and Dad that I was a Protégé, and to expect great things from me. He happened to say this within earshot of the older girls, of course, this didn't do much to help their attitude toward me.I didn't care much, other people's opinions and emotions had little effect on me.

At about seven I started competing. I was nervous and excited.The other girls were much older but they were so afraid.  One girl even threw up. It seemed to me that I could understand what the other girls were thinking just by looking at their faces, and none of their thoughts were positive. 

One time, my teammate Alisa was about to compete on the balance beam.  She looked scared to death. Her whole body was shaking so hard that she appeared to be having a mini seizure. In my head I thought, "You should just tell Coach that you are sick and you want to go home."

I am sure my face was one of confusion and shock as I heard her tell Coach my exact words!  One look at her face and he had walked over to the judges and pulled her out of the meet. She started crying and was sent home with her parents. "And they call me the baby?" I mused.   I was too young at that point to understand what had happened but I was not too young to try this trick again. 

When it came to competing I had an innate focus that allowed me to hit rountine after routine without appearing nervous.  My peers through I was just too stupid to be scared, but if the truth be told, I just didn't care what the judges thought.  I knew I was good, and my routines were solid.  The rest was just mental. I decided it was time to try my little trick again. 

It was our Championship Meet, and I was determined to win the All Around Title. At this meet, they had gotten rid of the age group rule so I was competing against gymnasts of all ages. From what I could see there was only one other girl that could give me a run for my money.  I saw her warming up her leap pass for her floor routine over and over.  She appeared a little worried about connecting her leap and jumps smoothly. I saw my chance to experiment.  As she saluted the judge and marched out to her starting position I concentrated hard of these words, "Be careful not to take an extra step on that leap pass, or you will step out of bounds." I said these words over and over like a mantra.

It amazed me to see the look of anguish on her face, could she really be hearing me? As she neared this part of her floor rountine I doubled my efforts, concentrating hard as I had no idea what I was doing.  I could see her visibly tense, and sure enough she took two extra steps and leaped right off the floor. Her face was devastated but resigned to the fact that she had just lost. As we stood on the awards stand, me in first, her in second, I leaned over and shook her hand as I had been taught. 

"Congratulations" I said with my fakest smile, all the while planning how best to try my little trick again. 

The problem with that....Mom saw it all!

Later that night, while a a family dinner at the restaurant of my choice, there was a sudden voice in my head, clear as if the person next to me was talking to me, " I know what you did out there today."

My head popped up from my ooey-gooey pizza only to see Mom watching me.  "If you can hear me, put down that pizza and sip your water."

I did what she asked and her eyes narrowed, "I thought so. Katalea, we need to talk. Ask me to go for a walk later, away from the others."

Dread overcame me, suddenly I had no appetite. I know what I did was wrong, I just didn't know if it was real. Somehow I could now hear Mom's voice inside my head the same way, that made it all too real. What was going on?

I did what I was told though. Curiousity was winning out over the fear of punishment.  Mom and I walked down to the nearby park that surrounds a calm little man-made lake in our neighborhood. I had spent many a night climbing these trees while everyone thought I was sleeping. Sneaking out of the house when I couldn't sleep seemed so normal to me, while sleeping at night remained the bigger challenge. I could be very quiet when I wanted to. 

Mom sat me down on my favorite bench farthest away from the little lake. I loved it in this section of the park. There were rarely people here and plenty of places to hide and watch all the swimmers frolicking in the water. It  didn't occurr to me to question why I never had any desire to go swimming or socialize with any of the other children.   Mom stroked my long dark hair and simply said, "You know you are different from the other kids.  I think it's time you know why."

Mom went on to explain to me that her family, dating back thousands of years, was descendants of an ancient Egyptian Pride of werecats.  As the feline blood thinned from generation after generation of marrying humans, our breed was almost gone.  She told me that she was a werecat too, and that she had some feline abilities, like the thought transfers. She was sad when she confessed that she had never been able to shift. She had seen so many feline traits in me already that she was now wondering how we were going to deal with it.

"Your father knows nothing of this, my limited abilities or my family heritage. Nothing. I would like to keep it that way.  Your brothers show no sign of any feline traits or abilities.   They appear to be human through and through. You, young Katalea, have been blessed with many gifts it seems, and since they are manifesting so young, I am sure there will be plenty more." She said this all with a sad look in her eyes. I couldn't decipher why she was so sad. Maybe she had wanted me to be just human too. 

I was so shocked by her revelation that I couldn't even ask questions. I just sat there with my mind whirling. I wanted to get away from her, get away from these stories, and just go back to be being a normal kid. It was all just too much. Without speaking a word, I got up and ran for the trees. 

When I finally came down it was dark. Mom had sent me a mental message that she was going home and that I should be there before it was fully dark if I wanted any ice cream that night. Our family tends to eat healthy so pizza and ice cream in one day is a bit of a miracle. That night though, even the thought of that cold creamy treat wasn't enough to bring me down the tree.

Walking home I tried to feel like a cat, but what does a cat feel like?  I had never wanted to chase a mouse or run from a dog.  I wish there was someone I could ask, but who?  Mom said she didn't know of any of our pride living locally. 

I came in through the back door to complete chaos.  I loved my family beyond words but they were loud.  Spanish music blared from the TV and everyone was moving to the pulsing beat.  They were all engrossed in some sort of an internet dance class.  There was a lot of fancy footwork and hip shaking going on that didn't appeal to my seven year old self. My brothers truly looked like idiots. 

I fled up the stairs hoping to be spared the embarrassment.  Settled in my room under my fluffiest pink blanket I tuned them out.  I got a mental message from Mom to come down and join in the fun, I ignored her. I picked up a comic book that promised shape shifters of all sorts and prepared to lose myself in a world I thought was make believe before tonight. Now, I questioned everything. 

Mom came in a bit later and rubbed my back. When I felt myself wanting to purr I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Why me?"I whimpered to her. I just wanted to be normal.

She explained that when one parent is human only one in ten babies born to a werecat will inherit any feline genes.  This is how the werecat population is thinning out.  Werecats were despised and feared among supernatural creatures because of the numerous abilities. She had heard of some distant family of her's that were "peculiar." She would try to contact them in the morning. 

She made sure I understood that no one could know any of this. I could only talk to her, and only when no one was around. No diary, no drawing, no internet searches.  The need for secrecy was so important.  I couldn't even let my brother know.  They were already mad that I was starting to out-do them.  It would become impossible to deal with them if the discovered their complaints were justified. 

"What are abilities?" I whispered, my childlike voice echoing in my ears.  I was afraid to know more but couln't resist my curious nature.  

"Well," she began, "Having claws for starters.  Being able to climb a tree so quickly is a result of those claws. Also, I've heard you purr in your sleep for a while now.  This is the reason I could never allow any sleepovers with the other girls on your team."

She took a deep breath, and continued listing my abilities. "I don't know if you've noticed yet or not, but werecats are typically quick learners and very agile.  You have always been good at school and sports. And..."  she paused here and narrowed her eyes, "After today's behavior you are oviboulsy able to transfer your thoughts.....that was completely unacceptable by the way!"

"I know, I'm sorry, I didn't know it would really work." I let my real feelings out, "Now I will never know if I would have won on my own. That Championship Title will always be tainted"

Looking away and willing my tears to stop threatening to spill, I tried to think of something else, something positive. I had noticed that most things came easily to me.  Embarrrassingly enough, I was pretty quick to point out my greatness to others.  Humbleness had not entered my vocabulary yet. I had an advantage over the human kids, and that was a sour pill to swallow.  I wondered how I would rank with kids that have werecat blood.  After all, I was only half werecat. 

I could have added to Mom's list but I didn't really think that not sleeping at night, or loving fish would be considered abilities. I certainly didn't mention how I love to sneak out at night for no other reason than to prowl around the park and climb trees.  I could have told her how I only ever wanted milk at meal time,  or how climbing trees calmed me and made me feel safe.  I didn't mention any of these things though.  Instead I thought, "What a whack job!"

The kids in my school always ignored me anyway, they thought I was weird.  It didn't bother me though.  I liked being in my own company and never saw the need for a friend.  None of the other kids could keep up anyway.  Even the girls from the gym were irritating will all their fears.  I often inwardly sneered when a skill scare them. I would use their fear to press my advantage with the coach.  Coach loved my fearless attitude and little by little I was becoming the star.  I adored the attention I received when I excelled. I could care less that not one of them considered me a friend. I could sure use a friend now.

I looked up at Mom with big pleading eyes.  I finally felt the fear I ridiculed the others for. "Please find out more Mom, I'm scared."

As I lay there going over all this I realized I was scared.  I did not want to be the freak.  What if I became a cat right in front of everyone at school?  I longed to go back in time even one day, where I though I was a great little human.  Never agian would I be able to think the same on this.  I would have to hide my non human abilities from curious eyes.  My stomach was in knots as I thought of all that intailed. I snuggled in closer to Mom and tried to fall asleep.  Mom went right on rubbing my back, and for this night, I stayed home.