Chapter 1: You Hate Me, I Love You

CASSIDY

Ang panonood ng basketball sa court ng Mendel High ay isa sa mga hilig kong bisyo. Isa na iyon sa maituturing kong hobby bago pa man ako umabot ng High School. You might think I love the sport and want to experience the action from afar but its actually because of a man who's into it.

"Go number fourteen! I love you Trevoir!" Hiyaw ko habang nakatayo at panay ang talon dito sa may viewer seat.

Ramdam mo ang tensyon sa mga mata ng Mendel Tigers habang patuloy silang nakikipagbabakbakan sa court at iniinda ang malalakas na hiyaw ng mga Mendelians kasali na ako na nakahawak sa tarpaulin na puno ng litrato ni Zeke Trevoir.

Sa kaniya lang nakatuon ang mga mata ko habang pinapanood siyang nagdi-dribble ng bola at seryosong nakatitig sa ring. When the one blocking his way won't let him in, he had no choice but to shoot from a very far distance and as expected, nakapasok ito na naging rason nang pagtili ng buong kababaihan sa court.

"Mapapaos ka na Cassidy! Panoorin mo na lang!" My best friend Trixy who's mindlessly eating popcorn scolded me as she covers her ears in annoyance. I just ignored her and focus myself on the game to show more support.

"Oh, shut up Trix! Mananalo na ang Tigers!"

The time started counting down in ten seconds and everyone is drowning in anticipation. Nasa Tigers ulit ang bola na ngayon ay pinagpapasa-pasahan nila hanggang sa umabot ulit ito kay Zeke. He started running through the ring and when he saw his chance, he jumps and shoots earning another 2 points before the time finally ends.

"Yeah!"

The audience (basically the students of Mendel) roared like they were the ones who gained victory. We all jumped out of happiness for our team and waved our banners to show the other school that we never lose in this game. That no one can ever defeat our varsity.

***

"Zeke!"

After conquering the noisy and messy crowd, I finally found my way to get near Zeke and call him out. Agad naman niya akong narinig kaya't napalingon ito at hinarap ako.

"Congratulations! You always rock you know that?" I greeted him before winking.

He on the other hand seems uninterested or even bothered as he senselessly just look at me before taking his bottled water.

"Is there anything you still want to say?" He asked in a cold tone as he opens up the cap of the before he started drinking.

I felt a little hurt but as usual, I stayed enthusiastic and chose to swallow the embarrassment.

"Gusto mo bang kumain sa labas to celebrate? Don't worry, it's on me." I offered as I waited for him to finish drinking.

He turned to me with his eyes blank, as he frowns, "Wag mo akong pagmukhaing walang pera Cassidy. I can buy my own food to celebrate. Besides, we still have a lot of projects that we need to buy. Why are you planning to spend for nonsense?"

Hindi na ako nabigla pa sa pagtanggi nito. Lagi niya naman akong tinatanggihan at ako naman 'tong si tanga, hindi man lang natatauhan at paulit-ulit pa rin. Ano bang magagawa ko? Mahal ko eh.

"Well, I happen to save some for my projects. So, can you stop worrying and just eat with me?" I asked him once again with my voice pleading for a yes.

He just stayed silent for a second before he turns around and started walking away.

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa ginawa niya at natigilan ng ilang segundo. I can feel water starting to build in my eyes but I still shrugged it off and turned to him as I force myself to look happy.

"Silence means yes!"

Bigla itong napatigil kaya't umasa naman ako na baka papayag na ito sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon. Ngunit nang humarap ito at lumapat ang mga malalamig niyang mata sa akin ay agad na nawala ang mumunting pag-asa na pinanghahawakan ko.

"You know what's my real answer Cassidy. I will never want to eat with you."

***

"Hey honey! how's school?" Agad na salubong sa akin ni mommy-bear nang tuluyan na akong makapasok sa kusina at napayuko sa lamesa ng dining table.

As usual, I got home feeling tired and rejected by my crush. Hindi naman sa hindi ako sanay pero nagsasawa na rin ako sa paulit-ulit na resulta ng ginagawa kong pagpapapansin. Ika nga ni Einstein, doing the same thing over and over and waiting for a different result is an act of stupidity.

Good thing, my mother knows how to take care of me. She always prepares me a fresh apple juice after school. It calms me down and often makes me forget that I just had a stressful day.

"As usual, noisy people and crazy me." I uttered with my usual bored tone as I roll my eyes and sighed. Bagsak ang balikat kong napasandal sa upuan habang dala-dala ang mabigat pero mababaw kong problema.

She gave a naughty smile before she placed my favorite freshly cooked chicken soup in a bowl. "Well, you're crazier here. Eat this sugar bum." She said teasingly so I smiled back at her as a response before I scooped with my spoon.

"Thanks, mommy-bear." I, before taking a slow sip on my hot soup. I was enjoying the warmth of the meal in my tongue but was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell.

"Looks like someone's here." Ani ni Mommy-bear at lumabas ng kusina. Hindi pa ako nakakasubong muli nang may marinig akong tili.

"Devina!"

"Margaret!"

I turn my head to check outside since the living room can still be seen from here, I saw my mom hugging a very beautiful woman.

"Hi tita Devin!" Bati ko rito kahit na hindi man lang ako nito tinapunan ng tingin.

Zeke's mother and mommy-bear are best friends ever since kindergarten. They are so close that even their private life is not private to them. They have known each other forever.

Hindi man ako nito inintindi kanina ay napasilip pa rin ito sa kusina. "Hey their daughter in law! Chad wants to see you!"

Chad is her second son and she keeps on pushing me to him even everyone knows that I am not really into him. I keep on telling her that it is Zeke that I want but for some reasons, she just wants me for Chad.

"Just say hi for me tita, and also to Zeke." I plainly said before eating my soup again as I hear the both of them entering here.

"Anyway Cassidy," Tita Devina pulled the chair beside me and then she sits on it while my mom also sits in front of me. "When would you visit the house again?"

"Tomorrow, I think. Wala naman po akong masyadong gagawin bukas tita. Will Zeke be there too?"

Tanong ko kahit alam kong laging wala si Zeke sa kanila tuwing weekends. For some reasons, Zeke keeps on leaving their house and then he'll stay to his private condo unit which is a bit weird. I mean, weekends are the only time you can spend quality time with your family but ironically, he prefers being alone.

"I'm not sure. But Chad will be there sweetie."

Heto na naman siya sa pangungulit niya sa akin sa anak niya. Palagi niya iyon ginagawa at isinisingit sa kahit anong usapan namin. Minsan, nakakapagod na rin ang paulit-ulit na pagtanggi.

"Anyway Devina, what made you come?"

Thankfully, my mother interrupted as we both turn to her and saw tita Devina giving a you know it you silly woman look or some sort. Agad namang napatango nang marahan si mama dahil mukhang naintindihan nya naman ang eye language ni tita.

"Cass my love, can you eat that in your room? May pag-uusapan lang kami ng tita Devina mo." Pagtataboy ni mama sa akin na para bang hindi ko puwedeng marinig ang magiging usapan nila.

Mukhang ito iyong sinasabi nilang adult talk kaya't wala naman na akong nagawa at kinuha ang mga pagkain ko. "Okay." I said before walking out of the kitchen to go to my room.

***

"Welcome Cassidy!"

Eksaktong pagpasok ko ay agad akong sinalubong ni tito Theodore na nakabuka agad ang dalawang braso para akapin ako. He's always like that. Sweet and caring like a real dad.

Yup. I decided to come over since I can't help but to think of sneaking in to catch up with Zeke. I did send him a text last night that I'm coming over which I suddenly realized was a bad idea dahil baka takasan niya ako ulit.

I gave tito-papa a warm hug as he does the same before I let go to scan him. "Hey tito-papa! Leaving so soon?" Tanong ko habang pinasadahan ng titig ang corporate attire niya at hawak na briefcase.

He responded with a bright smile then checks his wristwatch. "Yes Cass. I still have a business meeting."

Agad akong tumango bilang pag-intindi dahil alam ko kung gaano ka-busy and mga businessmen (my dad's one too and he barely even comes home). "Okay. See ya' later."

"Bye peanut." Pagpaalam nitong muli bago tuluyan ng umalis at isinara ang pintuan nang marahan at iniwan akong mag-isa.

I didn't told tita Devina that I was coming over dahil siguradong si Chad na naman ang ipipilit niyang makipag-usap sa akin. Luckily, they both left today but unfortunately, no one's around to entertain me.

I was about to finally leave the house since I bet Zeke already left early after reading my text last night but then I heart footsteps coming towards here in the living room.

"What are you doing here?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makitang si Zeke nga iyon habang nakakunot ang noong nakatingin sa akin at nakahalukipkip.

"Zeke! I thought you already left!" I exclaimed with my heart almost jumping out of my chest.

Nanlamig lang ito sa akin lalo at napailing sa naging reaksyon ko Kapag kaharap ko siya, laging bagsak ang balikat niya and its making me feel bad since lagi siyang disappointed kapag nakikita ako.

"I'm leaving now." Malamig nitong sagot at hahakbang na sana paalis ngunit agad akong humarang at tinitigan ito nang mataman.

"What? But why?"

"Because I want to. Do you have a problem with that?" Tanong niya bigla at pinaningkitan ako sa inis.

I felt a little guilty on how I reacted, "I-I... please don't. There's no one in here I can talk to." Pagmamakaawa ko sa kaniya.

"Then go back to your house."

"Just this once please don't leave me. Let's wait for them to come back before you go please?" Napahawak na ako sa braso niya sa sobrang pagkadesperada ngunit lalong nagdilim lang ang mga mata nito.

"Just stay first please?" I pleaded again but it worsened his temper as his jaw tightened and he gritted his teeth.

"And why the hell would I do that?"

I was taken aback with the question and I try to think of any possible reason to make him stay but I just cannot think of any idea.

Pilit kong pinipiga ang utak ko na makabuo kahit ng dalawa tatlong salita. "Uhm, we'll play?" I bit my lip out of embarrassment while still staring in his cold eyes. I just sounded so damn silly and I want to hit my own head in the nearest wall.

"Do I look like a kid Cass?" Tanong nito bago marahas na inalis ang kamay ko mula sa braso niya't naglakad palayo sa akin.

"No—"

"You're wasting my time." Galit nitong turan sa akin at didiretso na sana sa pintuan ngunit muli kong hinila ang braso niya.

"No please! I'll do anything! Please?" Pagmamakaawa ko lalo kaya't napalingon din naman ito pero hindi pa rin nawawala ang matalim niyang titig. "Please Zeke? I will do anything you want!"

He paused for a bit as he tries to think of something as he raises his eyebrows at me. "Anything?"

"Anything! I swear!" Parang asong ligaw akong handang paligayahin ang amo kahit magmukhang tanga na napatango nang mabilis

"Leave the house." He plainly said before removing his hand from me again and then finally turning around as he went straight to the door and opened it.

"Why would I—"

"I thought you said you'll do anything for me right?"

Ramdam kong nanunubig na ang mga mata ko habang nakatingin sa kaniya na nakasandal sa bukas ng pintuan at hinihintay na lamang akong lumabas.

"But—"

"Am I right?"

"Yes." I will never win in our conversation. I always end up bowing my head down as I try not to crack and cry in front of him.

"Go away. If you want me to stay here, then leave the house."

Parang nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan ko habang pilit na pinipigilan ang sariling umiyak sa matinding pighati at kahihiyan na nararamdaman. I really don't want to go. I want to stay with him for at least an hour maybe. Gusto kong kahit ngayon lang, subukan niya rin akong intindihin.

Narinig ko ang pagpakawala niya ng hininga. "You really want to stay here?"

Suminghot muna ako bago marahang napatango bilang pagsang-ayon at tiningala siya habang kagat pa rin ang labi at ang mga mata'y nagmamakaawa sa kaunting konsiderasyon nito.

"Then you leave me no choice." He then walks out of the door then he shut it really hard in front of me. Leaving me dumbfounded as I felt all my tears streaming down to my cheeks before I rushed towards the nearest couch and started crying.

***

"Cheer up Cassidy! Hindi lang si Zeke ang lalaki sa mundo! Ang dami pang ibang mas better sa kanya!"

Naikuwento ko ang lahat kay Trixy na ngayon ay nainis na naman kay Zeke at halos isumpa na siya at ang magiging lahi niya sa susunod na mga henerasyon. Minsan, naaawa na rin ako sa kaniya dahil nagtitiis siya sa paulit-ulit kong drama. Hindi ako natatauhan sa lahat ng pangtataboy ni Zeke at paulit-ulit na lang niyang sinasabi na tumigil na ako.

"But its just that he's the one I really want!"

Hinding-hindi mapapalitan si Zeke ng kahit sino mang lalaki sa mundo. Yeah he's cold alright but I knew him forever. He's the only one who can make my heart flutter even just by him breathing from a distance.

She showed me her unconvinced expression by raising her right eyebrow and twitching her lip. "Kahit sinong lalaki ay kaya kang ipagtabuyan nang paulit-ulit Cass!"

Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako bago napalingon dito na lalong ikinaikot ng mga mata niya.

"Alright look, he really doesn't like you Cass. Is there any chance that you could at least move on to another guy?"

She's waiting for a miracle to happen. Sa tagal ko nang hulog na hulog kay Zeke, sa tingin niya makakahanap pa ako ng iba? Ni hindi nga ako makatulog hangga't hindi ako humahalik sa litrato niya.

"There will only be a chance for that if pigs could already fly." I sarcastically said before leaning on the chair as I look up to the ceiling and seeing Zeke's face again.

"If I'm Zeke, you'll creep me out. I mean, you act like a tiger chasing a deer!"

***