Chapter 6

Ilang araw na ang lumipas mula nang huli kong makita ang mga kaibigan ko at ilang araw na rin simula nang huli naming pagkikita ni Dos. Tinext ko siya isang beses pero hindi siya nag-reply. Hindi ko na inulit, iniisip ko na lang na baka busy siya. Pero nang halos isang linggo na ang lumipas, hindi ko na napigilan at tinawagan ko siya ulit.

Ngumiti ako nang sagutin niya agad sa pangatlong ring.

"Hey," I greeted softly, biting my lip for no reason. I hated to admit it, but I missed the scent of him. I missed the way his touch felt against my skin.

I spun my swivel chair around and stared out the wide glass window of my office above the bar.

[Hi. Missed me already?]

"Hmmm... sort of," I answered with a small smile.

[Sorry... I've been busy these past few days. That's why I couldn't call or text.]

"Yeah, I figured. I'm fine, don't worry. I was just... concerned. But if you're just busy, then I'm relieved."

[Woah. Sweet...] he teased, followed by a low chuckle.

"Where are you now? Still busy?"

[Why? Do you want to see me?]

"Hmmm... What if my answer is yes? Would you come here just to see me?"

[Sad to say, but nah. I can't leave right now. I have too much on my plate. Sorry.]

There was a faint sadness in his voice that made me feel guilty for even asking.

"Oh... That's fine. I understand," I said instead, even though a part of me felt disappointed.

[Don't worry. I promise one of these days we'll see each other again. I miss you.]

I bit my lip again, this time to stop myself from grinning. God, why did those words make my heart flutter like this?

"Sure. I'll wait for that time," I said, forcing myself to stay calm.

[Okay, gonna hang up now. Take care, Mifi.]

"Okay. See you soon, Dos."

He ended the call before I did. And yet I couldn't stop smiling after.

Shit. This is not good.

Binalik ko ang sarili ko sa trabaho... sumagot ng mga emails mula sa mga supplier ng alak, inayos ang payroll ng mga empleyado. Busy na rin ang mga kaibigan ko sa kanya-kanyang trabaho dahil malapit na ang Pasko.

Pagsapit ng gabi, naisipan kong dumalaw kina Mommy. Hindi ako nakadalaw noong nakaraan dahil alam kong puro tungkol sa negosyo na naman ang pag-uusapan. Kaya ngayon, naisip kong pumunta nang walang pasabi. This time, I wanted to go unannounced and let them be surprised by my presence.

Sure, we hadn't been on good terms before I left, but they were still my parents. And no matter how strained things were, I couldn't just turn my back on them.

Pagpasok ko pa lang ng bahay, iba na agad ang pakiramdam ko. Hinahanap ng mga mata ko sina Mommy at Daddy, pero hindi sila ang nakita ko.

Kundi ang taong pinaka ayaw kong makita.

Kailan pa siya nandito? Kaya ba hindi na nila ako kinulit na umuwi? Kasi nandito na siya? Ang paboritong bastarda.

"Oh hi, sistah!" masiglang bati ng babae. Nakaupo siya sa sofa, nagte-text, pero agad tumayo nang makita ako.

Tinitigan ko siya nang malamig. Lumapit siya para halikan ako pero umatras ako, kaya napahinto siya.

"You haven't changed. Still Maldita. Didn't you miss me?" she teased.

"Missed my ass," I muttered flatly, my tone dripping with disinterest.

"Come on. We're sisters, whether you like it or not. Just accept it and be nice to me."

"You're nothing but the result of a mistake," I spat. "A termite that ruined life and the family I once had."

The smile on her lips slowly vanished.

"You're still the same..." she whispered weakly. "You still hate me. You still see me as a mistake. I don't get it, Mifi. I never asked for this. I didn't want to be an outcast. I didn't want to be the child of a mistake. I don't want this..." Nagsisimula nang mabasag ang boses niya, at unti-unti na ring nag-iipon ng luha ang mga mata niya.

Pero hindi ako nag paapekto. Sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, bumabalik lahat ng sakit ng nakaraan. Sa tuwing nakikita ko kung gaano siya kalapit kina Mommy at Daddy, nagagalit ako. Dahil ang atensyon at pagmamahal na dapat para sa akin dahil ako ang tunay na anak ay napunta sa kanya.

"Kung may pagpipilian lang ako," tuloy niya habang umiiyak, "pipiliin kong huwag na lang mabuhay kung ganito lang din. Gusto ko lang naman ng pamilya. Pamilyang tatanggap sa akin at hindi isisisi sa akin ang pagkakamali ng nanay ko."

"May choice ka," malamig kong tugon. "At 'yon ay huwag mo nang isiksik ang sarili mo sa pamilya ko."

"Mifi!" malakas na sigaw ni Daddy mula sa itaas ng hagdan. Galit na galit ang mukha niya habang bumababa. Napabuntong-hininga ako, siguradong ako na naman ang sisisihin.

"What are you doing?!" sigaw niya, pero hindi ako sumagot.

"Excuse me, punta lang po ako sa kwarto," paalam ni Mili at dali-daling umalis.

Tss. Paawa na naman!

"Bakit kailangan mong sabihin 'yon sa kapatid mo?! Mifi! Kahit anong gawin mo, kapatid mo si Mili! Hindi mo na mababago 'yon!" sigaw ni Daddy. Sa gilid ng paningin ko, nakita ko si Mommy, tahimik lang, nakatingin, pero hindi lumalapit.

"Oh, I know I can't change the mistake you made, Dad!" I snapped back, my voice rising with every word. He froze, eyes locked on mine. "I can't change how this family fell apart because of your stupidity. But that doesn't mean I have to accept it!"

Nagsisimula nang mangilid ang luha ko habang diretso kong tinitignan si Daddy.

"Kahit kailan, hindi maitatama ng pagkakamali ang isa pang pagkakamali, Dad. Nagkamali ka na noong nambabae ka, dinagdagan mo pa nang nagbunga 'yon. Hindi lang si Mommy ang niloko mo! Niloko mo ako! Niloko mo ako at pinaniwala mo ako sa mala-fairytale nating pamilya habang bumubuo ka ng happy ending sa iba!"

Napakagat-labi ako habang pinipigilan humikbi.

"Mifi..." malambing na tawag ni Mommy, sabay haplos sa braso ko, para pakalmahin ako.

"'Yong taas ng tingin ko sa'yo noon, 'yong mala-superhero kong tingin... naglaho na." Huminga ako nang malalim, nanginginig ang boses. "How could you act as if you hadn't done anything wrong? How could you not think of how much it hurt Mommy when you cheated on her and worse, made her the mother of your mistake? Huh? Really, Dad?"

I saw tears streaming down his cheeks, but I couldn't stay there any longer. Shaking my head, I turned my back on both of them and walked out of the house.

Pagpasok ko sa kotse, doon ko na inilabas ang lahat ng hikbing kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Umiyak ako nang umiyak sa loob.

How could he live his life so normally?

Did it never occur to him how much it hurt Mom? Tangina...