Kabanata 3

Alas otso y media na nang magpaalam si tito Miguel na kailangan na niyang umalis. Ganoon din si lolo. Magkasama kami ni lolo na pumunta rito kaya dapat magkasama rin kaming uuwi. Tatayo na sana ako pero nagulat ako nang pigilan niya ako.

"Apo, sa tingin ko... kailangan n'yong mag-usap nitong si Ryland," he said.

My jaw almost dropped. Anong ibig niyang sabihin na kailangan naming mag-usap? Well, kailangan naman talaga pero... hindi ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko.

"Pero... wala po akong dalang sasakyan," palusot ko. Kaya ko namang mag-commute, ayaw ko lang talagang maiwan kasama ang lalaking ito.

"H'wag kang mag-alala, ihahatid ka ni Ryland pauwi." Singit ni tito.

"We need to go," my grandfather declared.

"Lo, sandali!"

I tried to call him and even sat up from my seat, but he already turned his back on me. Hindi na siya lumilingon, kasama si tito Miguel.

"Sit down, we need to talk... Heira..."

Para akong na-estatwa sa kinatatayuan ko ng ilang saglit. I'm completely alone with him! And did he just call my name? Why does it sound so good when he say— what the hell. What am I thinking?

Muli akong bumalik sa pagkaka-upo, kaharap siya na ngayon ay hindi na naman naaalis ang paningin sa akin. Nag-iwas na lang ako ng tingin at huminga ng malalim.

"What are we going to talk about?" I asked.

"About us." He said casually.

Napataas ang kilay ko sa kanyang sinabi. He went back on eating his meal. Hindi kasi kaagad kami natapos sa pagkain dahil ang daming pinag-usapan ng dalawang matanda at napapatigil kami sa pagkain sa tuwing dinadamay ang pangalan namin.

"Eat first then we will talk right after."

"We can talk now, hindi ako gutom," mabilis kong wika.

"Ako gutom, kaya mamaya na."

Naisara ko ang aking bibig dahil sa narinig. How could I be selfish? Of course, gutom siya.. haha... I just want to go home early, hindi naman masama iyon diba?

I don't feel comfortable around him. I always feel like there's a tension between us. His stares makes my breathing hitched. His voice is not even helping, I always feel a shiver running down my spine whenever he speaks. Kahit ang simpleng pagtawag niya sa pangalan ko, bumibilis kaagad ang tibok ng puso ko.

I hate this feeling... how can I take this away?

I was just staring at the view outside while he was busy eating his food. Ngayon ko lang napansin ang ganda ng tanawin sa labas. Yellow ang orange lights were scattered everywhere, in every branches of the trees. The place looks romantic. Kalmado lang din ang simoy ng hangin.

"Why aren't you eating?"

I looked at him. He was staring at me again. Hindi niya ba narinig kanina na hindi ako gutom?

"Hindi nga ako gutom," sabi ko.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah..."

I watched him slice a piece of steak. Tinuhog niya ito ng tindor at tinapat sa aking bibig. I felt my eyes widened. What the hell is he doing?

"Eat this. Don't humiliate me in public," he said in his seemingly normal cold voice.

Pasimple kong tinignan ang paligid. Mga pader na gawa sa salamin lang ang naghihiwalay sa vip area kaya nakikita pa rin kami ng ibang costumer. Hindi ko lang alam kung bakit sila nakatingin sa amin. Mostly are girls. Looks like Ryland's attracting attentions.

Wala akong nagawa kundi isubo ang steak, my lips touched the fork. I saw a ghost smile in Ryland's lips bago siya sumubo ng steak gamit ang parehong tinidor—shit.

I chewed the steak inside my mouth as fast as I could saka mabilis na uminom ng tubig. I felt my cheeks heated, I'm probably as red as tomato right now. Damn. Hindi sa nag-iinarte pero bakit hindi siya gumamit ng ibang tinidor? It's not like we're couple to do that kind of gesture.

He was eyeing me intently and there's this glint of humor in his eyes that I want to get rid of. Nakakainis!

"You can ask If you have questions regarding our wedding. "

Kinalma ko muna ang aking sarili bago ko siya hinarap ng may lakas ng loob.

"Kailan tayo ikakasal?" I asked. Simula nang malaman ko ang tungkol sa bagay na ito ay iyon talaga ang gusto kong malaman. Kung kailan ako ikakasal. Kung kailan ako magkakaroon ng panibagong responsibilidad. At kung kailan ako tuluyang mawawalan ng kalayaan.

He kept his eyes on me. Ayoko sa paraan ng pagtitig niya. Para bang mawawala kaagad ako sa isang kurap.

"Probably next week." Sagot niya na ikinalaglag ng panga ko. Next week!? Bakit ganoon kabilis?

Kahit gulat na gulat ako at kinakabahan ay pilit ko pa ring kinalma ang aking sarili. Ito lang talaga ang magagawa ko, ang kumalma. Ako rin naman ang pumili nito kaya dapat panindigan ko.

"Bakit next week kaagad? Pangalan pa nga lang ang alam natin sa isa't isa—"

"You entered into an arranged marriage so that's normal." Putol niya sa aking sasabihin.

He has a point though. We both agreed on this set up even before we met. Hindi ko siya kilala, hindi niya ako kilala. I sigh. I know it's not gonna be easy.

"Okay..."

"Now it's my turn to ask... bakit ka pumayag?"

Literal akong natigilan sa kanyang tanong. Bakit ako pamayag? Of course, dahil sa pangarap ko na maging architect. Dahil gusto kong may matupad naman kahit isa lang sa mga gusto ko. Dahil gusto kong makawala sa mga magulang ko kahit isang beses.

I realized how pathetic I am. And I hate myself for that. Ayoko na may naaawa sa akin. I don't want anyone to pity me.

"I refuse to answer." I said firmly.

Tumaas ang kanyang kilay sa naging tugon ko. He seemed curious but I just can't admit the truth... ayoko.

Gusto ko man siyang tanungin ng parehong tanong ay hindi ko na ginawa. I didn't answer his question so I guess he wouldn't answer mine as well.

Tumango naman siya matapos ang ilang segundong katahimikan sa pagitan namin.

"Don't you want to set some rules?" He asked. My brows furrowed.

"Rules?"

"Yeah, rules like... no touch? I mean... girls often set such rules when married to someone they don't even know."

That's insane. How can a married couple prevent each other from having such physical contact? Hindi naman sa gusto ko but how is that supposed to work?

"That's impossible..." I trailed.

"Right. That's very... impossible."

Hindi ko alam pero biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa pagkakasabi niya non. Dahan-dahan lang iyon na nakakapagdagdag ng kaba sa akin. Weird.

"But that doesn't mean you can touch me anytime you want. Only when it's necessary." I said.

"Of course. Anything else?"

"No kiss." Mabilis kong sagot. Yes, that's right! That rule has to be implemented to the both of us.

But I don't really have to worry because It's not gonna happen anyway.

"We will kiss in our wedding day, in front of the judge."

My brows furrowed at his remark. "Judge?"

He sighed. "We are only performing civil wedding because—"

"That's good. That day is exempted then."

I'll be honest. I've been kissed before. I was in a relationship before pero hindi rin iyon nagtagal. But I loved him... hindi ko naman siya sasagutin kung hindi ko mahal.

Mas maganda rin na civil wedding na lang ang gagawin. Hindi naman ganoon ka-special ang araw ng kasal namin dahil hindi naman namin mahal ang isa't isa. We don't have any romantic relationship.

"O-okay... that's it?"

Tumango ako. Iyon lang naman siguro, hindi ba? Ayoko na mag-inarte masyado. Ikakasal din naman kami kahit ano pa ang gawin ko.

"Ikaw? Baka may girlfriend ka..." wala sa sarili kong wika. The fuck. Gusto kong sampalin ang sarili ko sa tanong na iyon and that's more like a statement.

I shouldn't have asked that! He might be sensitive in that topic. Baka may girlfriend siya na pilit niyang hiniwalayan just for this arrangement. Well... that's what I read In books.

Nagkatitigan kami ng ilang saglit and I can't tell kung ano ang emosyong nakikita ko sa kanyang mga mata. Is he amused or confuse? Damn. I should just keep my mouth shut next time.

"U-uh... you don't have to answer that." I said awkwardly.

"Wala."

"Huh?"

"Wala akong girlfriend... but I had flings before." Sabi niya sa mababang boses.

Mabilis na lang akong tumango sa kanyang sagot. Hindi lang ako makapaniwala na wala siyang girlfriend sa estado niya, idagdag pa ang physical appearance niya. If he had a lot of flings then hindi na iyon nakapagtataka.

It's also fine with me If he's in a relationship with another girl. I mean, we're not marrying each other for love. So ayos lang naman siguro as long as he won't make it very obvious. He's a famous businessman and I don't want to get involved in any issues.

"How 'bout you?" He asked.

"I only have guy friend..."

"Hmm."  He nodded. "That's all?"

Meron pa ba? Wala naman ako masyadong alam sa ganito. Ano pa ba dapat ang hindi pwede?

"Yeah... that's all."

"So I'm not prohibited to fall for you?"

My cheeks must be as red as blood right now. My heart is beating rapidly. I shouldn't react like this. I should not! But how the hell was he able to ask that question? It takes a lot of courage for me... or am I just really overreacting. Pero imposible naman iyon mangyari. Hindi ako papasa sa standards ng isang katulad niya.

"Well that's unstoppable... but it's impossible to happen."

I heard him chuckled like I said something funny. Did I? He's even shaking his head!

"Damn woman, you underestimate yourself way too much..."

PABAGSAK KONG hiniga ang aking sarili sa kama. Kakauwi ko lang dito sa aking condo. Nakatanggap ako ng text kanina galing kay lolo habang nasa byahe. He asked me If i already got home at kung ano ang nangyare sa pag-uusap namin ni Ryland.

Wala naman masyadong nangyare. We just talked and set some rules. Nothing interesting.

Pagkatapos niyang sabihin na masyadon kong minamaliit ang aking sarili ay hindi na ako nagsalita. We just let the silence dominate. Later on... I asked him if he can drive me home already. Tahimik lang kami pareho sa byahe hanggang sa makarating kami rito. We already had enough conversation I guess. May ibang panahon pa naman siguro para diyan.

I just wanted to go home. I couldn't last any longer in that restaurant with he's with me. Kinakabahan ako palagi at parang wala ako sa aking sarili.

That wasn't the typical me. I used to be so calm but I feel like I am not myself anymore when he's around.

Nakakainis ang ganitong pakiramdam... na parang mawawasak na naman ulit ako.

Kahit pagod ako ay pinilit ko ang aking sarili na bumangon para makaligo na at makapag-bihis. Mabigat ang mga hakbang ko papunta sa banyo habang minamasahe ang aking leeg. Wala naman akong masyadong ginawa sa araw na ito pero pakiramdam ko ay may binuhat akong ilang sako ng bigas.

After taking shower, nagsuot ako ng red nighty dress at pulang roba na gawa sa silk. Pagkatapos ay pinatuyo ko ang aking buhok gamit ang blower.

I was about to throw myself to the bed when I heard the door bell ring. Lumabas ako sa aking kwarto at nagtatakang nilapitan ang main door.

Muling kumatok ang tao sa labas kaya maingat kong binuksan ang pinto at napaatras ako ng makita kong sino ito.

"You left your pouch in my car."

"R-Ryland..."