Wish I never had a mate

"Shhhh, everything will be okay," I heard Isabella say. Her voice sounded like she had been crying.

No, it wouldn't be okay, I wanted to say to her but I couldn't force my mouth to open.

It would never be okay.

--

The image of Mr. Perri's torn body had been permanently carved beneath my eyelids. Every time I closed my eyes, the scene replayed. It was vivid and it made me sick.

Silas' raised paw, the sound of tearing flesh, the piercing scream, the splashes of blood all over the walls, his eyes wide and lifeless.

Nights were a torment. Ever since I arrived at Romano Crest, there was always one thing or the other that took my sleep away. I'd wake up drenched in a cold sweat, heart hammering, the now familiar taste of fear heavy in my mouth.

I shut myself away, seeing only Chayil and Isabella. Avoiding the Alpha was easy, I never left my room. 

He didn't need to kill that innocent poor man just to stop my questions about Ombra Nera. Since that day, food lost all taste, every tray left untouched as constant nausea  lodged itself in my throat

"You've lost weight, Selene," Isabella remarked one afternoon, her gaze lingering on my face and neck.  She set down an appealing  plate of fruit and a pastry. "You can't keep starving yourself. A Luna needs her strength."

I pushed a piece of apple around the plate with my fork. "Is this what it means to be a Luna?"  The bitterness in my voice was hard. "He hates me, Isabella, he tortures me. I don't want to live like this."

She sighed. A soft, almost sympathetic sound. "You carry the Luna title, Selene. Whether you like it or not. And the earlier you start acting like it, the more you can assert your place in the pack."

I looked at her, my voice low as I asked the one question that had plagued my mind for days. "Do you know of the things that go on beneath this pack, Sofia? That Alpha Romano is...?" I trailed off, watching her reaction.

Her usually unwavering smile faltered and an imperceptible flicker crossed her eyes. She picked up a stray crumb from the sheets and dropped it by the corner of the tray.

"Selene," she whispered. "Some things... some things are better left unknown. For your own peace of mind."

Her vague response was an answer in itself. She knew. 

Hell, maybe they all knew. Romano crest might be together with this mafia group. Enzo's cold dismissal rang in my ears. I didn't press her further. What was the point?

Days bled into weeks. 

The suffocating isolation weighed me down until even Isabella grew tired of my state. I realised I couldn't spend the rest of my life hiding in this room. I needed air.

I finally stepped out one afternoon, with no destination in mind, other than the garden.

The width of the villa's grounds took my breath away yet again. The crisp air filled my lungs, and the sun warmed my skin as if it might burn the weight from my chest. For a fleeting moment, I felt lighter.

Then I turned into a pathway that led to the garden , and a voice cut through my brief moment of peace 

"Well, well," a voice drawled. "Look what the cat dragged in."

Lisa. 

She stood there, flanked by two other pack members with her arms crossed and a malicious smirk on her face. It looked like a high school movie scene, laughable.

Her eyes raked over me, full of contempt. 

"You thought becoming Luna would give you backbone with Vincenzo?" Lisa sneered. "Guess not. You're still nothing!"

Her words struck a nerve. 

Nothing? After everything I had been through at that pack, it wasn't nothing. It all merged into a hot, blinding surge of fury. My hands clenched at my sides, knuckles white.

Isabella's advice from earlier sounded through my ears.

"You know nothing about me, Lisa," I snapped, my voice filled with suppressed rage. "You know nothing about what I've been through."

Lisa scoffed, taking a step closer. "Oh, I know enough. I know you're a weak little wolf with a title she doesn't deserve. You think that mark makes you powerful?"

"It just makes you a branded accessory for the Alpha. You'll never be a true Luna of the Romano Crest Pack. You're not even worthy!"

Her final words hit me with force. 

All the pent up emotions I had inside for weeks joined with the anger, and I felt something shift inside. 

There was a sudden, unfamiliar pressure building behind my eyes, a low steady vibration hummed through my very bones.

And then, suddenly, the ornate bulbs that filled the pathway flickered, sparking violently before going off, leaving a section of the path in complete darkness.

Lisa gasped, stumbling back, her smirk quickly vanished as she looked around. Her companions exchanged puzzled glances. 

I looked at my hands, stunned...... Was that me? I hadn't touched anything.

Lisa recovered quickly, her fear twisted back into a sneer, even as a hint of unease still lingered in her eyes. "You'll never be a true Luna."

With a final disdain filled glare, she turned and strode away, her companions following quickly.

I stood there, trembling with a terrifying confusion that had replaced my anger. I stared into space for a moment wondering what just happened. 

The path was still dark, but it shouldn't have been. The lights shouldn't have gone off like that. It was very strange. 

I then decided to escape the eerie silence by seeking solace in the one place I always had. My garden.

"Nothing makes sense in this pack," I whispered to myself. "I wish I had never met my mate, life would have been so much different."

I was on the path leading to the garden when I heard a voice, quiet but loud. "That was so much power for someone who says she's nothing,"