Through Love and Instinct

Everyone wants something magical to happen to them even just once in their life. People are vulnerable to fictional and unworldly stories that could somehow take them away from the cruel world that they are living in. And unfortunately, I am one of those who's desperate to escape the reality.

"Werewolves or Lycanthropes are mythological beings that can morph both into a wolf like figure and human. Lycanthropes, just like normal wolves has sharp fangs and claws but almost five times bigger than a normal wolf. These morphers were known for their bloodthirsty lust for killing people and animals. They were always seen as strong and almighty creature with only but one flaw, temper. The moment a lycanthrope failed to control their emotions and temper, they will immediately turn into their monstrous form."

"You really do have a thing for this, aren't you?" Justin said, unable to hide the disbelief in her voice, as if she is seeing something strange. Her attention shifted from my direction to the book on my desk. I can see her eyes moving as she is flipping and scanning the pages of the book, 'Lycaea' that I had purchased at a greek-myths-inspired store near the neighborhood.

Lycaea is a book about the ancient beings; werewolves or lycanthropes. What they are, where they come from, how did they come to life, birth and death. Merely just everything about them. The book has this weird carvings in the interface, almost as if it was carved out straight from a leather. The name Priam could be seen at the spine of the book. I wonder if it was the author of Lycaea. Aside from that name, nothing is carved aside from the design the outer cover of the book has. 

"You even bought a book huh?" she added, smirking almost laughing.

I hurriedly snatched my book at her hand, not wanting to let her say something more about how obsessive I might appear towards these things. I know she thinks like that. 

I heard her sighed and clicked her tongue. She does that whenever she disapproves of something and for this time, I knew it is the book and my obsession towards these creatures. I looked at her after I shoved the book under the cover of my bed.

"Why? You know I love this kind of things. Myths and ancient stories" I said smiling from ear to ear.

Her eyes shows no signs of interest as she rolled them at me. Justin is all about facts and evidences, proven statements and documentaries so she don't easily believe that creatures like wolves and other supernatural beings exists. Not until you show her tons of evidences that in fact, they are. On the other hand, I strongly believe that they have existed even before the human race occupied the world.   

Ever since I was a young kid, I am so into Greek Mythology and Ancient Mysteries. Whenever the topic of Gods and Goddesses, mysterious and supreme beings, curses or magic and other unknown and unbelievable things would be mention, I would be running just to be part of that chatting group. This would never not be interesting for me. Imagine seeing something so ancient and old in this modern times, how magical it would be if I ever encounter one?

"You should stop this nonsense Austin. You know they don't exist." Justin said.

"There are writings about them, why? Because they exist somehow" I said and grab the book under the covers and immediately shoved it into the shelf full of materials and readings about these monsters.

I might have over a hundred materials, composed of books, documents, researches, and a lot more about lycanthropes. That's how interested and invested I am to them.

"Instead of wasting your time for this kind of things, why don't you just go back to school?" she added putting her arms around my shoulders.

Justin smiled at me. But I know behind that smile hiding her ulterior motives. She's been coming to my house every single day, telling me stories of how she enjoys going to the university, how wonderful it is to study in a big library, the people she encounters and how smart the professors at the academe. She's been convincing me for a couple of months to go back to the university and continue to attend classes. But she knew it would be impossible for me.  

"What for? I'm suffering just for supporting my needs. I might actually die if tuition and other things would be added to my expenses. You know they don't support me" I said holding back my voice.

My voiced almost cracked as I am controlling any sign of anger and sadness to show. I don't like her seeing me miserable. I don't want anyone's pity. I don't want people to look at me as if they were looking at a lost kitten who was abandoned by her own mom. I don't want that kind of attention.

I brushed her arms off my shoulder as I clear my throat. I feel like there's a lump in my throat covering the pathway of the air from my lungs. I heard her taking deep breaths as if she is controlling herself not to utter more words. She knew talking would be pointless and would just put us in an awkward situation. 

She run her hands through her hair as she stands up. She then turned her gaze to my direction. She looked at me for a couple of seconds and pushes her glasses upwards, "Just.." she stops. She was thinking of what words to say before leaving, avoiding to create gaps and misunderstanding before she go.

"Just.. try to do other stuffs. Don't be so obsess with wolves and other kinds of monsters. Its quite unsettling, you know. And creepy" she said and laugh softly. I laughed at her, nodding my head. She bid her last goodbye and drove to the university.

That's what I am. I like wolves. I love myths.

Because just like some fictional stories and characters, somehow I am waiting for someone to save me from this cruel world. A 'Jacob' for someone like me. How wonderful could that be?