Too Late To Apologize, Mr. CEO

"Mom!" Emma said. 

Her voice was a little flat, common in deaf people. She still sounded adorable, though, and I'd fight anyone who said otherwise.

She tapped her hearing aid. “It's whistling again,” she signed.

I adjusted the tiny pink device with the speed of long practice. "Is that better, sweetheart?" I loved this peaceful time in the mornings, driving her to school, just the two of us in our own little world. 

Her sunny smile warmed my heart. "Yep!" She picked up something and held it for me to see. "What's this?" she asked. "I found it on the seat." 

It was a used condom. 

My peace shattered and everything inside me froze.

"Don't touch that!" I almost screamed.

She looked at me, startled and alarmed by my tone. 

I got a tissue, used it to grab the disgusting thing and threw it out the window, then sat still for a moment, breathing through numb lips, trying to stay calm. 

I turned to my baby with a bright fake smile. "Let's get you cleaned up." A half-bottle of hand sanitizer scrubbed the filth away from her little hands. "Just… don't touch things like that, okay sweetie? They're dirty." 

She nodded, confused but obedient. "Okay, Mommy." She gave me a quick hug and signed "I love you!" before jumping out of the car.

I watched her run through the school gate, pigtails bouncing. She never walked when she could run. 

Now that she was gone, my frozen heart shattered, tearing apart every cell in my body. I looked at the used condom on the ground through a veil of tears. 

This was the family car. 

My husband and I were the only people who ever used it.

I brushed the seat beside me with a trembling hand. On it sat Derek’s lunch, which I'd packed for him this morning. Just like every morning. 

Now the smell of food was nauseating and the air felt too thick to breathe. 

I massaged my chest, trying to rub away the pain and betrayal. I'd been through so much. So many years of smiling through my loneliness, pretending everything was fine. 

It wasn't supposed to be like this. 

When I was younger, I thought love was something you could earn through patience and quiet devotion, by giving and never asking for anything in return.

How wrong I was.

When I first met Derek, I was sixteen, naïve, and eager to please. Our families were business partners and my parents brought me along to meet them. I fell for him on sight. He was handsome, strong, confident—everything a woman could want.

Unfortunately, he only had eyes for my sister.

Savannah was beautiful. Eyes a bright blue, almost violet, and shining blonde hair. Her smile was like a beacon and there was always a crowd around her, eager to bask in its warmth. 

All my life I'd faded into the background next to her. This time was no exception.

She saw instantly that she'd made a conquest of Derek, but he was one of many. There were always handsome young men eager to squire her around.

But he worked at it. He'd ask me what she liked, how he could get her attention and keep it. 

And just like that, I became his best friend. I told myself that was enough, and buried my own feelings down deep where I could pretend they didn’t exist. 

Just being with him made me happy. I listened to his tale of heartbreak and jealousy when she dated the son of a top politician. I'd rejoiced with him when she finally dumped that young man. I'd always thought politicians were sleazy, anyway. 

Over time Derek made inroads into my fickle sister's heart. Everyone always assumed they'd end up together. They made such a beautiful couple and the match was so suitable in every way.

Then came that night seven years ago.

There was a party celebrating some merger or other. Everyone was celebrating, making toasts.

Getting very drunk. 

I don't even remember why I begged off early. I was in my room, preparing for bed, tired from smiling all evening. 

Then Derek walked in, the smell of whisky on his breath. He looked lost. He said something about seeing Savannah with another man, his words slurred and raw.

Foolishly, I tried to comfort him. 

When he tried to kiss me, I didn't push him away. 

If I had it to do over, I'd have run out of my room. Made some excuse. Even at the time I knew he wasn’t doing it for love of me. He was just looking for comfort. 

The next morning, we woke up in my bed. 

“Oh my head…” he moaned. Then he looked around wildly. “What am I doing here? What did we do?” 

He looked at me with disgust. “I can’t believe you did that! How could you?” He stared at me, pulling at his hair. “You’ve ruined my chance to be with Savannah! Are you happy now?”

All I could do was stand there with trembling lips, unable to say a word.

I thought it was a secret that would stay buried forever… but one month later, I found out I was pregnant.

Our parents insisted we get married to hide our shame. 

I remember very clearly the last time I saw Savannah. 

"You evil, backstabbing bitch!" she screamed. Her beautiful eyes were reddened and her beautiful hair stood out from her head like a halo of fury. "You stole my life!" 

She'd slapped me and all I could do was stand there, hand to my cheek.

"I will never, ever forgive you!" She ran out the door, slamming it behind her.

It wasn’t one of our usual sisterly spats. Just like that, Savannah had left home forever. None of us could reach her, no matter how hard we tried.

And then, several weeks later… she died. 

A shipwreck off the coast, they said. 

Her body was never found. 

Derek didn't speak for weeks after the funeral. His silence was worse than any words. Every time he looked at me, I felt her ghost standing between us. 

I told myself it would be okay; that if I cooked his favorite meals, took care of our child, filled our home with light and warmth, if I loved him enough… 

Then one day, he would look at me the way he used to look at her. 

Seven years passed.

It never happened. 

I knew he'd never loved me, but I never dreamed he'd do anything like this. I never thought he was the kind of man to leave the disgusting evidence of his betrayal for his daughter to find. 

My phone buzzed, jolting me from my thoughts.

A message from an unknown number. 

YOU MIGHT FIND SOMETHING INTERESTING IN YOUR HUSBAND’S OFFICE.

My throat went dry. I stared at the screen. What could be worse than what I'd already found?

I got the car started on the second try and drove to Derek's office in a daze. 

It was lunchtime, and people were sitting outside the office building, laughing and talking. I walked through the lobby on stiff legs, holding the lunchbox and trying to look normal. The receptionist smiled at me. She knew me. I brought Derek's lunch every day.

I took the elevator up to his fifth-floor office and walked to his office, pulse pounding in my head. I looked through the glass window in his door and saw my husband. 

He was standing with his arm around a woman, kissing her. 

I thought I was prepared, but I couldn't help the stab of pain that shot through me.

Then she turned her head. 

I dropped the lunchbox, spilling the carefully-packed lunch out onto the floor.

It was Savannah.